Women rising from the Flames the Donna Divina Initiation
Author: Ariane Schurmann
Date: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Transformative Wisdom for Creating a Life of Authentic Awakening, Emotional Freedom and Practical Spirituality

The return of the Donna Divina – Divine Woman

For centuries the feminine power has been confined, suppressed, abused, raped and invalidated. We live in a world where logic, rationalism, science and male authority reign, and great feminine power is kept at bay - even if in subtle and hidden ways. Women had (and sometimes still have) less opportunities at work, in the family, in society in general, and were forced to develop male abilities and values in order to be able to take part in today’s world. Female values such as intuition, love, understanding, compassion, softness, etc. were labeled ”less important“. In our world, using elbows was (and sometimes still is) crucial in order to establish an existence and survive - left-side brains, a sense of competition and the ability to fight is needed from time to time, leading into actual war.

Yet right now, times are changing. More and more people are waking up. Safety and security are disappearing and we find ourselves in the midst of a clearly immense transition, which affects each and every living being on this planet. Today we have access to the time, tools and freedom we need; we are acquiring the resources needed to open up and become true to ourselves. If we take the time to embark on this journey of self-discovery, what do we find? … Yes, something that was missing for centuries… We discover that we are full of power, that we are the creator, that we are already free! And yes, we recognize ourselves as divine beings… and that this God, who seemed to exist separately from us, has always been living right here inside of us. We discover that we are Gods and Goddesses - regardless of whether we live in a male or a female body.

The return of the Divine Woman is real. It is happening right now, right in this moment.

The Divine Woman inside is still, silent and incredibly powerful - She is everything!

Women themselves have started to doubt Her worthiness, and since she has not been honoured for a long time, they do not listen to Her anymore.

Inside every woman exists an innate wisdom which intimately knows the solution for every possible problem, every difficult challenge: whether in the small aspects of our personal lives or on a larger scale, in the functioning of this very planet. Now the time has come in the history of humanity when the expression of this wisdom is not just a good idea, but is indeed crucial for the survival of the whole planet. Throughout the centuries of patriarchal leadership the focus was on war, violence, abuse and the opposite of naturalness. Now we recognize the fact that time is running out; you could say that the ground is burning beneath our feet! As human beings, we perceive the need for change deep inside our being. However, this change must first take place inside of our awareness- we are being guided to transform our inner world in order to manifest a truthful life in the outside world.

The feminine way exists!

The time for women to embrace their power has at long last arrived. If you are a woman, you need to know that this is not the time to hold back; it’s time to go for it.

Patricia Aburdene, Megatrends for women

dedicated to my mother Ulrike and my daughters Ninya & Nell

… and every woman,
with love

© 2016 Ariane Schurmann

All Rights Reserved
www.donna-divina.com
info@donna-divina.com

+39-335-6498 96 95

About the Book

"An inspirational and heartfelt offering! Ariane is a strong and courageous woman who has lived through many challenges and has continued to search for that golden light at the end of tunnel.

Now she has found her path and is ready, through this beautiful book, to share her many insights with you, her sisters on the Journey."

Deva Premal, Internationally famous Singer and Musician

“Ariane is a woman who understands that women do not need to become manly in order to reach their full potential as an individual. She describes with warmth and humility how women can be graceful and powerful, feminine and free to create their own path to success and happiness. This inspirational book guides us from aspiration through to fulfillment with humour and insightful observations. Heartfelt and amazingly warm, it reminds us of the divine woman that resides in all of us.”

Bettina Hallifax, International Speaker and Seminar Leader, The Journey Germany and worldwide

“Ariane’s powerful call is a quantum leap for womankind. Inspiring, touching, and ultimately creative, she urges gentle outer revolution through subtle inner evolution.

By transforming the relationship to ourselves, women as individuals, birth is given to our innate and empowering feminine qualities of love, peace and co-operation to urgently address and redress the imbalance in a society over-invested in male qualities. Rich in insight, guidance and practices, this book is a tremendous resource and an essential read– woman by woman!”

Diana Richardson, Acclaimed leading Authority on Human Sexuality, Educator and Author of six books including "The Heart of Tantric Sex", "Tantric Orgasm for Women" and "Tantric Love: Feeling versus Emotion".

Invisible – Visible – wonderful…

Yes, this is the path of any life form; this is the path of women…

Like a little seed we have collected our power for thousands of years invisibly inside of the earth. Our roots have grown deeply into Mother Earth, so that we can resist any earthquake. Now the time has come for the seedling to become visible. It’s time to bring forth the hidden creation.

Through “Women Rising From the Flames” we are lovingly guided into our inner light power, so we are able to integrate and heal ourselves, our beloved men and the world. Isn’t this wonderful?

Barbara von Johnson, famous artist, illustrator and creator of the well know German TV figure “Pumuckl“

"A book which speaks to the women’s soul and tells the truth about the divine feminine so that it can return into our hearts”.

Simona Oberhammer, Naturopath and Author, Founder of the “Via Femminile”

Contents

PART A

Warming up to Her

CHAPTER 1
Being Guided

CHAPTER 2
Why This Book?

CHAPTER 3
How to Use this Book

CHAPTER 4
Who is She

CHAPTER 5
What about Him

CHAPTER 6
Smart Books only make you more stupid

PART B

The Divine Work

CHAPTER 7
The Seven Natural Steps of the Donna Divina Initiation Process

CHAPTER 8
Step 1 – The Truth

CHAPTER 9
The Saviour isn’t coming anymore – She already lives inside of you

CHAPTER 10
Step 2 - Women are emotional

CHAPTER 11
You are "She" Already!

CHAPTER 12
Step 3 – The Jump into Her

CHAPTER 13
Seeing through the veil

CHAPTER 14
Step 4 – Hell, the doorway to Paradise

CHAPTER 15
The body – Her Temple

CHAPTER 16
Love is not enough – or is it?

CHAPTER 17
The Magic Mirror

CHAPTER 18
As a Queen in her Queendom

CHAPTER 19
Step 6 – Celebration as a way of life

CHAPTER 20
Living as the Donna Divina on Earth

CHAPTER 21
Step 7 – The Connection Secret

Part A

Warming up to Her

Chapter 1

Being guided

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

- Albert Einstein

“Go ahead and settle in the white house, where the white curtains blow in the soft wind. There the blue ocean knows no boundaries. This is where you feel at home in yourself, you have arrived. Find silence and allow the words to flow.”

These were the words coming through, in images. They continued to speak to me daily, first softly, then always stronger. I believe I was chosen to receive a book, to birth a book into the world, a book which brings us home, to ourselves, into our inner strength. I would like to share with you now, dear reader, the story of how this book came to be.

The warmth of the sun, the lapping of the waves, watching the small fishing boats bob up and down in the harbor, admiring the beauty all around me. It came to be, dear reader, that I arrived on the Greek Island of Corfu. I had been here many years ago as a child; I had torn a ligament in my knee and came here to recover. I remember clearly the healing power of the nature in the small fishermen’s village Arillas. In 6 days I was completely healed, how blessed I felt to be able to move freely again. It was like, “she came with crutches and left dancing.” Something really special.

I was back, on this beautiful island with a mission. I was looking for a house, an apartment, a residence. Thanks to my burn out (this is the modern word for an inner state of “I can’t and “I don’t want to go any further”) I had decided to take a whole summer off, a couple of months of sabbatical leave, and obviously the impressive island was the first choice on my list.

After a week of unfruitful searching, it finally happened. While I was looking at a nice house that was officially offered for rent on the hill top of Afionas, my youngest daughter suddenly called me from “above”. She had (against her usually reserved way of being) entered private and, at that time, abandoned property, and was waving at me from a roof terrace. “Come up! Have a look from up here!”

A little hesitant, I followed her invitation. The view from the roof terrace was simply breathtaking. Two hundred and seventy degrees of free sea view, dark blue mystic pure Mediterranean sea. Encouraged by this beauty, I went to explore the rest of the property. Suddenly I couldn’t move anymore. My breath stopped. I was standing in front of my vision! The white house with the flying white curtains, the many windows and the feeling of “having arrived home” had manifested, exactly, in every detail! I had been having the same vision come to me for almost a year. Here it was, in mortar and stone, it was real. The sudden realization hit me like a thunderbolt, this is it, this is the place where the book would be received.

Reality came to get me back quickly. After a few deep breaths I walked down to my daughter and said quietly, “This is the house. I will write the book here.”

She just nodded.

Down in the village we asked for the owners of the house. “It belongs to a famous German artist and illustrator though she has not come for the last two years. No, the house isn’t for rent for sure, it’s an entirely private residence. Here, take the name of the owner, maybe you will be able to find her contact details.”

Not for rent. A famous artist. All right, I will use Google to look up her contact address. Google knows it all!

At that point, our time on the island was coming to an end. We enjoyed a last dinner in a restaurant and decided to put off the search for a house onto the next month. While we were eating, a thunderstorm arrived out of nowhere. A thunderstorm in the summer on the island of Corfu is a very rare occurrence. In that moment, it started to rain “cats and dogs” and the streets became slippery. We had to be very careful on our car journey back to the ferry. Just as we were leaving the village of Afionas, I turned around to the white house, as if to say good bye – and a shining rainbow was coronating its majestic body! A sign? Joy poured through me, and whatever it was, the sensation was great!

Back home in Tuscany, we slowly slip back into the routine of our work and family lives. I remember to google and find the contact details of the owner of “the dream house”. Yes, she really is a very famous artist, a great woman. Can I really dare to simply contact her, even though I already know that the house isn’t for rent? For many days I allow myself to get lost in the day to day activities. For countless nights, I would dream about the house, or I would think about the house and the book and couldn’t get to sleep. The pressure builds up to a crescendo, it's time to muster up all of my courage.

I write an honest and sincere mail, writing directly from my heart, to the great Barbara von Johnson, one of the mothers of the famous German TV series “Pumuckl”. I write to her about my dream, which seems so very childish and unrealistic. I just tell her everything. A risk? Yes, a very big risk!

It takes just a couple of hours for me to get her answer and I'm shaking as I read it: “Dear Ariane, it seems to be a blessing that you are writing to me. You are like a fresh ocean breeze for my house. I’d like to get to know you, please call me!”

I jump around in circles and whoop with joy. I can't believe it! I realize, oh no, now I will have to call this famous woman on the telephone! I am generally a very shy person, even though it probably doesn't look like it from the outside. When I was a child at school and the teacher would call on me in class, I would tremble all over my body. If my parents asked me to make a call on their behalf, I just felt a deep pang of nausea all over.

Here I was again, asked to jump through my shadow. I have already met a couple of famous people and some have even been guests in my home, but I had never before spoken to an unknown and famous person on the phone. In the moment I procrastinate, in fact, it lasted the whole day! I remember evening coming and the pressure was too high. I took a couple of deep breaths and go to a place where no one else can see or hear me. I dial the number, secretly hoping that nobody is home.

Barbara answers the phone. Her voice is warm and friendly. We speak like we were longtime friends. We laugh together. After five minutes we pass from formal speech to a friendly one. I can hardly believe what is happening right here. To sum it up: Barbara is open to leave the house to me for the summer. In a couple of months we will meet. I put down the phone. Again, I dance with joy in my garden, there is so much energy inside of me, that I even allow the joy to scream through me for a little while.

After this I run down into the big dining room where my family is and to get there, I have to walk over a spacious pasture. Before I enter into the room, I look up to the sky and at that exact moment I see, so clearly and distinctly, a huge shooting star falling through the sky, like a comet. Never before had I seen a shooting star fall for so long! Another sign? It certainly seems to be!

The months pass by and before I know, the time has come for my meeting with Barbara. Again, I am terribly nervous and I arrive way too early at our meeting point. When she gets there, we find ourselves face to face with no words to speak, both of us feeling so deeply touched by the other's presence. Instinctively, we find ourselves in a wordless embrace and tears of joy are flowing. I love a woman I have never met! And she loves me! These are the kind of things that the mind really has trouble understanding!

We spend some precious hours in each other’s company and the vibration is light and positive. Later in our conversation we meet an obstacle. What I am able to offer for the price of the rent is less than half of Barbara’s wish for the rent. Clouds gather in the sky and then leave again immediately. I just feel so sure to be guided now too. The money I can spend is this price. If it doesn’t fit, then it just doesn’t. I let go. In any case I have found a precious new friend and a partner of souls, and this is so much more valuable than any house in this world. This is how it feels to me now.

We say good-bye to each other with the decision to sleep over the whole affair, to let it sink in and find itself an answer. The next day, we meet again, and it’s clear to both of us. The house will be rented to me, at the price I can pay. I am adding some of my own services around the house to add to the rent which don’t have to come out of my money bag, so it's a win for both of us. We both sign the private agreement, between dear friends!

Both of us are shining!

And now I am sitting in this house called “Olympus”. A Goddess in her element. The deep blue sea nurtures me continuously with its infinite horizon. The bright white frame structure of the home reminds me of pure freedom. A feeling of homecoming. Barbara is here with me now too. From one heart to another, we are enjoying blessed times. Part of Barbara’s life’s task is to make the invisible become visible. I couldn't be in a better place, as this is exactly the task I am facing now too – bringing the invisible into the visible world!

This is how this book is born.

The time is here, the time to trust again, to trust the divine woman that lives inside of you!

I thank you, dear reader, for listening to this story. I thank the Divine Woman, who is guiding me from the inside out and who has brought me to you.

Believe in yourself!

You are as guided as I am. You might have forgotten, and now you are remembering and this is a big reason to celebrate! Look around you. Just for one moment, take a deep breath and stop your busy mind chatter and just open up. Feel into your body. There are signs everywhere that you are guided. You are guided in the people you meet, in the information you are attracting, in the actions you are moved to do, in the nature and the animals around you. The guides are in the colours and sounds you perceive. They are in the sky, in the air you breathe, in the earth under your feet. We are even guided in what we usually call misfortunes. They are also guiding you. Where to? Home, home to yourself. And it's there, in that moment when you allow yourself to stop and listen, you remember. I have not met one woman yet who doesn’t “know” that she is guided. So let’s trust and believe in ourselves!

Everything is already here!

Yes it is. Everything you need is already here inside of you. It might not look like it right now, but it is. All of your gifts and talents are right here. The time is now to remember and move from the state of powerlessness and straight into your power, which is your birthright. This is what this book is about, reclaiming our innate power as women.

If you are a man and are reading these lines, thank you. This book might be helpful for you too, because there are many women in your life. Maybe you're a father, or a husband, and surely you're a son. There are female energies living inside of you as well.

Many spiritual or esoteric men live mostly in their female side anyway. If you are one of them, this book might be your invitation to reclaim your innate power as a man.

And yet, I am guided to write this book for women! It’s woman speaking to women mostly!

Being a Woman in a Manmade world

For way too many women around the world life is a struggle. Also for their men.

They are struggling with health, with their love relationships, with sexuality, with the complicated lives in modern societies, with money, with happiness, with connection to the spiritual realms, with overworking.

I have this good friend of mine, she works as an employee; she takes care of the household and the two small children and so it is that the love between her and her husband is over. They are bored with each other and have secret relationships the other is not aware of. She is afraid of many things, like driving a car, taking an airplane, becoming very sick and not knowing what to do about it. Her life is dull and heavy. She told me a couple of days ago that she doesn’t know why she is still alive. I have another friend, a very successful businesswoman with a flying career. She just can’t seem to find the right partner. She is lonely and drinks a lot of nice alcoholic drinks every evening alone in her stylish apartment. She told me she has given up on her love life, some one night stands are all she gets. She feels more man than woman, without any real satisfaction inside.

Statistics show that one in four women is on antidepressants in the western world, and women are using anti-anxiety medication at more than twice the rate of men. In the past five years, the use of these kinds of medication has gone up 150%. This is a lot!

Women also generally suffer from a chronic lack of self-esteem.

In 2011 the Institute of Leadership and Management in the United Kingdom conducted a survey among the British Business leaders to assess their level of self-worth and trust in themselves. Half of the women asked, declared to have low self-esteem and low trust in their capabilities and professional future prospects; men were less than a third.

What exactly is going on here? What is driving all these “symptoms” of not being fulfilled in oneself?

There is a simple solution.

Be a divine woman again.

Once you are a divine woman again, your man automatically becomes an authentic man. If you don’t have a man right now, you will automatically attract him. Divine women and authentic men together can change a life of struggle into a life of bliss – and it goes quicker and is much simpler than we usually think.

How do we become a divine woman again?

This is what we are guided to discover in this book, together – you; by reading and me; by writing.

Just think about it this way:

200 years ago Woman still had no rights.

The first solution was the feminist movement fighting for equality of the sexes.

The problem with this movement was that women actually got what they fought for – they became equal – to men!

The solution was to be both, have a great career AND be a sexy, beautiful, passionate, an attractive lover and a blessed mother.

The problem with being both was that it was simply too much for one woman and she burned out or became sick or her lights went off.

The solution to that was a whole new age wellness and wellbeing movement with thousands of methods and techniques. Do yoga, take antidepressants and do most of the other methods too.

The problem with this was that all of these methods were added on top of the already too busy life of a woman.

The solution to this was to do more spiritual work to find ones' centre. Eastern methods and philosophies were the key now!

The problem with this was that all of these teachings were manmade and didn’t really work for women.

The solution to this was that women reunited to find their own spiritual teachings.

However, spiritual teachings are not available to all women, just to the ones on the spiritual path.

The solution now is to redesign our lives the female way, to get together as women in circles received by women and through women, for women and with women.

One example of this solution is the Donna Divina Initiation Process, the process my daughter Ninya and I have received. A simple and natural process, it is open to all women, and it has been written into this book so it can be accessible to as many women as this world contains. The process can also be lived through our 4-day Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, a once in a lifetime initiation to the feminine. Once reconnected to Women’s Wisdom it cannot be forgotten again, and it will naturally be remembered and lived deeper and deeper. Life then becomes a unique and utterly significant flow!

The Obstacle Game Part I

The writing process starts and then it stops. The Guidance seems to be interrupted, something got in the way. It’s just like in real life. Things go smooth, there's a smile on your face and happiness is just flowing through your veins and then, ugh, an obstacle gets in the way. All of us deal differently with obstacles, as one of the most common games of life. This is how I dealt with mine:

“Coach me!”

My soul is calling me, to share important information to the women and men of this world; and my personality says, who are you to show yourself, who are you to even dare to think that you, you little nothing, have something to give that is of any value to this world?

A war of pro’s and con’s starts in my inner world. Loud voices fight against each other. It’s war, I realize in a bright moment... a war inside of me!

She steps in, and I run and I cry and I cry even louder than those voices, launching my arms up to the sky towards Father Sky, while my roots grow into Mother Earth and I sing:

“Grace, dear Mother, dear Father, send me all support to stop the war, send it now! Coach me to be the love that you made me to be, coach me to shine as your bright light, and to believe in myself as you do.

Coach me!”

Resolution

Sometimes it’s time to surrender. After the strong spontaneous prayer, my inner waters, this female ocean of emotion, calmed herself. Relaxation set in. Friends arrived. Barbara arrived and brought the visual idea for the book cover. She coached me on the structure of the book. I received and thanked. Gratitude has been with me since. It’s thanks to HER that this book is in your hands. SHE is the author.

If you are now curious to meet Her, I invite you on a journey with me. Keep on reading and take your time. This is your life and it wants ti be fully lived now. You have everything you need already inside. She is guiding you home. Trust, dear Sister, you are not alone.

And enjoy the journey.

I look forward to meeting you on the female path,

May She be with you!

Ariane

Chapter 2

Why this book?

“This joy that I have - the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away.”

- Shirley Caesar

It’s rising time!

For more than 5000 years we have lived in a world dominated by men – or to say it in other words, by male energy. This is not good or bad. It’s just a fact.

There are a couple of problems:

Most women have difficulties to find their space in this world. They either become very strong and masculine women – and possibly burn out at some stage – or possibly they give up: play the silent victim; search for something all around the globe; they compensate with food, drugs, alcohol, sex or anything else imaginable.

Women have forgotten who they are. They struggle. They try to live up to societies' role models; they multi-task, take on careers and family lives, become single mothers, or multi mothers, take on causes and social missions, they hunt for romantic and passionate relationships and search for spiritual and general fulfillment.

Many women have given up. Why? Because it’s an impossible task to be what this world asks them to be. Supermothers, superlovers, supermodels, supergentle, supersexy, supersuccessful, super everything! This struggling to “be everything” other than themselves has caused the inner light to become so dim that it has almost stopped shining.

In the cities I visit, I actually see many women with their lights turned OFF.

It hurts my heart. I have been one of them in the past. It really is time to change.

The time has come. NOW! Great news!

As Women, we have tried everything to find our space, position and place in this manmade world. We have done everything thinkable to fit in, to make it work, to fix ourselves, to keep up with the beat of the modern world - and we are really making the best out of the situation.

This “trying to make it work” is just another confirmation of our power and an even stronger proof of our love. Even though deep down we know that this world is out of balance and it badly needs a change for the better, we keep on loving, praying and being examples in our little or bigger worlds … sadly, most of us keep quiet. What can a woman do for change?

There is a belief: One woman cannot do much, one woman cannot make much of a difference. The truth is a Woman can actually do everything – because She is everything. For now, this remains only a concept.

My intention for this book is that, by the end of these pages, this is no longer a concept, but concrete reality in your life. She can do everything – because She is everything!

It’s a strong intention, and I have seen it become real again and again. It will almost certainly happen to you too. All you need to do is read this book, really open up, be present and let it in, use it, do the exercises proposed and, open even more, in the face of challenge, in the face of emotion, exactly when you feel you can’t take another step. If you BECOME the message and even more so, the energy, of this book, it can happen.

I am asking to you to BE – Yourself. If anybody ever told you that you are not okay as you are, then I am telling you now... they were liars! You are okay, exactly as you are.

I know it will happen to you. You will discover that She can do anything. It happened to me and all of the other Donna Divinas around the world.

What if you were okay all the time, even when all the signs seem to indicate otherwise? What if you were okay even when you are depressed, bitchy, full of hatred and rage, or when you don't love your husband and your kids, or when you fail to get a good job? What if you were okay when you get sick, when you have a stillbirth or suffer from menstrual pain? What if you were okay all the time, and all these and thousand more above symptoms were only clear signs that ….

you are right and the world is wrong?

If the common way of approaching our problems and challenges as women is to find our space in this modern, manmade world …

(Yes, it was made by men! It’s 5000 years already that they are in charge of the planet. The feminist movement, although a courageous and amazing achievement, didn’t change a thing regarding our inner female world. Our courageous feminist sisters did claim “equality” for us and improved our lives a great deal with their fighting and protest, and the amazing power they brought together. In reality, apart from living in a more comfortable prison cell, nothing changed.)

… what about if we stopped? If we just stopped to look for our space in this world? What if we stopped the search outside of ourselves?

The truth is …

…. there is none.

In this manmade world there is no space for women.

Looking and searching for it is a waste of energy!

We are not wrong, the world is.

It is not our world.

What if we designed our lives the female way?

What if we as women would focus solely on designing the world the female way?

Instead of fighting against the manmade world or trying to improve it or trying to fit in and make it “right” for us, what if we just stop this right here and right now?

What if we were to create our own female life?

One woman at a time.

Then all women together. As women we are half of the population of humanity, maybe even a bit more. Once reunited, there is no one who can stop us, while we redesign the whole world the female way.

Scary?

I don’t think so. To reunite globally we first have to create unity inside of us. Coming home, uniting with, the divine woman we are. This divine woman, calling us home, waiting patiently, is in her essence pure love. She is not war. She is not competition. She is oneness. She wants the best for life... She is life. She wants win - win – win - win on this planet, win for herself, win for her loved ones and family, win for everyone around, win for the animals and win for Mother Earth.

Even men will be happy with this change. Some might resist, only because of fear. Resisting love is always out of fear.

There will be many men supporting all of this. This planet is burning under our feet and a lot of men are feeling it, and we, as women, have the key to make the shift, it’s ALL already inside of us.

Redemption

I still remember the day, and certainly the feeling. I am sitting on a very cold, low cement wall in a city filled with humming and, at times, screaming busy-ness. It’s early March and very cold, a hostile wind blows through the streets and bounces back from the high-rise buildings around the square I am sitting in. I don’t see any of the busy-ness around me... I just feel the cold entering from the hard cement wall into my womb, and there is a destructive prayer in my mind - “may the cold enter and take me away from myself!” Yes, I would love to end my miserable life right here and right now.

A few moments ago, I was inside one of this high and sterile, impersonal buildings with my legs wide open and assisted, fully awake and observant, the voluntary abortion of my child. Yes, I did it. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d never been pregnant. I wish my life would be different. I wish and I wish, and yet, no wishing takes me away from what just happened. I feel like a murderer. I don’t deserve anything at all anymore.

After what feels like eternity sitting on this wall, I get up. Life has already left my limbs. I am simply a grey and numb robot. I know I will continue to function and serve as a mother to my two beautiful living children and as a companion to the man and father I have stopped loving. There will be no more joy in my days - ever. I will just do what needs to be done. Fulfilling my duty, with the silent wish in my heart that the bitter cold which entered my body will sooner or later end this miserable existence of mine. I don’t deserve to be happy again – ever.

Maybe you ask yourself right now, why? How could a woman living in today’s modern world fall so low? Why wouldn't she be more educated, have more resources, more support and connection to the field of freedom and endless possibilities that we are living in today? Why doesn’t she know how to avoid involuntary pregnancy or how come she doesn't know how to deal with it without needing to go through an abortion?

I went through abortion in my fertile years. I also gave natural births to three beautiful children. The abortion weighed heavily in my heart and I lived most of my life feeling like a robot, too ashamed to admit this horrible truth. Believe me, I tried everything concerning birth control and contraception. The pill made me vomit and feel nauseous every minute of day and night. Whichever brand of birth control pills I took didn’t make a difference to me and my strange and highly sensitive body. I had a uterus infection each time I used the coil (IUD), each time it was inserted and then I would end up in hospital with high fever just to have it removed. The diaphragm would betray me and make me pregnant anyway. As for condoms, these would break exactly in my fertile moments. Pregnant again.

I am a faithful and honest woman. I am loyal to my man. I don’t have affairs outside of my relationship, I don’t go for one night stands or sex adventures. I cannot have sex without love. Am I simply unfortunate?

When I got pregnant with my youngest daughter, I gave the news to a client of mine over the telephone. He was surprised and then said to me: “Again? You already have 2 children. People like you are really like rabbits!” Apart from being speechless about his comment, it touched me deeply. I discovered that I was also ashamed to have sex. I discovered that religion, even though I am of no particular faith, had deeply ingrained in me the conviction that the flesh is rotten. That as women, I am a sin and a sinner. Maybe this was the reason that I kept my failure with birth control hidden? Maybe because of this I was alone in my grief, deeply repressed and disconnected from my unborn child?

There is no space in our fast world to feel the pain of devastating loss after abortion or stillbirth, be it voluntary or spontaneous, for a woman. She is expected to be fully functioning again immediately after. This repressed feeling festers inside and conditions her completely from that point on.

This is what happened to me. I am just simply a very fertile woman, healthy and full of joy and energy. I am very alive and strong. As a result of the abortion, I became less and less of a woman. Energetically speaking my male energies dominated who I was. From my perspective, men had a better life, anyway!

Today I can speak about it freely. I have healed and I have my beauty back. I found peace and wholeness. I was able to feel forgiveness from everyone involved, and I even managed to forgive myself. Not some sort of mental game of forgiveness; it was profound forgiveness from deep down in the infinite heart. I am living a dream life now. I didn’t in the past.

What was missing for me was Women’s Wisdom. I don’t know about you, but my mother did not have the capacity to pass it on to me. She didn’t have it either. Her mother didn’t have it. And neither did her grandmother before her. It goes on and on, back into the forgotten history of ancient times. I was alone and lonely with no women around me to support and help and simply be there. The women around me were lonely and forlorn too, each one separated in her own struggles and challenges. We didn’t even have the courage to speak about our truth back in those days. Most of us don’t have the courage or possibility to speak the truth even today.

How much of a paradox is that? We are living in a time where everything is possible. The information age is moving into consciousness age. Yet most of us have grown more separated, more disconnected than ever before. Each one of us, handling their own challenges alone. “Do not wash your dirty linen in public, keep it in the family” as the idiom goes. The family is separated as well and so the dirty laundry remains dirty most of the time. Which makes life unbearable for many.

If I had known back then what I know today, no abortion would have happened. If had been able to speak my truth in a circle with other open and conscious women, I could have received their presence, magic and resources as I am privileged to receive today and most of my darkest and deeply hidden secrets would not have occurred. If Women’s Wisdom had been available to me, I wouldn’t be writing these lines. Women’s Wisdom contains it all... the truth about love, health, religion, sex, the sacred female body and life in general.

Women’s Wisdom is hidden and has been for millennia. It was considered dangerous and has been repressed. It is scary even to women themselves today! Is that strange? Not really… ten million* of the most powerful women have been burned on the stakes in some distant past, and the memory of these souls still continues to live inside of us. It doesn’t matter if we are aware of it or not. Five thousand and more years of female repression lives in our cells and we are carrying the weight within us – as women collectively but also as men.

The good news is that we can change this. The time is now to rise and reconnect to our female power.

The even better news is that this reconnection isn’t scary at all. Women in their true essence are pure, unconditional love. Once we are reconnected to this love, the whole planet heals.

One woman at a time.

No woman on this whole planet should ever have to go through abortion again. It is not necessary. No woman should ever be abused again. It’s not needed. No woman should ever be made less or second or third or dependent on a man again. No woman should ever feel hunger again and certainly not as a creature on this earth. All unnecessary, (sorry men!), manmade situations should be simple to change – the female way. Certainly not easy but very simple.

This is another reason for this book. It’s time I speak up and share with my sisters what I have found. A very simple and natural process and path to reconnect to the amazing woman we are. Through the shame, the guilt, the rage, the resentment, the sadness, the depression, the forceful drive for success and consumption and “making ourselves better syndrome”, through the hatred and even death – we can jump right into endless love and bliss. Right into female power and beauty. The whole world is waiting for this to happen.

I have been shown that I can be redeemed from my dark past as a so-called murderer. Redemption from our wounds is possible, here and now. Reconnection to Women’s Wisdom is possible, here and now. Together we make a magical difference.

She lives inside of us. She is calling us home. She is you and me. Ninya and I – in the loving embrace of other Divine Women - have found a simple and powerful way to “embody” Her again, allowing Her to reclaim her temple, which is this sacred female body, and finally allowing Her to come out of the prison.

There are many other women working on this same sacred “project”. We are not alone. I dare say that by some blessed circumstances, my beloved sisters and I have found a shortcut to live as an expression of Her. We all agree that it is now, that we want to share it with you.

Whatever happened to you in your life’s story, bring it on! The darkest sins, your deepest hidden pains, expose them to the air around you. You don’t have to do it alone. Your sisters will be there with you and it’s so much easier than what you are thinking right now!

One of my favorite sayings: is “do it to believe it”.

What counts – the only thing that counts – is your own personal experience!

What counts is your restored power, your new life in freedom. This is why you are reading this book.

Conversations with Her - The Obstacle Game Part II

She is the only reality inside of me.

She is asking for a body.

“Give me a body!” she continues to whisper

She is asking for a space, a round natural flowing temple space where She can feel at home, where She wants to meet women and make them meet Her. There has always been this quest for space; looking, searching, wanting,my space; a space to just be who I am. I have created as much space as I could and still it was never enough. Now I get it! It’s about building Her physical space, in the new world! There is no space for her in this old world, nowhere. She is missing in the house, She is missing in the office, She is missing on the land, the houses, churches, institutions. They don’t contain Her anymore... this is a masculine predominated world. She wants to leave this earth; She is frustrated, and she actually feels powerless. She then realizes: there is too much lack of consciousness here, this world is an empty desert. She feels she wants to give up, put her head into the sand and even let go of the longing for Her space!

Isn’t this almost unthinkable? Creating a safe and fully female space for Her. The nuns and priestesses have done this, but what is happening in the real world? She roars. I want my space. I want ordinary women to become like the priestesses. It’s time.

I have wondered whether the title of this book should be:

How ordinary women become priestesses. Powerful creators of their own reality, the female way. Another option to the current predominating opinion that “God is a man so do what I say.”

How to find female space. How to find Her own space in a world where male energies dominate is a very important quest arising now.

How to redesign our life the female way, putting a definite stop to hiding and /or giving up.

She repeats…

“I want a temple space! I want a round shape, I want a private, sacred female, flowing, soft and luxurious, colourful, and very wide space, for Me, for all the Me’s inside of these Women’s bodies.” Now She is screaming!

Who is going to build this? I feel that I can’t build it, I am just a woman. Maybe I need an architect and male energy to build a temple. I can’t do this.

She roars: “Start with a tent then!!! Unite the sisters! Once you are more than one, then everything is simple. Where there is more than one of you, I reside and everything will be revealed. Go now and build my space. In a physical form, here in this world.”

You and me – we are one. She is me and I am Her. As are you, dear reader!

Before you turn the page you might enjoy to listen (and dance) to this song - Vidèo by India Arie, Album Acoustic Soul

*How many witches have been burned? According to Estimates of the Number Killed by the Papacy in the Middle Ages and later by David A. Plaisted: For two or three centuries, many Protestants have given figures concerning the total number of people killed directly or indirectly by the Papacy during the Middle Ages. The numbers given include 50 million, 68 million, 100 million, 120 million, and 150 million. Roman Catholics typically give much smaller numbers. Frequently the figures are stated without any information about where they came from or how they were computed.

Chapter 3

How to use this book

“It’s all true! No, I am not crazy the world is! The world doesn't have the answers… I do! There is nothing to gain, or lose. All is provided. As inside, so on the outside. All the struggle to be more, to be different, or better, is only part of the process of realizing the truth.”

This book has been written for you. The invitation is to use it as you would use a very precious gift coming from the heart of someone dear to you. Put it into a good place in your house, where you always have access. Read it through once. Then read little bits here and there.

When you feel ready, read it again from the beginning to end, and as you do it this time, imagine I am with you and speak back to me. Argue with me. Write letters to me. Observe how and what you feel, what moves inside as you are experiencing the impact of the words that are on these pages.

Create a safe, sacred place that honours you. Allow yourself to be still, to be present and immerse yourself into the exercises and rituals proposed. Allow yourself the space and time to do them.

When you have done this, your life has already risen to the next level of awareness. You might want to open the book once in a while, on a random page and read the quotes or phrases or listen to the songs. You may want to re-explore the rituals within. Each chapter has a quote, a song and a ritual that enables you to dive more deeply into Her that has been yearning for freedom. You may just find yourself carried away by an unexplained energy or vibration which invites you to, look inside yourself, to speak truthfully from that deeper place and help find the wisdom and strength to respond to whatever you are facing in life right now, naturally.

I have taken on a task I already wrote about earlier. A task I myself thought to be impossible. The task to bring the invisible, unspeakable into the visible and actually into words. I quite like what it looks like now, and I pray it might serve you. I so wish to share the amazing liberation and awakening to the female power I was fortunate enough to experience!

I highly recommend that you:

See, hear, feel, perceive, listen, live and think yourself through this book!

Before I went to school, I was in wonder of creation. During school I was taught to forget who I am, and become someone else. I discovered later this someone else was a kind of robot. I can only describe it as having lost all of my sensitivity to the truth of what is here. The divine woman had been hypnotized by the false truths and propaganda I had allowed myself to be influenced by. To think, for a long time, I had lost the connection to this simple truth: eternal love, light and freedom.

I ask you, stop believing in what your parents and schoolteachers told you. They are not here anymore to tell you what to do and how to be (at least for the majority of us!).

I say it again -See, hear, feel, perceive, listen, live and think yourself through this book!

I sincerely wish that your true sense of self, of the She you are, emerges. Everything I share here is born from my own direct experience. Take it as a sharing. I am not claiming that I have found the only truth. I am called to share what works well for me and what works for my sisters, my fellow Donna Divinas, as well. I invite you to question each and every of word. Don’t believe a thing I am writing or saying. Always see and feel for yourself, trust your own body wisdom, your own intuition. Ask yourself, does this resonate with me?

Be present and be alert. Ask yourself, what is the truth of my own experience?

If it doesn’t resonate, just let it go. Read on. This text is filled with magic. Somewhere in the pages, your own personal key might be hiding. Maybe it’s even in the spaces between the words. Just trust the process. It works, I can guarantee it! I have felt it through my own experience and heard stories of the experiences many beloved women who I had the privilege to meet on this path..

There is no “one absolute” method I can give to you to how to use this book, because each one of you is so unique. I gently ask you to be open, to allow the present moment, to read and taste the words and let them vibrate, to allow whatever judgments, fears and resistances that manifest to come up, to allow all the emotions to arise and then to speak your own truth. Open, feel, allow, breathe, whatever arises inside of you and is calling you home. Trust yourself, and just be yourself. There is a sacred navigation system inside of you, and it works perfectly for you. It vibrates in positive rhythms if you just found a pearl of wisdom and it vibrates in negative clashy sounds if you come across some real crap. Explore both. Trust your navigation system!

Let the opening phrases of each chapter resonate with you. Breathe. Close your eyes for a second. Breathe again and then read on. If you would like to comment, just write into the text or into a notebook close by. Imagine that we are having a private conversation, just you and me. I am speaking to you through the words on each page and you are answering. Sometimes you might not agree with what you are reading. That’s okay, just speak it out, or write it down. What is your truth? What is your direct experience?

This in itself is your path towards claiming your own female power.

This book is meant to be interactive. It’s no relaxing bedtime reading. It’s very alive, and full of energy. My suggestion is to read it during the daytime. Read as much as you like from each chapter, it might be just a few lines per day. The next day come back. We are on a journey together here.

Read through the suggested exercises and rituals. Of course this book works best if you actually do them. You might want to read out loud the inquiry questions I suggest in the exercises. You might want to record the rituals. Record them on your smart phone or some other device and then listen to them with your eyes closed. This is the best way. To make it even easier for you, you can download the exercises from our website www.womenrisingfromtheflames.comwith my voice guiding you through them.

If you don’t feel like doing the exercises, don’t do them. Maybe now is not the right time. One day the right time will come and you'll feel the calling, and you can always come back to do them.

The chapters are based on a step–by-step process. It works best if you start at the beginning and take one step at a time. Just like life. No need to rush or start at the end. You may like to start in the middle. Take one step at a time. Take your time. There is no need to rush to “get it done and over with”. Surrender, is the magical word. She works on you already and She knows what your divine timing is.

If I can give you the one and only advice to get the maximum out of this book, it would be:

Relax!

Just Relax!

The fact that you are reading these lines is already enough. The rest will follow in its own good time. You are so perfect, so wonderful, so loved, so precious, and now you are here!

Relax into this book. Read it, and observe yourself. Focus on yourself, on your inner world. This is the key. See, listen, feel, sense yourself while reading, remaining relaxed and open. Be present to the truth of what is here, right now as you read the words.

At the end of each chapter you will find a song which helps provide the key to unlock the door to Her. Know that the songs have been carefully selected because they hold women’s wisdom in them. You can just read the words, or download the song from ITunes or any other program on the internet. Listen to the music and to the words.

On our webpagewww.womenrisingfromtheflames.com, you will find the playlist containing the songs of each chapter, with links to each song. This is our musical gift to you. Listen, enjoy, and if you feel like moving your body, do it! Donna Divinas are dancing all the time. And singing. If you, in your current life have stopped dancing or singing, this is a way to start again. Go into a space where you are alone. If there is nowhere in your house, just use the bathroom. Humming in the bathroom or singing under the shower is perfect. Of course, dancing can happen there too. It’s a great starting point. I promise, one day you will have your own sacred space, if you don’t have it already.

Just do it!

Trust yourself, relax and then let us know. Welcome to the Donna Divina Tribe!

What could happen is, that at the end of the book you are hungry for more. Maybe you are even ready to come to a live Donna Divina Initiation Retreat.

Visit us on our website www.donna-divina.com!

Ninya, Paola, Alison and I

My daughter Ninya and I never did feel really happy in our lives before coming to meet Her, this our true nature as women.

I used to be deeply unhappy inside (even if I forced myself to smile on the outside), periodically falling out of connection with myself, struggling in my work, in my relationships. I even went through a severe burn out – the modern word for being very depressed – where I literally could not move for six whole months; I couldn't even digest food, I lived like a vegetable. It was like the energy plug had been pulled out of my body.

Before this severe condition, I was always looking for something better, the missing piece, something more, every single day. I just wasn’t satisfied with what was in my life. In my work, the successes and numbers were just never good enough, the obstacles were always too high and I complained often about how stressed I was and how really hard life was. How hard it was to make money. How horrible it was to not be able to live the life style of my dreams. I really never had enough. I hated myself for this.

In my relationships with men, I would blame them for not cherishing me enough, not having enough time for me, not being there when I needed them. I couldn’t stand the fact that the men who declared their love for me and wanted to be with me (I have had 2 major committed relationships with men so far; I lived for 12 years in a civil relationship and now I am married) were never really present for me. They didn’t “feel” me like I wanted them to and their behaviour would often make me so angry that I screamed at them. I fought against them and there was war in our family. This did not improve the situation and made things so hard for my kids. I hated my once beloved partners for allowing our love to fall away. To me it was all their fault.

Relationships with my female friends sometimes helped a little but they were also rather complicated. I could not trust any woman. I had been repeatedly cheated on and betrayed by my “best” girlfriend at the time. She even took my lover away- the ultimate betrayal. I saw other women as competition and it was better to keep relationships with them on a superficial level.

There was just stress everywhere in my life. I had to work hard, I was always in the process of building a new company, I had no time to relax and on top of this, there was the household and family to take care of. I remember coming home one evening, tired and stressed from a busy work day, standing in the kitchen, needing to prepare dinner, loading the washing machine, tidying up the living room and the kids started fighting upstairs. I just exploded and screamed, which of course I suppressed by covering my mouth with my hands, and just pulled my hair out instead. I just ran to the bathroom, alone, burst into tears and after a while, I pulled myself together enough to get on with it. I can handle this, all of this, I told myself.

I couldn't, really. I just faked it until my body took the plug out of my system. Then I just did not function anymore, for no one, not for my work, not for my family, not even for myself.

To get out of this state, I tried every therapy I could get a hold on: traditional medicine in different countries and with different doctors, Ayurveda, acupuncture, Reiki, homeopathy, and many other kinds of alternative methods.

I travelled the world to study with the most famous self-healing and self-development gurus and visited 124 different seminars and retreats, always wanting to fix myself to find health, wealth, happiness and fulfillment.

I studied with enlightened masters of East and West in India, Bali, Italy and Germany.

I retreated in silence. I spoke with horses. I lived in nature.

I really tried everything. All was good and gave me something. But it simply didn’t make me happy, healthy or fulfilled.

Until – almost by chance, I stumbled across an initiation process for women which today I call the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat. A process received by women, led by women, for women and with women.

Was it easy to open up to this new work? Really show myself in the presence of other women? Oh no, it wasn’t! I resisted, I fought; I thought that all these other women were crazy. I didn’t trust them, I retreated inside myself and closed down… I felt pain everywhere in my body …

I completely understand you if you are feeling the same way now. I've been there too. I am asking you now to trust me and to be open to every word in the book! I know it sounds like a lot. Take your time. I had to take my time as well. The conditioning that had moulded me into who I thought I was really did take time to slowly loosen its grip. The wounds inside that I had never tended too were way too painful to expose to the “sun” and light at first. The love and magic that happened in the Women’s Wisdom Circle was stronger than my resistance. I slowly but surely relaxed and softened and then the miracle happened. I came home to Her. I was released!

I discovered that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. I learned that I am simply a woman, finding it hard to live in a manmade, male-dominated world. That I, like most women, simply need to redesign my life the female way, a life connected with the powerful woman that lives in our bodies and whose essence is true beauty and love. When we reconnect with this woman, our bodies start to shine from the inside out again and our lives become whole and fulfilled. This inevitably helps our men, our families and our villages and cities, because – maybe you have heard this saying before, if Mamma ain’t happy, nobody ain’t!

I have redesigned my life the female way. There is space for me now, even in my house. Our family has grown together, in freedom. I follow Her guidance. I connect to Her daily.

Today I am living the life of a divine woman. I am free, healthy, happy, fulfilled. I am deeply connected to who I really am, waking up every morning with this big smile on my face and laughing my way through the day virtually every day, even when it gets tough. In fact, I am here at the beach of Corfu taking out time of my busy schedule just for myself! I am truly living in my dream.

If challenges arise – and they do, because redesigning our lives the female way is going to be lifelong process - then there are my sisters, my fellow Donna Divinas to connect too. We are supporting each other immersed in Women’s Wisdom, this Wisdom that lives inside of us.

Ninya and I are way beyond a traditional mother and daughter relationship. We see each other’s greatness and we always are ready to support the highest and best in each other. It’s like we are always communicating: “I want for you, what you want for you”! We share freely about all kinds of topics, concerns and issues. We walk united towards the new world, a world full of love and kindness, of oneness and natural strength.

It worked for me. I am sure it will work for you too!

The Obstacle Game Part III

I am a true golden Goddess, my skin is burning in the fire of transformation and I feel sacred and honoured to be called into such a huge vision to come out of my little box, my prison cell and share with the world. Will I be strong enough? I need the female way, I so need it and my sisters too. The planet needs it too. Tired of pursuing goals, tired of pursuing a better financial income... there is this deep longing to just be and rest in the self and dance in the dance of co-creation without interruption of the flow … the longing will take me ever closer to Her!

Ninya

Today I am happy to be who I am, but this wasn’t always the case…

As a very small child, born into the arms of a very young mother, sad and unsatisfied, suffering for the many bruises life had dealt her, I ‘got’ it with my first glance: I arrived in a “bad world”. The only way to survive here is to be a good girl, to watch from the sidelines and be careful to not attract any attention. “Don’t worry, Mummy, I am here now, I will be nice and sweet and I will make you happy!” these are the words I felt inside of me when I looked at my mum. Being humble, serving her, trying to be liked by her in every way and then inside this never ending sensation that I will never be enough for all of this pain, that every fight between her and daddy was connected with my own existence. Growing up very timidly, surrounded by mountains, with animals as my only friends, the place of freedom were my dreams; the classical dream of my prince charming coming to save me from this horrible world being the favorite one. On the other hand I just felt shame. I was ashamed to be a woman. I felt shame when the young males made fun of me and I felt very ashamed to express myself in any way. So I learnt to wear my masques, or better still, many masques, each one perfectly fitting to the changing situations: the timid, the mysterious, the interesting, the “I don’t care”, the sweet and the serving one who knows how to take care of everyone; the masque of the strong and better one who is afraid of nothing … each masque being a perfect image to present to the world. An unfailing method to hide the immensity of the emptiness behind the whole masquerade … and in spite of it all being loved!

This emptiness was always awaiting me, lurking behind each corner, an emptiness which I have been running from, and feeling inside of me for years … and my way to fill the void was the continuous search for signs of love, of approval and adoration. A hug, a compliment, a romantic night out, the love and adoration of my mother, the flowers, the presents … all of these gave me a brief moment of satisfaction which would leave me immediately after, again with the empty void of existence haunting me. It didn’t matter how many times they told me that I was beautiful or wonderful. No word or action would remain. I was empty and without value. None of my masques were able to fulfill the task for which I had created them.

Everywhere I was looking for the approval, the right to exist and for years, I wasn’t aware of this.

My mother observed me, and let me be, leaving me lost in the search for myself, knowing that I would have learned nothing if she had put obstacles into my way by trying to indicate the way to me. I needed to find my own path by myself, inside of me. Today I am grateful to her for never pushing me to do things which she thought to be “the right thing for me”. It took time. I went through periods of darkness, lost exactly there, at the gnawing mouth of the endless emptiness. Trying to figure out more ways to not feel it, because there was no way I’d give myself over to this emptiness. My mother, searching for personal growth on her own, looking at me from a distance, gently tried to introduce me to some of the methods, but for me, they didn’t work. I did not want to change, even though I knew that for me there was more available, that I could be more of what I was … my little box, safe with all of the unhealthy habits, was much too comfortable to open the door and become the woman I am. “What if I will be left alone? And what if I will want to give up smoking? And what if I will want to leave my boyfriend? And what if I will not like to be with my friends anymore? What will I do? … The new world is there, very close, and the distance is just one decision … but no, I decide it’s a No! Really I am too afraid of my own light.

One day my mother invited me to another event: “It’s a seminar for women only. I’d like to go there together with you and this could be a really nice thing to do together.” Ok, I surrender. “Let’s go, mama.” You and me, to a seminar for woman…

Humpf! …

At first contact everything seems strange, unknown, unbearably sweet and enveloping. Then the emptiness. Here it is. The abyss I always ran from. Here I can’t flee, wherever I turn there is a mirror. I stop. I surrender. I take the masques off. One after another. An abyss of emptiness and pain, extremely strong existential pain: for all of the 4 days, I cried through most of the pain I had stored inside, which was separating me from myself. I am standing in front of my mother, I allow her to see me as I am, I cannot help her, I can’t serve her anymore, I cut myself free from her pain, and I take care only of myself. At the end of these days I am a different woman, a woman I had never met. My skin feels differently. I look at myself in the mirror and I ask the image, if the moment to love what I see has arrived … Yes … it’s done. I look at my mother, she is a woman and I am a woman too. We are women on the path. I don’t have to serve her anymore, I don’t need to please her, I am free to say no, I am free to feel rage and – better yet – I am free to be powerful in front of her. She has brought me to the light, through her I have entered the world and I will be forever grateful for this gigantic gift which I have received, a life … in a woman’s body.

This is how my journey has started and this is how the calling was born to share this path with other women. It’s a calling that arrives from ancient times, from the foremothers who came together in the sacred spaces to honour the Goddess that lived inside of them.

Today I breathe and smile at life, inside of me: SHE, the sweet Donna Divina, the home inside of me, guides my every step, every chapter of my life. I am never alone. I have all permission to be truthful. It’s like a fire which burns inside of me, a blind intuition. If I listen closely, I know what happens before it happens. I am a woman … the whole world is inside of me.

It is within you also, the moment has come to feel Her.

Paola

I would like to briefly tell you my story of the past few years. Exactly ten years ago, I was suddenly deaf in my right ear. I was diagnosed with a hearing loss of severe intensity which fortunately was resolved within a few weeks. Despite this, my life from that time was no longer the same, I realized that I had just received a strong signal that there was something wrong, and that my body wanted to communicate the great discomfort that was inside.

This is when I started to investigate, to try and understand and make sense of what had happened to me. After years of reading about and engaging in spiritual practices, I finally had the opportunity to participate in my first Donna Divina Initiation Retreat. It was an unforgettable experience that changed my life profoundly, and it allowed me to find the connection with my woman’s essence.

I still remember with the incredible sensation of realizing that my search had finally taken the right direction.

The confusion I had experienced in the preceding period gave way to a great trust and gratitude for all that life still had to offer. What has changed is especially the relationship with my woman’s body, who now I perceive as greatly alive and vital as never before. My femininity is now expressed freely, because I allow myself to listen to what my body wishes to express without judgment.

Thanks to the dancing and the movement, which is triggered by the divine music, my body melts and connects to my profound essence, my soul. What I feel in these moments is a wonderful feeling, magical… being a particle of the universe that moves and vibrates in harmony with the whole.

(Because it’s so special I’d like to add that Paola is a retired literature teacher at age 66 and she dances like a teenager again.)

Alison

The road that led me home to Me, to the Sacred Woman that lives in my depths, I found in Donna Divina. All the experiences in my life had prepared me for this....

So I was sitting in my bathtub not too long ago and it came to me...this is it, now is the time...I am ready to be a Woman now. So you're thinking, at 40, you want to be a woman? At 20 you were already a woman! What have you been doing all these years?

Can I just admit that it is only now that I can really feel and live the Woman inside? The raw, passionate, free, intuitive, wise, warrior-queen, loving, all-encompassing Goddess in me.

She lives inside me, ready to manifest. What has been holding Her back has just been layers and layers of stuff that just needed its time to undo. I discovered old habits, schemes of behaviour, inherited ideas and beliefs, learned from others and photocopied in my life. I could see scenes from my early childhood replaying in my own family now, fears from my childhood and adolescence blocking me as an adult, and the built-up anger of it all bubbling through. In my relationship with my husband, I started to see those patterns showing through, based on emotions born from my relationship with my father, I saw the expectations written in the cement of mind, tripping me up constantly, creating huge disappointment and frustration. I could see my own insecurities and doubt over my worth reflected in my teenage daughter's life. I could feel the rage surging through my body, wanting to control all those around me, feeling desperately like if it didn't go in this one particular way, then I am a failure...as a woman, as a mother, as everything. How severely I judged myself, how severely I judged others.

I didn't want these things covering me up anymore. One lampshade at a time was just disappearing, my consciousness awake and bright, no longer blind and deaf to this life. No more bullshit, cover-ups, faking it, ignoring myself and my inner feeling. No more judging, criticizing myself. It's a process that has been going all my life, it's true. I can remember as a child, this yearning to just be ME. There just wasn't the space. At school, with friends, this outside force was mounding me to fit in with the society around me. Being different was just so uncomfortable! And so, the truth of who I am got hidden in a small corner of my being, afraid to show her true light and essence. Every now and again, small sparks would come through but it was not enough. I even tried to follow the course that “everyone else” took, and the results were disastrous for me.

I woke up. At a certain point in my life, with the birth of my fourth child, something shifted and a series of events brought me to freedom. I opened up to the Journey*, an intense and profound work on liberation, liberation from past emotions and traumas that were still attached to me. Then came Journey Woman and that was the first taste of the free and true Alison that I knew down deep inside, and it was so delicious to live this! And then Donna Divina....

Donna Divina was an exquisite state of being for me. It was magic. As soon I entered into the energy, all these layers just dropped off immediately and I entered into ME...an infinite, unconfined expanse all to be discovered! I felt so connected to all things around me, inside me, and the power coming from my depths was surging through. Yes, finally!!! I have been wanting this for so long! My body came alive, all my cells were vibrating with this delightful music. All of me was celebrating! I could look into the eyes of the other women with me, and I could see straight into their own exquisite essences, free and open. And it was so clear... this is Divine work, and this is what women need.

How was it after the retreat? Going back to the “real world”? Well, I remember the drive home and stopping in a rest area. I felt like a Goddess walking through the crowds, my energy vibrating all out. It was still so fresh and alive. With time, the world and its business and ideas do have its effect. But now, it can take only a second for me to reconnect with that same power and energy, the Divine Woman that lives in me, and then I can rest in and move from that. And you know, life happens, challenges come up, and I can say that I am living this so much better now. I am embracing all that comes, knowing that in my power as a Divine Woman in this life, I am co-creating my reality. The two biggest obstacles, being a Victim and Judgment, have fallen away. I thank Donna Divina for this.

Now, enjoy the song below and then let’s get started! Just turn the page…Song -the Peace Chant, Jennifer Steed

Chapter 4

Who is She?

"The true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air, but simply walking on this earth."

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Donna Divinas all around the world, if you hear them speak, they often use the word “She” and “Her”.

So who is She, really?

The easiest way to comprehend who She really is – is by understanding who She is not.

She is not unhappy, unhealthy, lonely, bitter, full of rage and resentment, frustrated, without resources, disconnected, lamenting, hateful, revengeful, competitive, playing small, faking it, lying, taking more than she needs, unloving, harsh, hard, shut down, depressed, poor, helpless, jealous, a victim, controlling and in control, full of shame, hiding, fearful, anxious, panicky...are you getting the picture yet?

She is no victim. She is no abuser. She is no slave. She is no egocentric being concerned only with her own survival.

There are two entities living inside of you, in your inner world, living you, making your heart beat and making you react and act. And if you are ready and willing to be quiet for a moment, you can easily find out for yourself who those entities are.

We like to call them She and you.

She- The true Self, - the Higher self, the soul.

You - the false Self - Lower Self, the personality (or ego).

The real question is: who is She and who are you?

In your inner world lives a grand, great big She. The divine woman. For most of us, She is well hidden, cornered or imprisoned. Most of us are living the little, small, scared and often dysfunctional you. This is really who you are not.

So again, who is it you are not?

As women, most of us have forgotten who we truly are. When we were really small, we looked up to our mothers and grandmothers, maybe sister(s), and copied them. The woman we are today, our identity, is a mix of all the female stimuli of our childhood, our teenage years and young women years. Of course we are not replicas of the women in our family, because we also had girlfriends, teachers, and all the time in school who helped give us the concept of the woman we are today.

The little “you” lives in the head, in our mind. Some call this our personality, our identity. This you is a concept of who we needed to be in order to be able to survive.

Also men “helped” us to form our identity. There is a whole bunch of confusion inside us, of who this woman we are today has to be. Television, movies and well-studied publicity contributed to form the image of the woman we really are not. There is no way we can be all of this. Sexy, wild, and loving, and at the same time, beautiful and well-dressed like a fashion model. Successful, powerful, and gentle, supporting everyone and everything from the behind the scenes. Healthy, sportive, fit, and a mother of many children. Supersensual, supersweet, superunderstanding, supercaring. Most of us are trying to be the identity, the ideal, the images, the you, without ever questioning its origin, its sanity, or even its truth.

When you were born and entered this world, you remembered who She is. There was no You at that moment. This is She. The real You . Let’s call her the big You, the You or She with the capital letters. Do you remember Her?

Most of us don’t. There is a part in us which remembers everything, every moment of our life. Sometimes, or spontaneously in an altered moment, like during an accident, or through specific meditative and therapeutic practices, or in a silent moment with ourselves, we access this force. Then we remember.

When you were born, you were pure love... a shining diamond coming into this world, pure, innocent, beautiful, simply amazing. There was nothing wrong with you. Then the world presents itself in the form of hospital, doctors, parents, family, siblings, education, belief systems, you name it, and this entered into your timeless, spacious pure Beingness. They didn’t mean to do you any harm, they simply were already disconnected from their own true Being (from the She with the capital letters). Thus it happened that all these false identities entered you. They were all meaning well, wanting to help you to survive in this complex world, yet they actually served to disconnect you from your true Being, or essence, or She.

She never gives up. She continues to call you home. She is the real You. She is the missing piece in your life. She is calling you to allow Her to be embodied again. Once you live from Her, your true being, your life is fantastic. Nothing is missing then. She lives inside of every woman.

She is warm, hot, mysterious, vast, gentle, infinite, full of light, shining, full of fragrance, eternal, blissful, crazy, lively, free, fit, intangible, all-embracing, strong, shy, hidden, loving, fiery and fresh. She is love itself in all possible forms.

Why have we lost contact to Her?

She retreated to a safe, hidden place inside of us in order to be able to survive. Five thousand years of female repression – it wasn’t safe for Her to be seen, to be allowed in, to be expressed.

She is not gone though, she is just hidden and cornered and covered up by our “you”, the personality, the false identity. The one you might think you are right now, but She is actually the truth of your being.

The good news is that we are, as humanity, at a threshold. The time has come and it's now; the time for women to come home to their female potential and power, to live as an expression of the Woman with capital W, who She really is. We are now shifting from the old paradigm of male predomination into an age of female energies, of healing and union.

Most women are feeling this already. And some men are too. The freedom sisters before us accomplished so much with the women’s liberation movement in the outer world. Do you know that the first right for women to vote was only implemented in 1893 in New Zealand? 1918 in Germany, 1945 in Italy, and in Saudi Arabia they will not be eligible to vote until 2015. Even more incredible, until the early 1800s in many Western countries due to some confusion within the Christian religion, it was not clear if women even officially had a soul. In some of the world’s religions today, it’s still not clear if women are as worthy as men spiritually, or otherwise.

All these conditionings are real. They happened and sadly continue to happen. Women were somehow less, in second place, behind. You may be aware of them or not. It makes no difference at all. They are in our cells, in our cell memories.

There is one spiritual concept which I found to be true in my own experience...

The Inner world creates the Outer world.

What does this really mean? It means that inside, as women, collectively, we are prisoners of the past. The past is the past, but it still has an effect on our present and future.

So what women need globally is...

Inner world liberation.

How do we do this?

You are She - the True Self.

To help understand, let's try this... imagine being an empty cup, ready to receive all the joy and love there is, you are that empty cup, so empty that the love that you are can just flow through you effortlessly and creates an amazing outer world as this world becomes suffused with love.

From the moment you are born, this cup is being filled up with all the lies and limitations, all the belief systems and all the stuff we already spoke about above, and the creation of you, the false self starts, usually as a result of conditioning. To begin with, these conditionings are based on the need to survive (and not the need to be happy or to thrive or to enjoy life) and then the cup continues to be filled up on false assumptions that you are told as a child; on continuous repetition of false beliefs coming from the external environment, from others using phrases repeated by parents, siblings or teachers; and on strong emotional or traumatic experiences of the past.

You may have been told you’re not good enough, clever enough, pretty enough. You may have been told “to stop being”, “you should do”. The creation of the you, the false self beings. A world that brings suffering and hardship. There is no room in the cup for love, for Her to shine as it’s full of lies.

How then do we get back to the real you, how do we find our way home to the love that we are?

There are two ways I know of:

1. To recondition ourselves: which means to take out the false self (you) and substitute the new space with more healthy choices.

2. To bypass the small you. Your true self (She) is always with you and you can allow Her to take the lead. It’s like opening the window after years of darkness and letting the natural sun shine in again. The sun has always been here; it was just blocked out by the window curtains.

When She is fully present, the mind chatter stops, the fear dissolves and the veil is pierced. Now, effortlessly, the real She is coming through in a divine flow.

It’s so simple that it becomes difficult again.

This is what we do in the Donna Divina Process, bypass the mind and pierce the veil that has blocked each woman to reconnect to the divine woman She is and always has been.

How do we recognize Her in our daily lives? She might manifest in a shopping centre. Imagine meeting another beautiful She, let’s say the cashier lady, and then spontaneously allowing yourself to speak to Her, making her a simple compliment about Her welcoming smile, the depth within Her eyes, or whatever has caught your attention. She feels the need to tell Her that she has a beautiful smile, radiant eyes. These few words might have the power to lighten up Her whole day. You have allowed Her to create simple and immediate magic, that’s Her doing inside of you. Maybe you will become friends with the cashier lady in the future, who knows. Usually, even if we see another She around, our little identity has the tendency to stop the impulse of addressing “a stranger”, so it might play shy and fearful instead, or it might just swallow the words of recognition and instead bring on envy towards “the other's” beauty, or compare it to someone else, or even worse, “bitch” about it.

Another example... imagine being at work and you have just completed something and you know you have done a really great job. She comes up inside of you, praising your worth and value for the company, and feeling so ready to walk into the bosses’ office to ask for a well-deserved pay raise, which would definitely make your life easier. Instead the little you surfaces and starts to doubt, thinking about it, getting scared and eventually preventing you from speaking your truth to your boss. After repressing the healthy action of growth, frustration has been created inside, so maybe you go for a coffee, and in the evening, all you can do is speak badly about your boss, who really knows nothing about the whole story.

She often manifests through an inner voice, a feeling of elation, of joy and happiness and She is there, guiding you to greatness, but the little you brings up fear and doubt, always ready to stop you from allowing Her in fully.

Another example of Her knocking at your door could be an impulse to surrender yourself in intimacy with your partner, and in that moment, the false you awakes within, and your mind says, he doesn’t deserve to be loved in this way, he ignored me yesterday. You’re secretly thinking that you need to punish him by withdrawing from intimacy, by not engaging in your love. The small you is here. She has been lost to the chatter of the mind. A moment of expansion and love is not to be experienced.

Finding Her

These simple actions can be done on a daily basis to find and reconnect with Her automatically:

Action One – Observe yourself during the day, and become present and truthful: say the truth about how you think and feel, stop faking it, become real.

Action Two- Start to change your inner world by softening, opening, inviting. Instead of sending it away, judging it, or resisting it, bring it on! Write it down, be with it. Love it. Forgive. Let go. Move on.

Action Three – Unite with other women, speak the truth to each other. Open, allow. We as women have a natural healing power inside and if we come together in honesty, magic happens effortlessly. This is why we also offer Donna Divina Inspiration and Exploration seminars, to come together and allow the magic. Our vision is that these women circles become a natural part of life in all cities and towns. Circles of truth.

I am very happy to report, that these women circles are being created everywhere around the globe right now. There is certainly one close to you as well.

It’s so simple, actually. Reconnect to Her and you are healthy, happy and fulfilled again. Miss Her call and continue to play small, and your search for that something will go on forever. Something precious you have lost. You will keep looking for it everywhere on the outside, in your career, your family, your relationships, your spiritual practice, even in your finances, not seeing that “it” is right here, inside, softly calling you home, your real I AM – SHE!

In this book we will walk together, hand in hand, allowing Her to gently and softly come back into your body, and into your life.

Are you ready for the journey?

Let’s get started!

One more thing, before we move on, know that She and you are One!

Sometimes, as women, we can get lost. It may happen that once we have discovered Her, we continue to speak about Her as if She was separate from us, as if She had nothing to do with us, as if She was someone out there.

The truth is, She and you are one, since you are Her, there is no you in the She! All this confusion with She and you just fades away. In the moment of remembering, She is not separate from you. The little you is just an illusion arising out of the big She, covering Her up. Once She lives your life again, the little you just vanishes. Then you are just She. Of course, you won’t be calling yourself like that!

She is the only reality, the One you are. Words can trip us up, it's clearer when you experience this for yourselves. This is what I wish for you, to experience Her, live as Her and not talk about Her. Be Her. No words needed.

So right now, go inside and find Her.

Ritual – Finding Her inside

Find a private space somewhere in your home or go outside in nature. Maybe it’s easiest if you record the following words, reading them out to yourself and then listen to them. You could ask another dear woman friend to read them out to you. Or download the audio file from the website and listen to my voice guiding your through this process.

Find a comfortable position for you, the right one in this moment. It might be standing, lying, sitting, whatever feels right.

Allow yourself to settle into this comfortable position and when you feel safe and ready, allow your eyes to close.

Feel your whole body. How does your body feel right now? Is it in a state of silent wellbeing already? Or is it tense, tired, even painful? Just observe, really speak to yourself inside and let your body know that you don’t want to change it. Whatever this Woman’s body is feeling right now is perfect.

Let her (the body) know, that you accept her as she is, that you don’t want to change a thing. Just listen, feel, sense, observe.

Bring your attention now, to your feet and allow them to relax. Allow them to become vast, open, and strong feet. You might even feel how the feet start to reconnect to the earth or the floor beneath you. Imagine that in this relaxation the feet start to become so vast, that the roots to mother earth, yes, roots like in a plant, become free, tangible and visible again. Enjoy the sensation of being rooted. Enjoy this moment of rediscovering your roots. Rest here for a little while.

(short break)

And then, right now, take a deep breath and bring your whole awareness to your body, scanning through your whole body. This woman’s body has all the answers, feel how you start to soften and trust. This body has been given to you, it’s prefect as it is. What do you feel? How does this body feel right now?

If you don’t feel anything anywhere, just find a place where there is tension. Surround this area with all of your attention, with your soft love. And then, if this area had a voice, what would it say to you? Allow the communication to happen. You might hear words, or see images or just sense an answer. Allow it to happen. And, this communication from your own body, how does it really make you feel? Invite the feeling. Make it stronger. Invite it fully. Whatever arises is welcome. Just be with it. Trust. You have now entered into your inner world. You are welcome here. Soften even more. If you don’t like it here, just open wider. This is how it is right now. Take notice, observe. Stay with it. Not a thing needs to be changed here!

Feel, how important and easy it is to just rest here. Take away the pressure of wanting to be different. Really rest with what you are finding, without wanting to send it away, to run from it. Just be and allow yourself to relax even more.

Be curious. With childlike curiousity, imagine being a little girl and with her innocent curiousity she wants to explore her inner world. Even when she gets scared, her curiousity is much stronger. Ask yourself...

Who am I really?

Continue to be soft and open. Rest. Allow whatever arises to the surface to come. Images might arise, or just sensations. Or emptiness. Or nothing. Just allow it. Everything is welcome. Trust yourself.

Continue to ask yourself this question...

Who am I, really?

Ask it again and again. Who am I really? Who am I really? Who am I really?

Allow silence to follow after each question. Allow whatever arises. Just open more.

Continue to ask this question over and over again. Continue to ask yourself “Who am I really” for 10 full minutes. (If you are speaking to yourself on a registration device, ask “Who am I really?” again and again, 1 minute pause, then the next question, until you arrive at 10 minutes)

You may find you experience some emotion, your body may shake or cells within your body may awaken, allow yourself to welcome anything that chooses to reveal itself, without criticism or judgement. Surround your experience with your own love and acceptance. All is welcome.

After 10 minutes:

Take a nice deep breath in and bring your awareness back to your woman’s body. Fill her up with another deep breath … and let it out. Start to move your body gently. Maybe start to wiggle your toes and your fingers and then stretch your body, exactly in the way your body loves to stretch right now. Enjoy!

Whenever you are ready, take another nice deep breath in and, softly, in your own timing, open your eyes.

Before you go on with your daily life, take a moment to write into your diary or notebook what you just discovered.

Repeat this ritual as often as you desire. Be curious about the answers arising. These answers at a certain point don’t come out of your conditioned mind (the little you) anymore, they start to come directly from your Real Her. Enjoy! Continue and continue until you are actually getting a taste of Her inside of you!

Sonia finds who she is – Her!

"Is She with you always?"

Yes, She is with me in every single day of my life and in everything I do and say she is always there. Sometimes it happens that I don’t speak and remain in silence. I am waiting for Her to answer from within. If I had spoken before, it wouldn’t be Her that answered.

“How did you find Her?”

This fantastic Donna Divina Retreat was the most beautiful thing I ever treated myself to. I was ready to change everything, to let go of it all with serenity and complete awareness. I get goosebumps just remembering it. I knew that Sonia, my identity, would not be there anymore afterwards and in spite of this I threw myself into it. Allowing the remaining bits of my little I to speak, I’d say that I feel more fear now at the thought of doing a re-sit at another Donna Divina Initiation Retreat. Now I know the power, but before I had no idea. I wasn't aware of the power of Her homecoming.

I found myself between sisters and I felt protected. At a certain point, I entered this circle held by women with open hearts and I entered to find myself. I cannot really describe what happened; it’s an energetic thing, a magic which happened when I opened the door to my inner world... I allowed, I surrendered and in the presence of the other women the reconnection, I dare say, the awakening, just “happened” - this circle functioned like an accelerator of transformation. I remember the surprise in the realization that She had always been there. She was there and waited for the occasion to return in all of Her glory! For my whole life She had been told that She was wrong, She wasn’t allowed, She was too much … and then suddenly – “bang” – She returned with all of Her glory. She was beautiful, perfect in Her imperfection, consistent in Her inconsistency and in all of this She started to live Her life exactly as it should be, the life which She was born for …

She whispered to me: “BEING HAPPY is the only important thing:”

“How do you “perceive” Her?”

In the time after the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, She was like a hurricane, a swollen river. She swept away everything, all of what wasn’t needed anymore. I went through personal experiences that would never have manifested if it wasn’t for Her power and Her determination, and inner experiences which I will remember for the rest of my life (in a very positive sense). She has completely awed me because She manifested everything around Her, in “my” life, with such complete perfection. Divine perfection, I’d call it!

Now we are completely integrated, She is me and I am Her, always, two faces of the same coin. We balance each other and I can't really describe how exactly we interact, we are just One. My life is now guided by instinct and intuition, there is not much thought at all; I allow myself to see the divine design in everything I do, in every situation I live. Everything is perfect as it is. May I share a few more words? “Learn the lesson and let go, don’t allow it to become a personal quest. Take what you need and let the rest go with serenity. It’s really worth it!”

Now that you’ve got a taste of Her, you might want to listen to this Song:

Who you really are, Kirtana

Congratulations (!) for actually going through this ritual! Now let’s move on to what many women have asked me at the beginning of their journey towards Her…what about Him?

Chapter 5

What about Him?

“There is war in the world. Lots of war. Visible and invisible!

The most terrible war is inside.

The second most terrible war is between Man and Woman.

When Woman stands in her glorious power

The war comes to an end.

When Woman lives as Woman,

Love and Union will reign this planet,

Natural Abundance flows through each living being,

In heart and body.

When Woman is happy, so is Man.

When Woman is healed, the war between Man and Woman is over.

To heal Woman, Man needs to love Her

Not understand Her,

Just love Her.

Then the saying:

“Make Love not War”

Will have a meaning.

So both Men and Woman are called upon

To do the divine work!

This planet depends on it.”

“If we do the sacred female work, meeting just as Women, then He is left out!”

This is what I hear again and again from women.

What I have seen again and again, are many woman resisting, arguing and tiptoeing around a deep-seated fear about moving into a life as a divine woman.

Believe me, I can deeply relate to this fear.

When I investigate and explore this fear, this is what usually surfaces: Women generally fear that if they do the Donna Divina Process or go to Wise Woman Circles or come to a Donna Divina Initiation retreat or any other retreat just for Women – if they just start to do the sacred female work, in whatever from -

He will be left out - or behind.

They fear not only for their partners, husbands and sons, they also fear for their own male part – or male energy – inside. They often fear that just being a woman is not enough. They fear that investing time and energy into awakening the real woman inside will lead to a war against men, or at least to not being supportive to male energy and somehow against it.

The opposite is true.

Men and male energy are not left out, or criticized, or made less or fought against or ridiculed. I’d like to make it really clear:

Donna Divinas love, love, love, love, love men!

They love, love, love men. When Mamma is happy, everyone is! A divine woman brings light and wellbeing into herself and then automatically transmits it to her man – and he hugely benefits. She becomes soft, open, happy, smiling and receiving. She doesn’t criticize him anymore. She doesn’t need him and or depend on him anymore, She is just amazing to him and he is attracted to her new shining beauty.

This goes into the family, to the kids, into the job. One woman at a time, healing herself, healing her relationship – one family at a time, and then the village, the city, the country, the nation, the planet.

If you are a man and are reading these lines (it might happen, because some men really wish to understand their woman more, love her better and/or explore their own female part), I have some really good news for you....

You will benefit immensely from the Donna Divina Process. In the future, when you meet a divine woman, you’ll just sense the Goddess She is. You’ll enjoy her beauty. Let me paint a picture for you: You meet Her on the streets and She smells like a flower and you are attracted to Her like a bee towards nectar. You can’t explain what it is, She might not even be attractive like the models on the cover of magazines, She might not even match your image of a beautiful woman – but She has this something. She has this glow, this aura of femininity around Her, which you just enjoy, which you just wish to serve, to love, to surrender to. She has everything you ever longed for. You’ll “know”, that being with Her, if even just for a brief moment, will make you a better man. If you could only make Her happy, your life would be fulfilled. You’d be happy also!

Sounds impossible? Maybe. It’s actually what I am experiencing in my life, and I feel I have been called to share it with you. (Even the risk to be ridiculed as a dreamer and innocent romantic fantasizer is not as scary as remaining silent and letting this world be as it is – in a really messy state especially concerning love.)

So man, of course you’d like your own woman to be like Her, regardless of whether you are in a relationship of not, deep down you desire a woman like this. Just as much as your own woman wishes you’d be like Him, the God that lives inside of you. The question arises, who will start to live as a God or Goddess? It’s like asking yourself: what came first, the chicken or the egg?

I’d say that when a woman starts to live as a Goddess on earth, automatically Man will follow.

So, Men, the real Woman, the Goddess is not dangerous to you because She loves you! She is powerful and knows what she needs and usually gets what She needs, and her needs are not in conflict with yours. Her needs are all embracing.

Women, relax! Even though men will be attracted to you, once you live as a Goddess on Earth, he will not harm you! Goddesses are safe, they are powerful, present and conscious. They naturally attract Gods. It’s the victim in us and the fearful woman in us that might attract abuse. The Goddess is safe!

Men are surprisingly supportive towards the Donna Divina movement, it’s like they’d be saying, yes, please, support the women to be beautiful, soft and loving again! e really want more Goddesses around!

Some of the husbands and partners encourage their women to come again and again to the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, (even though once is enough). As woman purifies her past burden’s, as She becomes more who She really is, their love relationship automatically improves. Yes, they love each other more deeply and true.

Men, really relax, you will benefit hugely from Donna Divinas. Even more so when it comes to making love in your relationship. As She comes home to herself, her love vibes, the really earthy ones, go back to nature.

Also Donna Divinas have nothing to do with feminism and fighting, as we have already clarified in one of the opening chapters: “Why this book?”.Our sisters and ancestress did that for us already. They fought for equality and brought us great physical freedom. We can move around now in the world, get jobs and much more. Sadly, equality didn’t bring us freedom or love. Now we are moving a step ahead, instead of equality, truthful differences, truthful female or male being, which brings union. Opposites attract each other and then become one.

The female empowerment and awakening movement happening right now, and Donna Divina is just one manifestation of it, is, if we can be so bold - a silent revolution, because reconnecting women to Women’s Wisdom is a soft revolution happening in the inner world. She finds home inside herself where everything is already there. Donna Divina enables women remember who they are. Since Her essence is pure love – war and fighting, hardness and competition is just nowhere to be found. There is harmony and union, there is life!

Some men have expressed that they’d also to come to a Donna Divina Retreat. That it’s not fair for them as they are missing out on such great work. The truth is, for men, there are lots of amazing books and programs already available, and there is everything a man could possibly need. The majority of personal development work, initiation processes out there, almost every seminar, and every religion has been made by men and for men The whole system and society is his. Just look around you and you will see this for yourself.

This is also the reason why more women feel that the time is here for a change and a global shift in consciousness. Why would he need to change, if whatever he needs already exists? This world is made by him and for him. It’s comfortable and works for him, this world! It’s a reflection of male energy!

Some men also perceive they are missing something, because the female energy lives inside of him as well. This part may not be as happy and healthy as it could be. This female part also carries the burden of 5000 years of repression and would like to come back into its power. There are many men who already have a healthy and integrated female part in them. Usually they are found in spiritual circles, where movements of peace and healing are being born, because they give space for the female aspect in man to emerge, in love and understanding.

So what is the balance? Now it really gets tricky.

Both men and women have both male and female energies inside. I feel I need to explain and I will do my best to keep it simple. We are born of both father and mother, therefore both of their energies are inside of us. Yes, for all of us! Now we are living embodiments of opposites, which are merged through love.

The sad reality that some of us get confused and there are women in female bodies embodying male energy, and they may be called the ‘Alpha Female’. Men in male bodies embodying female energy can sometimes be called ‘weak’ because of their sensitive nature. Everything is possible, and if you are gay or lesbian, it doesn’t matter, and even for those born in the wrong body, gender reassignment is possible. The essence of your soul can find its way home.

Why is this a sad truth? As always I can only speak from my own personal experience. Until I embraced the Goddess within me, I embodied too much male energy. I was deeply unhappy, unsatisfied, lonely and burned out. My own discovery on this journey has been that if women embody their natural female energy, they are healthy happy and powerful. Likewise, as men, if they embody their natural male energies, in turn, they are happy and powerful. If two authentic energies meet and allow love to be the guide, we find union. True union. This is how this creation was meant to be, from my own personal, innocent, point of view. If you are a lesbian or a gay, you are naturally doing divine work, because one of you is the man and one is the woman, so please don’t be upset right now!

The ultimate goal is to be neither man nor woman but to BE ONE!

Sounds very difficult to comprehend, I know. What does it mean to be One? Well, come and see for yourself. There is no way I can describe it, nobody can. It means merging with who you are, with the creator, the creation, the created. Any clearer now? It doesn’t matter. Just let the words vibrate. It will all become clear once you see for yourself.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”As Marianne Williamson stated so eloquently, many years ago.

Women sometimes come to the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat and seem to be really shy and silent. They often say: “I am here now, but I don’t know why. I don’t know what being a Woman really means. Actually, I feel I am not a woman, I don’t know what being a woman means? All the others are women! I am not!”

Some of them believe that their femininity is inside a cute handbag, which they bring with them, as a token to show other women who they are. Equally the way they dress or the way they move are all indicators of what they think it is to be ‘female’.

Other woman just say it out loud: “I have never been female and I don’t want to go there!”

Many times women resist very strongly the call from Her, and they prefer to search for an ideal state of balance, they ask for support from their “inner man”, or they prefer to allow their male energy to be the dominant force, just to be safe. There is this huge fear, this emptiness, this total unknown as soon as we genuinely open up to real female power.

Why is it so difficult to give space to Her, without focusing on him?

The answer is obvious to me, because as women we have forgotten what being Her really means. It is so unknown, so full of magic and intuition, that it becomes scary in the beginning. It’s like we need to be reborn – and therefore parts of our little personality, part of our ego needs to die to Her. Death, in whichever form, is scary.

We forgot who She is, and now we are afraid of Her. I can guarantee, She always only wants the best for you.

For me it used to be the same. When I met Her the first time, She felt so soft, so vulnerable, so utterly out of control, so new, that I became terrified. Yes, utterly terrified. It was like there was someone inside of me I had never met before. This experience happened during a tantric*retreat. We had been asked by the retreat facilitators to dance as a group of women while the men who were with us stood around and watched. In the beginning we were shy but soon the support of all the sisters and our female circle gave rise to emergence of the female essence. It was amazing. I felt like I had never felt before in my life… I was so open, so transparent, so utterly exposed. The men were visibly stunned by such beauty.

Then the men started to dance and were asked to do the same thing, to connect with their male energy and dance as an expression of how that felt inside. It was strong energy. I really couldn’t take it, and terror arose. My whole body started to shake in terror and all I wanted to do is escape from the men, the seminar room, the location. The other women took me in their arms and held me, keeping me there; my escape route was blocked! I was “forced” to be with my terror. The terror of thousands of years of being female. I slowly softened and allowed the waves of this emotion to flood through me. It took some time, maybe fifteen minutes. The love of the other women embraced me ever so softly. Afterwards I was connected to Her! She had finally come through! Life was shining in all of its colours. I felt a happiness, a flow inside of me, that I had never ever experienced. No thoughts, no questions in my mind. I just smiled and enjoyed life. This state stayed with me for a whole week.

When it was time to leave the retreat, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to face the world as a woman and so I carefully put my male armor back on again. How could I face this world full of competition and challenges in this openness, softness, love and transparency?

Slowly but surely the armor dropped away naturally as I embraced my female energy. My whole life changed, including my work. Up until then, I had been leading a couple of businesses which depended solely on the manifestation of my male energy.

The best gift I received from living as a woman in a woman’s body was the flowering love in my relationship with my husband. Oh yes, and the health and vitality flowing through my body. I am so grateful that I paid the price – the little death of the terror – for so much bliss.

By living my femininity my husband automatically started to live his masculinity. Our lives were restored to what they were meant to be.

I’d really like to repeat one more time, that my personal experience in this female body when there is a lack of female energies, it becomes sick and feels like a desert craving for water. I say, let women be women and may men be men! Live the natural way.

In the Donna Divina Process and movement we focus on Her only because this is what is missing in the world. There is more than enough focus on Him everywhere else. Give yourself permission to do the same- to explore Her, to get to know Her, experience Her, live as Her.

The way to believe is through doing. Don’t believe anything unless it’s your own direct experience. Look, feel, hear, taste,smell, sense for yourself. I thought the same way when it all started. After 175 different personal growth, self-healing and awakening seminars I had attended, what more could there possibly beout there that could be useful? I can only speak from the results. The results I see in myself and many more women who have gone through the Donna Divina process are simply mind-blowing. I invite you to come and experience for yourself.

Exercise - Allowing your longing for oneness

The following exercise has the intention to allow you to re –open yourself to your heart’s desire regarding your longing, your magnetism, your desire for a lover.

Some of us have closed our hearts even to the possibility of finding love again. This usually happens after a heartbreak, a failed relationship, marriage, or several of them. We might start to believe that living with a partner, with a lover, with a soul mate is just not for us.

It might not be for us. The decision is not up to us, or to our little you. She decides! Let’s open again and allow Her to decide what is best for us – to live with a lover or to be single.

Or you might be in relationship with a lover and still unhappy. Maybe your lover does not fulfill your longing. Maybe there are parts of him you’d like to be different. Just listen to yourself and allow everything to be expressed, without any judgment!

Now that you have read about the truth that She is the creator of your destiny in the last chapter “Who is She?”, it’s about time to let Her speak, without any repression, of what She truly desires. You might feel that you don’t deserve to dream or ask for more than you have, but the truth is, you do! “Ask and you will receive”! Trust yourself, the expression of your heart’s desire is a healthy and wholesome thing to do. Dreaming is very healthy and many times has brought amazing new things (including lovers☺) into existence.

Find a silent space where you’ll be undisturbed for at least 30 minutes. Bring your notebook or journal with you and a pen.

Find a comfortable position and allow yourself to be silent for a couple of minutes. Just breathe slowly and deeply into your lungs and belly. Close your eyes, whenever you feel ready. Allow your closed eyes to shift their vision inside of your body, while your body starts to relax deeply now.

Just be with what is here. The sounds around you, the body sensations, the smells, the feelings and emotions. Rest and be. Just being, nothing to do.

Now start to ask yourself:

How do I wish my lover to be like?

What does my ideal love relationship look like?

What do I long for in the relationship with my lover/partner/husband?

Allow images to arise. Allow sensations to arise. Allow your heart to softly open and just express what “it” has always wished for. Be innocent, playful, and truthful to yourself. When is the last time you just gave yourself some time to dream and be?

Now take your time. Be curious and explore your heart’s desire. If you had the power to truly manifest your dream lover, how would he be like, what would he look like, how would he behave, and which values would he bring with him? What lover are you really dreaming about?

Then, take a nice deep breath in and let it out.

Softly open your eyes and take your notebook and write it all down!

Paint a vivid picture of the lover you are secretly dreaming about in your heart. You have all permission to play with this!

Enjoy! It might surprise you!

Thank yourself for the time you gave to honoring yourself, your dream and slowly come back to your daily life.

A note about the potential of this exercise: when I did it for the first time, I really envisioned my dream partner. The real man in my life was far from being this dream man. So there was a lot of pain between Her heart’s desire and reality. What to do? I just accepted things and kept dreaming. It worked! My reality changed in a couple of years and the man transformed – without needing to change partner, into my dream man. Miracles do happen!

Enjoy a Song - Ready for Love, India Arie

*Definition of Tantra : by Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar describes a tantric individual and a tantric cult: a person who, irrespective of caste, creed or religion, aspires for spiritual expansion or does something concrete, is a Tantric. Tantra in itself is neither a religion nor an "ism". Tantra is a fundamental spiritual science. By Swami Satyananda: Tantra embodies two sanskrit words: tanoti (expands) and trayoti (liberates)... It is the system by which you liberate or separate the two aspects of consciousness and matter - purusha and prakriti or Shiva and Shakti, or Man and Woman.

Chapter 6

Smart Books only make you more stupid

“Kill with love. Wake up, tiger, inside of me. Go hunt for the truth. Dig your claws and teeth deeply into the flesh of lies and limitations. Then, quick as an arrow, never to be known, kill the illusion with love. Know that there is nothing to know. Life is much simpler!”

I hope you like this chapter’s title. It’s one of my favourites. It's especially funny because I am writing a book and you are reading this book right now!

Only, it’s not a smart book. I am not a studied person. Really, I'm not. I have spent most of my life unlearning everything I had learnt up to the age of eighteen. After that, it has taken me a lot of time and energy to unlearn everything else I learned without even knowing I had learned it! Things I wasn't aware of, such as how to “behave” as a woman, how to be as a woman, how to be as a mother, how to be as a wife, how to be as a business woman, and so on and so forth. I had to dig deep, and ask myself continuously, what is true, and who am I really?

I don’t use “studied” language in this book. I am writing as I speak. I am allowing the words to flow out of my being.

Today I am proud to share that I am an ordinary woman living an extraordinary life. I did not study at the universities of man. I overcame my feeling of worthlessness because I don’t have a professional title, and that feeling of valuelessness because I birthed children and was “only” a mother and housewife for many years. Worthless because I don't have a “standard” professional curriculum, nor do I respect the normal way to dress, or to behave. I am not living as a “respectable” member of society, because I am not a doctor or lawyer or psychologist, or another academic profession that gives value and worth to my person – and yet, even still, I can't help but share with you how to live a natural life in wellbeing.

Today I am happy and relaxed to declare that I know nothing. I say it to you now, and I say it also to larger audiences when I am presenting. Really all I can do is to create the space for you to come and see for yourself who you truly are.

Yes, I am connected to who I am almost every minute. There are still a few moments that I forget. There are even some days I forget, but underneath I always remember. Of course it has not always been like this. I feel fortunate. I searched and searched, and then the search stopped and I found my being – Her. Life, nature, the animals and silence were my teachers. The trees, the grass, the sky. The horses.

Come and see for yourself. Living life as the truth of who you are, as Her, is the biggest blessing on earth. I feel integrated in standing in my truth, which changes from moment to moment, and which cannot be known. It can only BE. It’s so simple! I am startled at how difficult it is to put this into words.

Maybe a little story can help. It’s about a Sage and not a Wise Woman! Too bad. That’s how it goes for the most part in our literature... the smart books report male history mostly. How can we know what it really was like in these times if only half of humanity (men) wrote smart books? If most history books were recorded by men? How were the women living? What was their view on reality?

It doesn’t matter so much because wisdom is not in books anyway!

“Once upon a time there was a very well-known sage, living in a simple hut in the forest of India. He was always happy. Many great Kings came to visit him in his simple abode, travelling long journeys, all of them hoping to get some of his treasure, this eternal happiness.

The generous sage was always available to sit with the Kings and the many other visitors that came and he treated everyone with love and kindness, always offering some deep words of wisdom which would make his visitors much happier. Although his words were few, they entered right into the searching minds and hearts of his guests and made a difference to them.

The guests always left smiling and grateful.

The days went by, and the seasons came and went, and the sage continued to be happy, living a very simple and modest life. He did not need much. He really was one with nature and nature provided for him.

One day a very studied professor arrived at the hut. He did not come to look for happiness, he came to record the words of wisdom that the sage offered to his guests. He wanted to study the secrets of the sage, to find a formula, so he could write about it and let humanity know the secret of happiness. He sincerely desired to help.

The professor wasn’t concerned with happiness at all- all he was interested in was knowledge.

He arrived at the hut with all of his writing equipment, his tent and the rest of his luggage of supplies and first aid packages, sunscreen and insect repellents. He had planned for a long stay during the warm season, as he knew it would take some time to do all of his research on the sages’ secret.

The sage wasn’t surprised to see his new guest. He greeted him with all his generous warmth and usual kindness. They sat down together and the sage welcomed his new, studious guest, as if he was a longtime friend.

Then the professor started to ask questions and questions with his notebook and pen ready. He spoke very fast, because there was so much he wanted to know. Because he was always speaking and asking, it took him a while to realize that the sage just remained in silence. The professor was startled. He tried different questions. The sage did not answer a single one.

Other guests arrived, and the sage got up and greeted them with all his kindness and generosity of heart. The new guests asked their questions, or told their stories, and received immediate soothing words from the sage. A smile came to their lips and they felt a weight being pulled off their shoulders. They hugged the sage and left the little hut dancing and singing.

The professor now was even more startled. He tried to listen very closely to the words the sage offered to the different guests, wrote them down, analyzed them, but just could not find what he was searching for: the secret, the formula that the sage was using.

This same scenario went on for days. The Professor would sit with the sage every day, pour all kinds of questions on him and the sage would remain silent.

The sage would receive the next guest and the next and the next, and the professor would listen and record.

Every night the professor wrote down different questions, hoping to finally find the question which would force the sage to open his mouth and speak to him, revealing his secret formula.

Weeks went by, then months. Nothing changed. The situation remained the same. The professor was about to give up on his project. He had filled many books with his recordings of words, but they made no sense to him. Most of them were even contradictory. The sage would say one thing to a guest, and the smile would appear on their faces, and then he'd say the opposite thing to another guest, and they’d leave happy. It just didn’t make any sense to the professor.

The professor gave up. He decided to leave the sage and search for another subject for his studies, one that could give him more satisfaction and success.

He went to sit with the sage for the last time. Since he had no more questions, both sage and professor sat in silence together, smiling at each other.

Then the sage spoke. He said: “This is the first time in all of these months that there is room for me to speak to you. May I ask you- what happened to you that you are so quiet on this day?”

The professor answered: “I cannot study you! You don’t seem to have a formula, or a secret. I don’t know what to do with you. I see that your words give happiness to all of your guests, but I cannot understand what it is that you do! I just can't find the solution to your riddle, and there seems to be no formula to what makes you and your guests happy!”

The sage replied, “Dear son, your words ring like a beautiful song in my ears. It is a precious gift to hear you say: “I don’t know”. Every day you came and all I could hear was, “I know, I know, I know”. The truth is, you don’t know. No one knows. Life is a mystery. Give up studying life and start to live it. Know not, and wisdom will fill you to the fullest. Get rid of the knowledge and enjoy wisdom. As long as all of this knowledge is in you and takes up all the space, there is no room for wisdom. Today is your lucky day!”

The professor couldn’t believe his ears. The sage was speaking to him after months of silence! His head began to spin, faster and faster. He felt the sage’s words entering into his mind and heart. He couldn't help it, he couldn't resist them. His mouth quivered and the corners of his lips lifted without him doing anything! He smiled! He rose and sang a song. Wisdom filled his Being. He forgot his books, his load of baggage and said good bye to the sage with a big smile on his face. A smile that was shared with all along his path, full of light. He is still smiling to this day.

And yes, he forgot to study and never went back to knowledge! The secret of happiness found him!”

There is a monumental difference between knowing and being wise. Knowledge comes from schools, from smart books, from universities, from doctors, professors, scientists and it always comes from some outside source. Knowledge makes us feel safe and superior for a while, for the time that we can “keep” it, remember it, teach it and make a profit out of it. We are living in the information age where knowledge is being sold everywhere; you can get access to any kind of knowledge in a heartbeat. This is positive of course... and what else?

Learning and studying are fun; having a lot of knowledge makes us rich and well respected as a person, a personality in this man-made society. It gives us security, a lifestyle and is useful for living. I am not saying it is useless.

Already I am saying that too much of it, too many smart books, make you only more stupid.

Why?

Simply because all of this information, all of this knowledge keeps you far away from wisdom. Your innate wisdom. Maybe you are even studying and assimilating all of this knowledge because you are craving wisdom. Like I keep hearing and seeing all around me, especially in women, you are searching for the missing something, really desperately searching, or at least sensing that there has to be more! The drive to “know”, to read even more smart books, or go for even more certifications, and enroll in even more seminars is very strong. Most of us don’t continue to learn because we just like the game, but because we think that we need all that to finally “get” somewhere, or “be” someone, and bridge the emptiness which might keep us from sleeping at night.

The paramount difference between knowledge and wisdom is that knowledge is on the “outside” of you, whereas wisdom is in the “inside”. Remember? Everything is already there!

Many women I meet, almost all, have heard of the “new age” concept: “I am the creator of my life.” I have asked most of them if they believe this to be a true statement. Are you the creator of your destiny? Most say, yes, it’s true! Then I look at them very surprised and ask, “So why is it that you are not living the life of your dreams? Why is your life not as you wish? Why are you still complaining? Why are you wanting more or something different?”

It’s quite simple to find the answer to this riddle.

If you are really honest to yourself right now... are you the creator of your destiny? Are you living in the life of your dreams? If so, congratulations, you have already claimed your power back.

If not, then stay with me. No need for desperation. You have probably tried everything available to you to create a beautiful life. Then something unexpected happened, or you just could not reach your goal and now feel like a failure. Maybe then you started to believe again that you don’t have what it takes. Maybe then you go to search for more knowledge while what you actually crave is wisdom.

Yes, you are the creator of your life. No, you aren’t the creator of your life. You are not, but She, the big She inside of you, is. Once you connect to Her, and allow Her to live you, then you are granted immediate access to wisdom. Then the search ends and you find everything inside of you. All the answers. Then you really start to enjoy the game of life.

Wisdom is inside. Women’s Wisdom is inside. The pearl of wisdom lives within already. The Holy Grail lives inside! Call off the search. All of these words just remain nice words if you don’t get a direct experience of this pearl of wisdom. Just nice ideas, and that’s why smart books make you stupid. Smart books tell you that you can find the pearl of wisdom in them. Just keep studying and one day you’ll be fine.

As Women, the easiest way we can get access to Women’s Wisdom is by uniting in women’s circles. Women’s Wisdom is the key to a life as a Goddess on Earth. I can sense that some of you don’t want to be a Goddess, or to be called Goddess. This is okay. Call yourself as you wish! It’s just a mean of expression. By using the word Goddess, I intend living as a fully powerful She. A life of happiness, health, joy, fulfillment, love, creativity, union and above all, a life in freedom.

Living as a Goddess on earth – yes, on earth. It doesn’t mean to live retreated in a cave or monastery, or as a hermit, or dancing priestess in a temple. It means to bring the heaven of the Goddess, the She, the most beautiful and wholesome female energies and talents, back to this earth, this material state of being. It means living in this world and being connected to the truth of who we are at the same time. It means to work, to have a family if you wish, and to contribute to make this earth a little more beautiful.

Simona Oberhammer, Naturopath and Teacher for Women in Italy and Europe, calls the Goddess on Earth the She who has both roots and wings. In her book “Olofem – The Unknown Feminine,” she points out beautifully how the lack of female energies in women’s bodies and lives has created a long list of emotional and physical symptoms of disturbances.

Women’s Wisdom is not usually found in the widespread women’s beauty and fashion magazines. These magazines are mostly a distraction to keep you imprisoned into the roles a woman should play in this world. It might be fun to read them, and it might be a great tool to be connected and to share just as long as you don’t take the roles, images and ideals promoted in them too seriously.

Women’s Wisdom is inside of us. We can access this precious, precious diamond by reuniting in sacred rituals, ceremonies, and celebrations as Women of Truth. This is how women have done it for centuries before it was forgotten. Now we are remembering. How lucky we are!

Wise Women are truthful women.

The earth needs truthful women.

Truthful women “create”

(Remember? She is the creator of your destiny!)

Truthful men

Truthful love

Truthful families

Truthful kids

Truthful villages

Truthful cities

Truthful countries

A truthful planet

Yes, I am quite sure you have heard this before; maybe you've heard it said in a different context. Could it really be true that bringing female energies back into our bodies and thus into our world is the key to a healthy world?

Wisdom cannot be found through knowledge. Knowledge is the information we need to fit in, to live and survive in this society. Yes, we do need some knowledge but not as much as we have been fed with in the schools and universities. We always need just the right knowledge which serves us in the right moment, and She guides us to get to it, when and if we need it. There is no struggle in this.

At the same time, Wisdom can also be triggered from the outside. How? Sometimes you may hear a song, or read a poem, or hear a wise person speak, and the words resonate inside of you. You just feel that they are true. You can’t analyze them, or explain why, but you feel their truth and they transform you.

Many of these “smart books” overloaded my already crowded brain full of information, disconnected from my truth. In some of them I felt the truth resonating. In the sacred scripture of course there is the original truth energy left, and it resonates still from time to time, but I could not use it in my life.

She does not live in a book. She lives inside of you!

This book (and it’s not a “smart one”!) can only trigger you to come into Her. This book can convince you to open to Her. To persuade the little you with all its fears, doubts and anxieties, with all its control issues and negativity, to get out of the way.

Here is another concept that we hear of everywhere nowadays...

“Everything is Energy”

Even science agrees on this now. Our bodies are made of lots of molecules with even more space between them. We are energy, everything is energy. It may be that the vibration of smart books is low; there is someone superior, an expert, trying to convince us of their opinions, to make us follow. Look and feel for the vibration, the energy, that makes you feel good, that elevates you naturally, leaving you smiling, laughing and loving. Think for yourself. Trust yourself!

Please understand that I am not suggesting to not read books. Just don’t allow books to condition, separate, and disconnect you even more. I still enjoy reading a lot of books and there are so many books being written straight from the heart. As I said before, some knowledge is crucial to survival. Practical knowledge is useful: like how to whiten my teeth and how to make my bank account grow!

In the end the only book you can trust is your own book – and it’s inside of you. It’s beyond the clutter and the fog of what has been put into you, and what you yourself “voluntarily” have put into you. It’s a book with empty pages, waiting to be filled by a golden pen, writing the glorious song of your life!

Start your Wise Woman’s Journal

Take a very nice empty journal, one that really resonates with you. Maybe it's the picture on the front that inspires you, or maybe you like the texture, or the colour of it. Yes, you are allowed to go shopping now and find your own book- the one sacred book which will be written by you, with your very own pen. Choose wisely, until you find a journal that is special to you, one that you really like to touch and look at, one that makes you smile when you look at it. As soon as you find one, sit down with it in a place where you won’t be disturbed, inside or outside in nature. Take your favourite pen with you as well.

Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Gently bring your attention to your breath. Follow your breath as it flows in and then out. Just observe your breath. Don’t change it. Just be with it, exactly as it is right now, flowing in and out. As it flows in and out, allow your body to relax. To soften.

Sit in silence for a couple of minutes. Just be with yourself and your breath. Nothing to do, no one to be, just relax, sit and breathe. Allow every thought that enters to come and to go, like clouds in the sky which come and go, traveling with the wind.

As you enjoy the presence of your own company, the rhythm of your own breath, maybe you hear sounds around you just allow these sounds to relax you even more. This is your time now. A moment just for you.

Now, imagine your new journal, here in front of you. You already know that this journal is your own sacred Women’s Wisdom book. It has many empty pages. Your pages. that are waiting to receive your words. Words of truth. Whatever words.

Imagine the form of the journal... its colours, its freshness, its connection to you. Allow yourself to be with the pages and then ask yourself, what does my heart desire to write into this fresh empty space? If my own heart could speak, what would it say to me? What is it that it so wants to let me know?

Continue to ask yourself... there is no answer needed at this time. Just allow the question to come and go out of your mind in this relaxed space. In your space.

What would my heart desire to write into this fresh empty space? If my own heart could speak, what would it say to me? What is it that it so wants to let me know?

Now, take a fresh deep breath in, and ever so softly, allow your eyes to open. Take your time and then gently reach for the pen. Open your journal, your sacred Women’s Wisdom book, and allow your favourite pen to write. Just let it flow. It doesn't need to be interesting, or perfect, or make any sense at all. Just allow your hand to flow over the pages.

As soon as the flow stops, take another nice deep breath in, and put the journal in front of you. Thank yourself for having taken the time to start your journey towards Her and without any judgment, any thinking at all, just with gratitude filling up your heart, slowly get up, put your journal into a very special place, a place where you can easily see it and have access to. Now you can move on to what you would like to do next. Enjoy!

Song - I am what I am, Gloria Gaynor

Now that you are already free and thinking for yourself, I am very sure that you are warming up to Her! So let’s move on and walk the seven steps together… She is so happy you are back!

Part B

The Divine Work

Chapter 7

The Seven Natural Steps to live as a Divine Woman on Earth

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are."

~ Marianne Williamson

“There is a magic that happens when women come together and are open; it’s like we effortlessly remember a temporarily forgotten language deep within our bones,” says Ninya.

Both Ninya and I strongly believe that all transformation, whether it’s more wealth, better health or happier relationships, begins within. But, sometimes we are not even aware of the issues and sabotaging beliefs that hold us back.

These issues prevent us from receiving all the blessings we deserve and are rightly ours. If these unconscious beliefs and energies are not addressed, we block abundance, health, expression and creativity. We might continue the search on the outside, by reading books and following spiritual masters, yet it’s the divine woman within that is calling us home! This is where the answer lies.

The journey back to Her is different for each woman.

When Bettina arrived at the retreat, she was actually wondering why she had signed up in the first place. This is something that happens again and again. As women, taking out time of our busy schedule, just for ourselves, not for anyone else, not for any certification, or service we’ll achieve to take care of others, but just for us, seems to be the hardest thing. At the same time it’s the most important thing. It doesn’t matter if you come to a retreat or if you do the sacred work in the safety and comfort of your home – do it.

As you start to shine in Her light everyone around you will shine back as a reflection. Actually, working hard to improve the lives of others, putting all our attention outside of ourselves, on the “other” – which as women we are immensely well trained in – oftentimes is a waste of energy. The only woman you can change is yourself. Changing yourself automatically changes your world.

The following seven steps to your female power, beauty, fulfillment and love are to be walked by you – not by others. Then you will really make a difference on this planet.

Bettina’s story …

“Prior to the retreat, I thought I was a privileged, free and fully emancipated woman – a leader in my chosen profession. I felt no need to work on ‘women’s stuff’, and had no conscious recollection of issues my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother had faced and unwittingly passed on to me.

It was a shock to discover that, deeply hidden away, I had a whole web of belief systems around relationships with other women, inferiority complexes and hidden ‘certainties’ about what life as a woman must be like. I was, unconsciously, repeating ancient unhealthy patterns from my woman ancestors. I was putting myself second, playing small and wasn’t free at all.

Once I’d opened up to this, I realized I actually needed to be in a supportive environment with other women to access and remove these unhealthy patterns. So much was revealed to me in this first retreat; I let go of envy, rage and other hidden emotions, mainly around not being a mother. I came to a place of peace and completion, deeply rooted in my full power.

After the retreat, my whole being changed. This Wise Women’s work has enriched my life enormously, as has learning to listen to my body and be in an atmosphere of acceptance with other women.”

Fiorenza’s story

“How much my life has changed! I find myself in a current of changes and am enjoying every single one of them! Now I've stopped fighting against the flow of changes and just ride the tide… wow, I noticed I am able to surf! Words from Donna Divina come to mind, words that sounded impossible just a few months ago and now? Now I am chairwoman of my own club, I do what I like, I feel content and self-realized, and most important: I realized I’m able to do all these things on my own. I don’t need the man I thought everything depended on, no, not at all, not even a tiny little bit am I in need of him. Actually, since he left everything has become easy- my gratitude is so huge and all-embracing that I can’t find enough ways to express it!”

My own story

“It wasn’t until I’d read the Wise Woman’s Retreats flier for the fifth time that I realized I hadn’t felt fulfilled and joyful in as long as I could remember. I booked a place for myself and my daughter, Ninya. Ladies, were we in for a ride!

I discovered I’d had been living on male energy. Though I was a strong woman, I had been in leadership roles my whole life, I discovered that I didn’t really understand or know what being a woman actually meant. I was quick to judge other women as ‘weak’, even though inside I was burning out from a total lack of soft, feminine energy. At the retreat, I discovered my inner truth for the first time, and learned how to speak that truth, then live it.

My whole life has now changed for the better. Joy has returned to my body and soul, and I feel free to be a woman in a woman’s body. What’s more, I found my life’s calling and the courage to move to the next level. To this day I still experience the fulfillment of that retreat, and – the biggest gift of all – my daughter and I transcended the conditioned ‘mother/daughter’ roles and now live in harmony and freedom. We’ve even started to work together!”

Feedback from Beatrice, Laura, Maria and Monica

“The Donna Divina Process is powerful, incredible, a discovery and a confirmation after a long, long waiting time … I found myself again thanks to the presence of the other women; I dissolved ancient blocks and mental and physical taboos.” Beatrice

“The people I meet can really see a new light inside me and keep telling me how beautifully it radiates - I have new charisma!” Maria

“I healed basic wounds, birth traumas were finally lifted and I feel like ME at last. Life without concepts and theories. I am living life in the flesh, in my flesh of the divine woman’s dimension, of being a woman. I faced sadness and fear, ancient fears, invited them to the surface, allowed them to be there, dealt with them and I won.” Monica

“This retreat is very beautiful and deep! Every woman should have access to this experience once in her life! I discovered that I am capable of going deep, really deep inside of me where I find strength and joy which I can easily express.” Laura

Whether you feel called to join us at a live retreat or you prefer to start your individual journey at home, the seven natural steps to your female power work for every woman. It’s up to you to walk them. They are natural and simple, and yes, that doesn’t make them easy. They require a longing inside, an intention to reach to Her and they need some of your time and an openness to dive into your inner world. All I can do in this book is inspire you. The steps are yours to be taken.

Are you willing to live a free life, full of deep love, happiness, fulfillment, health, abundance and joy?

Of course, you might reply. Well, then let’s get started. We already have gone through a lot of preparation. I pray that it is your lucky destiny to actually “walk the talk” – walk the steps - and reconnect to Her!

How disconnected we usually live

Miriam and I were very close friends, born in the same year and our daughters were born in the same year. Our daughters were best friends. We lived close to each other, as neighbours. We met every day for a brief chat, while we accompanied our daughters and later also our sons to school. Sometimes we would even stop and have breakfast together, and some other times we would go out in the evening, to dance and celebrate. From the outside we looked to be deeply connected.

In reality - none of us ever shared the full truth about our lives with each other. We would talk a lot in our daily meetings, and mostly it was about our relationships. Sometimes we even shared deep conversations. None of us ever spoke about how we really felt. There was a thin glass lid on our true feelings. I did not know that Miriam was deeply unhappy with her husband, who had a drinking problem and treated her badly. She did not know that I struggled with the abortion and even went through a suicidal phase. Each of us was alone in her pain and isolation. None of us had the chance to truly support the other. We both settled for a traditional disconnected friendship.

Years after, when we both had gone through separation from our partners and life had forced us to open and really share, we felt sad about the past, because we were actually so willing to support each other, if only we had known the truth.

This is rather normal in our modern society. Women mostly come together on the surface, take time to release a bit of the inner pressure by complaining, talking about others – usually in a more negative way. Many times they fake happiness and serenity, even in the presence of other women, while underneath something else is bubbling up. They say their lives are going well and they are fine, when they aren’t. Let’s stop this here and become real. Speak the truth, stop the cover up. It’s about time.

General outline of the Seven Natural Steps

The Donna Divina Initiation Retreat (the live retreat) in itself is a secret and silent teaching, received by women and held by women, for women. Most of the transformational magic happens non verbally, even though we are interacting verbally at times.

It’s a secret retreat because we have decided to keep its energy strong. As soon as we talk about it outside of a safe context, what happens is that energy starts to leak. This might weaken the process because our minds are trained to imagine things and that may spoil the whole experience.

This is as much as I can reveal: the Donna Divina Initiation Process step by step as described in the following chapters and it’s enough for you to make the transition into your full glory - it’s all in the open and in this book, a kind of “do it yourself guide” for women at home!

Step 1 – Truth – my truth – The Truth

Rediscover what your truth is, how to speak your truth, how to feel the truth and then the miracle: the truth sets you free! Experience freedom from the invisible inner cage.

Step 2 - “Women are emotional”

Reclaim the power and energy lost from useless and consuming emotions. Live your life again instead of being lived by repressed emotions from the past, just like a robot. Learn to distinguish between feelings and emotions. Set yourself free by trusting your feelings and processing your emotions. Learn to apply a simple and ancient tool to reclaim your own precious life energy – and flow freely and effortlessly with life. Experience how to implode emotions and find instant freedom. Become familiar with “E-Purification” and use this tool in your daily life.

Step 3 - Jump into Her

Explode roles and conditionings, come out of the rigid “how you thought you had to be” and jump right into your true female essence. Honour this sacred female body and come back to actually live inside the body. Learn how to use it as a sacred instrument. No more refusing, ignoring or judging it. Learn how health and wellbeing are restored in the body. Prepare the temple for Her... SHE, your female essence is knocking at your body's door – and you are letting Her in!

Step 4 - Hell, the doorway to paradise

Make friends with your shadow – love her so much that She will release you. Dance through your worst fear, your worst judgment, your worst secret, your worst “No Go Zone”, the worst place inside yourself that you’ve fought to keep hidden until your last breath – or you have not even been aware of its existence. Simply surrender through it all and arrive right into paradise, living as Her.

Step 5 - The Magic Mirror

Look into the Magic Mirror. See yourself as Her and anchor the truth of who you really are – until it is an unforgettable, rooted reality. Reclaim your throne as the Queen you have always been.

Step 6 – Celebration as a way of life

Celebrate, savour, enjoy, and live a graceful life, every day, right here, right now. Bring your shining beauty to the world around you, as a gift for whoever has the privilege to meet you.

Step 7 - The connection secret

Connect, remain connected and reconnect.

How

Never to

Lose

Yourself

Again.

Practice living the amazing woman you are until it becomes natural. Commit to continue and nurture the real you – Her, right here, right now.

These are the steps we will now walk together. Our journey starts here. I hope you are as excited and curious as I am right now. If there is a voice in your head telling you that you can’t do this, it’s too much, too difficult, too strong, or that you don’t understand what this is all about, or that you’ll never make it, just relax. It’s natural that resistance comes up at this point. Many women before you have walked these steps and felt just like you. Every adventurous journey may seem frightening in the beginning. It becomes easy if you focus on one little step at a time. There is no rush. The timing is completely up to you. How far and how deep you want to go is all your choice. There is magic between these pages, even just reading them will already change your life. Read on! Enjoy! Take your time! So now - let’s allow Her to come in and make this world a more beautiful place!

Preparation Ritual

We are already clear that everything is energy. The energy around you is important, so let’s do some preparation for Her to come and fill you up again. She desires a sacred, natural female space. Create one in your home. A space just for you with Her. Yes, it is easier for the transformation to happen in a wise women’s circle where there is more support and presence, and you can do it also at home. The action of preparing your own female space will already change your environment, inside and out. It’s completely sufficient to walk the steps alone.

If you prefer to be in company, what you could do is to find other women interested in this work. You could read the book together and do the exercises in your small circle. Find women you feel relaxed and nurtured with. It’s okay to start with just one friend or sister. Your circle might grow faster than you think it possible right now, because Her presence is a natural magnet and attracts other women. You might be able to create your own circle of wise women. Follow your heart. It’s all inside of you already.

Then, find the place in your house which invites you to make it yours. Maybe you have a lot of space and are able to dedicate a whole room to Her, this is not absolutely necessary. Just find a corner, a space in your house where you can be undisturbed, alone, by yourself. It is a big step to actually create “our” space. Some women in families or even in communities tend to not have any space of their own. If that is your case, and there is space for everyone else, but not for you, the time has come now to change this situation. Find your space in your house, as small and little as it is. It can be a corner in your bedroom, a little space in your living room. Trust your inner guidance and find that place where you feel naturally attracted.

Clear out that space of all the clutter which might be there, Create empty space. The energy needs to be able to flow. If you have too many old books, too many clothes you never wear and a lot of other “stuff”, start to clear it. This will already help you to become lighter and more connected. Sometimes we collect things. We create the illusion that we need them. Letting go of things you don’t fully love that are from the past will allow your life to move again. Look at every item in your chosen space and ask yourself: do I really still love this thing, clothing, picture, object, with all of my heart? If not, give it away. Take it out of your space. Someone else might be wishing for something just like this. You can create a box of things to give away and find someone to take it away in the next week. Don’t just relocate it... give, sell or throw it away.

Now sit down in this location you have wisely chosen. Close your eyes softly, relax your body, feel the floor under your feet, legs, bum, relax your jaw and open the lips just a tiny little bit, so the energy can flow and you are able to just receive. You can deeply relax now. Invite all sensations in, feel them, allow them, just be with them, whatever comes... maybe it's nothing, maybe it's a lot. Just surrender into the energy of yourself in this spot on this earth where you are sitting right now. What is truly here? What do you perceive? What happens inside... is everything still? Is there a movement? How does your inner ocean move on this particular spot on earth? Take a couple of minutes to just sit and sense, perceive, feel, rest.

Slowly and gently allow the question to arise inside: “How does this place really wish to look like? How would She make it look? How would I really want this place to be like, so I can enjoy and relax here? What do I love? Which colours, what kinds of textures, which objects?” Just allow the images, ideas, energies to flow through you and ask yourself, “How does ‘woman’ look like to me? How would I love to honour the divine woman who lives inside of me?”

Now gently taking a nice deep breath in and in your own timing, open your eyes and see the place with your outer, imaginative eyes, as if it was already transformed. What do you see? Enjoy what you see! See the transformation already taking place. Allow your eyes to caress the space you are sitting in, and yourself, with very soft and gentle eyes. Taking a moment for gratitude, thank yourself for creating Her space in your home. It might look like an easy and simple task to you, know it’s a huge step for the whole of the planet. One more physical home for Her! Bathe in gratitude to yourself for a moment!

Then, softly and consciously, you might like to find your Wise Women’s Journal and write down all of the creativity that just poured through you!

Take your time with this process. Maybe you’d like to place a colourful painting in this (Ninya has some amazing paintings for Donna Divinas to invite Her energy in, you can get a copy of on our website), or some foulard, some sacred art, pictures, plants or flowers, jewels or whatever you truly love. Take some time each day to make this place beautiful. Even if it is just a small table or box in your favorite colour, as long as it holds the intention of honouring the divine woman you are, that is already enough.

I am sure you will enjoy this process. Once the space is right for you, you can rest here in silence with yourself whenever you choose to. You can change this space anytime you feel inspired, too. It’s like you are creating a small temple for the Goddess you are!

Music for your female space - Gayatri Mantra, Tina Malia

Turn the page and let’s get started with Step 1 – The Truth!

Chapter 8

Step 1 - The Truth

“Speak the truth, even if it hurts. Speak it to yourself, speak it out loud. Then speak it to others. Then to the world. Then live it. Then you’ll fly!

The pain will last just for a short while. Living a lie could keep you imprisoned for a long, long time.”

Carlo came home late again that night. Angelina had not expected anything else, really. Inside of her, rage and resentment was consuming her. “He doesn't love me anymore. I know it, I sense it, I feel it! What have I done to deserve this?”

The dinner was cold on the table. Angelina had left it there after she had eaten with the kids, who were already sleeping upstairs. Now she was sitting on the couch, with an untouched book she so wanted to read but couldn't concentrate on. The mix of emotions and feelings inside her made it impossible to take in anything else. Even her tiredness was gone, after her long hours in the office and working at home. Now she faked to be deeply immersed in her book.

Carlo closed the front door and walked towards her. He softly asked, “Hello, how are you, my sweet one?”

Angelina could not take it any longer. Although she had promised to herself that she would not show any sign of disapproval, that she would be nice and friendly, the force of her repressed emotions flooded her being.

She jumped from the couch.

“Don’t call me 'sweet one'! Don’t even dare to call me that again!”

Her words cut into the evening silence like a sword. Her face was twisted with rage, resentment and pain. She was ready to fight.

Fight... against what? She didn't know. All she felt was that she just needed to let out some of the pressure that was consuming her inside.

Carlo took a step backwards. He was clearly uncomfortable. Yes, he had expected her to be a little unhappy because he was late again. On the other hand, there was just so much work to do. Time flew in his office. The new business was growing really well now. Why couldn't she understand that he was working long hours for them? To make their lives more comfortable.

The evening took a turn that none of them had expected.

Carlo felt he was too tired to fight, justify and defend his position like he would have done usually when he felt attacked for doing what he felt he had to do.

Instead he just sat down on the easy chair in front of Angelina. He remained silent.

Angelina took some deep breaths. Why the heck was he not answering? How could he just sit there? The level of rage inside her was rising to an unexpected high. She was ready to throw things at this man sitting in silence in front of her... a man she once loved so deeply.

Carlo sighed. He could sense her tension.

He asked this simple question: “Angelina, what is the truth here?”

Angelina gasped. The truth of what?

Somehow the words entered her mind. What is the truth? Yes, what was the truth? What was really going on in their lives?

Carlo remained still and observed her. Then he continued: “If it's okay with you, I’d like to share what my truth is.”

He waited. Angelina had visibly calmed down and clearly something had shifted inside. It took her some time though until she was ready to say something.

“Ok”, she nodded.

Carlo cleared his throat. He then spoke about himself. About how tired he was working these long hours. About how much he cared about her. About how he was sorry to be late again and that he really wished for an easier life for the whole family, and this is what made him work so much. He told her that sometimes he felt that his life was just too hard, there was just work. What had happened to their love? There was not enough time to take care of it all. He told her how much it hurts him to see her so full of rage, always ready to fight him. That he really does the best he can do. When he comes home, he longs for some peace, some love to share, so that his working life could have some meaning.

Angelina could not believe her ears. Carlo had never spoken to her like this before. Tears welled in her eyes. All of the rage was gone.

When Carlo had finished, Angelina spoke:

“Carlo, I am wondering what happened to our love. I really think that you don’t love me anymore. I feel the same way...our lives are hard, there is so much work. After my half days at the office, I rush home, prepare lunch for the kids, spend time with them and then prepare dinner. Sometimes it just feels too much. You are coming home later every night. I feel, just like you do, that it makes no sense to go on like this. It makes me angry and sad that we don’t have time for ourselves.”

She paused. There was a truth she did not have to courage to speak about. She felt it pressing at her throat. She had kept it a secret, afraid of hurting Carlo. Afraid to even admit it to herself.

This unexpected turn of events (instead of the usual bickering and then going to bed frustrated, as it had been for the past weeks) somehow lifted a lid and set something free. She felt like it was now or never! She called upon all of her courage and said the words...

“Carlo, there is something I haven’t told you. There is a new man in my life. Nothing serious, please stay calm. He is a very beautiful man, inside and out. I meet him every morning at work, during breaks. He gives me so much attention, and makes amazing compliments. I'm afraid that I am falling in love with him.”

Silence settled in the house. The vulnerable truth stood between them. Angelina felt shaky.

Carlo sighed heavily.

Angelina already regretted to have spoken the full truth. Half-truth would have been enough. Now everything was on the line; it all depended on Carlos’ reaction. She had certainly gone too far. Why? Why did she do that? Nobody ever spoke the full truth, why her?

She went on: “Carlo, I wish I didn’t just say what I said! I am sorry, I don’t mean to hurt you. This is the truth. This is what really makes me so angry when you come home later and later, because out there, there actually are men who make me feel like a woman, who want to take time for me. And then here at home, there is emptiness. I don't really feel like you love me or appreciate the woman I am.”

Now, would you like to hear a happy ending? Come on, be truthful!

Don't you wish you had a man like Carlo around, understanding, calm, asking the right questions in the right moment? Doing everything he can to make his woman and family happy?

Well, Carlo is an invented character, I am sorry. The good news is, men like this do exist! Don’t become discouraged… it all depends on you. Yes, on your inner world. On who you are inside. As inside, so outside.

Angelina is brave, isn’t she? She speaks the truth, even though it is hard, because only the truth will set us free. The full truth, not the half-truth.

Angelina was ready to fight against Carlo, thus damaging their relationship even more. She was putting all the blame on Carlo’s behaviour because he was the one coming late at night so often. Actually, she was a big part of the problem. She had not spoken the truth when it was the time for it. None of them had. Neither of them spoke about their lives taking a turn into the wrong direction, into a direction of disconnection and lack of love. It was felt inside and there it remained. It had taken the appearance of another man to signal and remind Angelina of her own unmet needs. If Carlo would have been truthful at the right moment, he probably would have changed his working habits before allowing this burden on his life to become so big, making him feel tired and overwhelmed.

If only truth could be spoken in families, this world would take a whole new turn!

Unfortunately from when we are very little, we are conditioned to live with half-truths or even with lies. Maybe this sounds familiar to you...

Your mother is speaking badly about a friend of hers to another friend and you happen to be in the room. You are little. You listen and can’t understand why your mother speaks badly about someone she hugs regularly and calls her friend. You go to your mother and ask her. She blushes, feels ashamed and out of this emotion says in a stern voice, “This is none of your business. Go to your room!”

Now, you have learned that it’s not okay to ask questions and that adults speak half-truths and lies. Year after year, you observe this behaviour until you take it as normal. Growing up, the same behaviour happens to you too, almost like a habit, and here we go. What is the truth now? Do we like this friend or don’t we?

The truth is inside. You are the only one who knows if the words “I love you” spoken to another person in reality are true or half true, or a lie. Only you pay the price.

Why? Because as we have explored in a former chapter “Smart books only make you more stupid.”You are the creator of your life. Well, not you, but She. She cannot do much if you keep her locked inside and allow your conditioned “you” to continue to create suffering through half-truths and lies in your life. She just loves the truth, even the uncomfortable one.

Angelina and Carlo, now for the first time in months, have a real chance to come close to each other again. Until they did not say the truth first to themselves and then to each other, they were separated by tiny, invisible walls, like lids covering up the flow of life. Underneath the cover up's destruction worked silently. Destruction actually serves a higher purpose and that is to bring you back to the beautiful flow of a truthful, free life. If you have been in a relationship, you probably sense or know what I am addressing here. Love only flowers in freedom. Repressed truth festers deep inside. If Angelina, being responsible for her life and her inner world, had let Carlo know immediately that she had feelings for another man and thus giving both of them the freedom, respect and love to explore the truth together, she wouldn't have had to carry all the weight of the situation by herself. She wouldn't have had to live day after day with her unhappiness growing and festering inside, becoming even more hurtful to herself. As a blessing for both, the moment of truth arrives. The air in the relationship cleans and clears and love is possible again. True, free, open love. The truth sets Angelina and Carlo free.

When I was a child, the conditioning I received from my parents was to be afraid to make mistakes. If I made a mistake, I would receive a punishment. At school this was reconfirmed. If I made a mistake, I’d get a bad vote or a note from the teacher.

I wanted to please everyone as a little girl, so making mistakes was something to be avoided at all costs. I started to cover up my mistakes. How? By first speaking half-truths and then by “professionally” lying, telling all kinds of invented stories, woven together to gently or strongly distort, adjust, mend the reality of what had actually happened.

As an example, once I had played with my friends and we came into the possession of some really neat coulored pens and we wrote our first words (we were about 7 or 8 then) on the ground, on the cement walls, and then we drew pictures and had all kinds of fun. We went to the white walls of the high rise apartment building I lived in and with a lot of care and effort I wrote my full name in a beautiful orange colour on the wall. We laughed about the beauty of the writing and then went on to play another game. I forgot all about the incident. A couple of days later a neighbour came to our door and spoke in a very serious tone with my parents. They then called me and asked me if I had written my name on the wall. I immediately said: “No, I’d never do something like this!” feeling the terror running through my little body. Did I make a mistake? These adults looked very stern and dangerous. They asked me again. I replied again, no, I would never do something like this. They then walked me to the wall. As I stood in front of the writing and heard my mother saying, “Yes, this is Ariane’s handwriting”, I said to them: “No, it’s not, I have not been here, I don’t play here! We always play somewhere else.” With much fervor and intensity I started telling a longer, invented story of what we play and where we go, and who is with us, using all of my energy to change their focus and make them believe my story, my “truth” in a “perfect child” world.

It didn’t work this time, as it had many times before. My mother insisted that the writing on the wall was my handwriting without any doubt and I got severely punished, first for writing my name on the wall and second for lying. I still remember the pain of the punishment and the many lonely hours in my room when I wasn’t allowed to go out to play for several seemingly endless days. I had worsened my condition by lying. The truth is that I lied so much that I lost contact with which version was the real one. What had actually happened? I couldn’t tell the difference between story and reality. As a kid I lost many friends as a consequence of my different versions of reality. This is how, early in my life, I discovered the price to pay for speaking half-truth or lies. For faking it. For confusing reality. For not standing in the truth.

The price we pay is losing contact with ourselves, with our power, with Her.

Reclaiming our power means moving back into the truth. The Truth of what happened, the truth of what we feel, without any cover ups, with courage and integrity. Facing, being, living in the truth means taking responsibility for our lives. Being responsible – responding and understanding our behaviour, our actions, our experiences. Finding the answers to life. Dancing with life, as ourselves.

As long as we blame someone else for what is happening to us, we are victims. I guess you know what I am addressing here. Angelina felt she was a victim to the lack of love and presence from Carlo. Actually, she wasn’t. She was well on her way to creating love in her life but blamed Carlo for her rage. Maybe she felt the rage because she was lying to herself... who knows?

What I am certain about, as my own direct experience has taught me... the truth will set you free. Taking responsibility for your life will set you free.

As women in this society, we are collectively well-trained in faking it. It has been a survival mechanism. (As a side note: think of the worldwide phenomenon of women faking orgasms. It has almost become an art form!)

Standing in truth, the most essential thing on earth, might not come so easily. Especially because most of us have denied our own truth to ourselves for such a long time and opening up to it all at once, might seem too much.

Take one step at a time, each day.

The truth will not only set you free, it will also bring you back into alignment with existence. There is no better place on earth in my experience. In alignment life moves in the flow, effortless. Heaven and earth support you and you are a channel between them. It’s definitely worth it!

Here is our Donna Divina Recipe for finding your way back to the truth:

Ministep 1 - Find the truth inside

Ministep 2 - Write it down

Ministep 3 - Speak it, even if it’s risky and hurts

Ministep 4 - Live in the truth

Taking one step after the other, you will naturally start to live in truth, love the truth, become a lover of truth and then enjoy a truthful life, standing in your power and living as a true Donna Divina!

There might be fear of the full truth. It’s natural. Angelina was in fear. She was terrified of the possibility of losing Carlo as a consequence of expressing her truth. Would it not be better to lose Carlo and move on to the love of her life and be happy every day than not to speak the truth and be unhappy every day? Maybe both of their hearts opened thanks to the truth rising between them and they fell in love again and the other man friend of Angelina just remained a friend. Who knows? The truth brings movement, freedom and life. Whatever will come out of Angelina’s and Carlo’s story, thanks to the truth, can only be better than living in a blocked situation full of half-truths.

There might be resistance to open to the truth. It’s natural. For most of us staying in the shadow zone, or in our comfort zone, it's much safer here than risking standing out there in the sun of life. Many times our comfort zone is a sort of half-life of compromises. For some reason, we prefer them instead of a full-life of truth. Simply because for many of us it is better, safer, more familiar and more comfortable to live in the warm cosy s**t of our grey everyday situations than in the open, unknown, free, colourful soaring freedom of truth.

It’s about time to take the first step, into the truth. It’s a big one! It’s one of the most important steps of the Donna Divina Process.

It’s all about you and it’s all up to you. It’s about your innermost truth, your story in this woman’s body. How did your life go? How did you perceive it, feel it, live it? Your truth, not anyone else’s. Not how “they” wanted you to be. How have you lived, perceived your life as a woman, how are you living and perceiving your life in this female body of yours right now? What is the full truth? Let’s forget about half-truths right now!

Ritual – Find your truth in this woman’s body

Now is your time. Find a space in your home or in nature where you won’t be disturbed. This process needs between one or two hours. This is the first step... are you willing to dedicate a full hour of your time just to yourself? I promise it’s worth the effort!

Take your Wise Woman’s Journal and your favourite pen or pens with you.

Settle in a comfortable position. You will be writing, so listen to your body and find the position which is most comfortable for you. Maybe you wish to sit on a chair close to a table, or you prefer to lie on your belly … whatever is best for you.

I highly encourage you to actually write. Sometimes even the thought of writing something on a piece of paper brings up old blocks inside of us and we prefer not to feel them, and as result, we don’t even start with the process. If you feel resistance to writing, welcome it. Invite it to be here with you, to dance through your consciousness. It’s normal to have blocks to writing. We all have been judged in the past for what we wrote or didn’t write. We all have received marks on our papers in school, seen the red ink. We might have started to believe we can’t write. These are all beliefs and emotions from the past.

Take a deep breath and allow your resistances and thoughts about writing to be here. Metaphorically turn to them and let them know that they are allowed to be with you, that you acknowledge their presence and thank them for wishing to protect you from new pain. Then tell them that today, it’s safe to write. Nobody will be judging your words on this paper, in your wise woman’s journal. Only your eyes will ever see those words. It’s safe to write today. Let these old resistances also know that today they won’t stop you from taking a step towards really Being – Her.

Thank them and then just relax.

Take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes and feel your woman’s body. How is she feeling today? What sensations and feelings are vibrating inside? Take some time to come home inside. With the next breath, invite all the parts of you which are still in the past to come here and enter your body. Give them some time to come home inside of you, while of your body has the permission now to relax even deeper.

With the next gentle and warm breath, invite also all the parts of yourself which are already rushing into the future, into what has to be done afterwards. Just bring them back and allow them to enter your body now. Feel the warm presence of your being, while you relax even deeper.

Just allow, in your mind’s eye to go back to your childhood. To the time when you were a little girl. Allow the memories to arise. Allow yourself to feel how you felt. Just be open and receive. How was your life as a little girl, as a baby, as an infant in this woman’s body? Did you feel welcomed and loved? Did you arrive into a hostile environment? Did your parents wish for a boy, and then you came instead? What is your truth?

Then growing up, how did your life go? How did you truly feel in this woman’s body?

For example - how was the moment, as a little girl, when you discovered what it is to be a girl and that there was a difference between you and the boys?

What happened when your first period arrived? Were you reassured by the women around you? Or was it a secret?

How did you live through your first experience falling in love?

Growing up, becoming an adolescent, how did you actually feel in this woman’s body?

How was your first meeting with the opposite sex? How did the first time making love really make you feel?

What is the truth?

As you were becoming a woman, how did your first serious love relationship go?

Did you live through pregnancies, abortion, stillbirth?

Did you live in a safe environment or did you experience sexual, verbal or physical abuse? Be truthful. It might hurt to remember, but it’s all for your freedom.

How did your education go? Did you learn the profession of your heart, were you allowed to flower in your talents? How did you really feel?

Just allow yourself to relax into the truth of your story in this woman’s body. Remember, it’s your truth, nobody will judge you for it or punish you for it. You are safe here. Everything may be expressed. You are writing for yourself, that’s all.

Use all of your curiousity to get into contact with how you lived through the different stages in a woman’s life. If you don’t get access to all of the memories, just relax. They might be revealed at a different time. Allow this process to be effortless.

Now take another nice deep breath in and gently open your eyes and allow the words to flood through your pen onto the paper.

Start by writing. If no words come in the beginning start by writing the title: “The Truth about the journey in my woman’s body!” Write some words even if they make no logical sense to you. Trust!

Write as little and as many words that might come. It’s all ok!

Relax into the writing process now. Take your time. Allow the pen to flow and write as long as you wish.

Whenever you feel it’s enough for now, then just stop. Give thanks to yourself for your courage and determination. Give thanks to the silent space. Whenever you feel ready, just finish with the writing ritual for today and go back into your daily life. Allow yourself to remain connected to your beautiful woman’s body.

There is a lot of power in words, and even more power in the written word. There is the well-known phrase, “In the beginning there was the word”. The Bible and other sacred scriptures know the power of the written word and we are harnessing this energy in our own writing journey of truth.

By writing down your truth about your journey in this woman’s body, you are going on a journey to freedom. The power of the written word most probably brings emotions with it. You might feel how you felt at that time, as a baby, an infant, a little girl, a school girl, a teenage girl, an adolescent, a young woman, a woman, a mother, a wife, a career woman, and so on and so forth. Tears might come, or fear, or anger. This is wonderful! You are releasing old emotion! We will speak more about emotions and their power in chapter 10 describing Step 2 - “Woman are emotional” to “Women have great intuition.”

Maybe you’d like to repeat this ritual as often as you feel called. Writing down your truth is a potent step towards a truthful life in freedom. Maybe afterwards you’d like to read the words again. Give them some time to be with you. You might want to allow more memories to come, in your dreams at night, under the shower. By starting to write you are allowing the process of truth to wash through you and actually liberate you from the past stored emotions. You also might want to burn the pages you wrote, afterwards, as a symbol that you are letting go of the past. Once the truth surfaces and the emotions that come with it, you purify yourself and this sets you free. Then there might be no need for the words to remain in a physical form and you feel like burning them in a sacred ritual.

You will feel like a new woman.

Maybe you don’t want to burn the pages, and wish to encourage other woman to speak (write) their truth by sharing your truth with them– in a truthful and protected environment, like in a wise woman’s circle.

Maybe, once you have started to write the first words about your true story in this woman’s body, a desire will arise to go even further, to keep writing, to write the truth onto these pages and set yourself free. The invitation is here to write your own full book. Send it to us. In the future we will open a section on our website, it will be a “secret” section, protected by passwords and available only to other Donna Divinas. There you can share your own book, your own truth. Let’s open up our hidden secrets together, our darkest sins, our most painful wounds, even the truth we cannot speak...let's open up and share. There is no judgment here. It’s a sacred space. Everything is welcome! Everything is welcome for freedom!

There is a way to experience and dive into this process in a protected environment, where all the right energies are prepared for it and there are other women there to guide you … if you feel that you need some support in taking the step towards truth in your life, please go to our website www.donna-divina.com and book the next upcoming retreat.

For me personally this process was my road to freedom as a woman. When I was encouraged to write about my journey in this woman’s body, for the first time I opened up to how it actually was for me. Not how I wanted it to be, but how I really experienced it. It was such liberation, to write about it in this “judgment-free space”, that I could not stop writing until I told the whole story. It became a full book. It was a very sacred time for me, to feel my way through the true experience. At times, strong emotions would surface and I stayed with them in silence. It was like sitting in some sort of sacred purifying fire. I wrote at least one hour a day and it was my private space; by reliving my life in truth I became my own observer and could come to a place of completion and forgiveness.

After the writing process had finished itself, I was able to not only write the truth but I was able to also speak the truth in the moment. I truly became a different woman!

Now, enjoy the song and then read on because in the next chapter we will give you a taste of our story in this woman’s body

Song - All is welcome here, Miten

Chapter 9

The Saviour isn’t coming anymore – She already lives inside of you

“Show me a woman who isn’t guilty…and I’ll show you a man.”

-Erica Jong

Donna Divinas sharing their stories in a woman’s body

Ninya– a female childhood

I enter this world through a very young mother and the first impact with the light, the cold and the noise is traumatic but her presence comforts me. I feel her, she loves me so much, but she is also very sad. She is a free spirit who feels imprisoned, but from now on, thanks to me she won’t feel alone again, I am sure. My father isn’t there, I don’t know why, but he isn’t present. Maybe she is sad because of this? After a couple of days he comes to pick us up from the hospital and he brings us into a wild paradise in the mountains. It is winter time and very cold. Mum and Dad work a lot, very often they leave me with grandma or other people. I am a calm child, a little angel, who decides to accept everything. I grow up with animals, they are always with me and they don’t make me feel alone. After three and a half years, my little brother arrives. My mother gives birth at home and I assist her the whole time. It’s the happiest day of my life. My mother is giving me a little brother to play with. During the birthing process she screams a lot .But I am happy, I dance and I sing and I have no worries, all will be well. I am calling my little brother, I am so happy he is coming to the light, but how much longer do I have to wait? Then he arrives, and he is so small! I am proud of him from the very first moment our eyes meet. From now on we are always together. Finally I am not alone anymore in the midst of these high mountains.

Mum and Dad always work a lot; they make cheese every day. They get up early to milk the cows and we have to learn to look after ourselves while we are still very little. I grow up like a wild child, with my hair always tousled, my clothes untidy. Mama isn’t happy. I try to please her in every way, learning to clean the house because I hear her fighting with Dad because he never cleans up. I also learn to do the dishes, to take care of my little brother. I take on many responsibilities much too early. At home, often there is “war”, the screaming is so strong that I need to protect my little brother and carry him outside. It makes me very sad to see them like this. I fear that I have done something wrong. I pray, beg for peace to arrive.

Mum starts to travel and she leaves us alone with Dad for entire summers. Each time she leaves, I wake up at four o’clock in the morning and when I hear the car driving off I feel a big lump in my throat. But I say nothing. I know that I have to do this, that leaving makes her feel good, but inside of me I’d like to grab her leg and beg her to not leave me alone. The time without her is empty and slow. I am counting down the days until she returns. But I need to show up strong for my little brother and invent all the games possible to play with him.

My social interactions are always traumatic. I am the shy little girl from the mountain, who stinks of cow and who everyone – especially the boys – tease a lot. I never find the strength to react. I go to kindergarten and stay there for the whole day,- really long days, away from the safety of my home. Being teased continuously is a nightmare. Later at school it’s the same story, I go there with the lump in my throat, filled with shyness, and afterwards I wait for hours in front of the school to be picked up because Mum and Dad are always late. I feel such pain when they don’t turn up; a pain which I keep blocked inside of me. I want to be a good girl and please everybody, but my shyness and this constant lump in my throat doesn’t allow me to. The only good point seems to be the good grades I get, the compliments from Mum, the games with my brother, the time alone in my own dream world. I dream of my prince charming, who comes to save me from this strange and difficult world. I am the “real me” only in my dreams.

The habit of being a good girl, whilst feeling alone on the inside continues as I grow up. When I celebrate my 12th birthday, Mum and Dad get a divorce. He betrayed her with many other women, I know this too. I also know that it’s better this way. I can’t stand their fights anymore. I want my mum to be happy. On one of her adventures to America my mother meets a man, with him she is happy and together we move to Tuscany. My body starts to transform itself, my little breasts are becoming harder and are growing .In my class my girlfriends use a bra and speak about menstrual cycles; I am too timid to ask them or to speak about these things with someone else. So I fake that nothing is going on but I feel extremely ashamed: new hairs on my body, a strange odor, I feel uncomfortable in this body … I don’t want to grow … I prefer to remain a little girl in the dream world forever …

Ariane – going through puberty

When I am around 14 my first period arrives. The hormones of a teenager sweep me away without warning. I become a rebel. I am rebelling against everyone and everything- my parents, schoolteachers, directors and the whole world. I hate myself and my life. I start to drink alcohol regularly and am introduced to soft drugs. I fight against a life without love and connection. I do it my way- with words and by closing myself down to the ones I feel are responsible for feeling so lost inside. On the outside, I dress as a punk. I ride around at night on my bicycle with some of my rebel friends and write protest phrases on the walls of the school building. Well, and then there are the boys. There are many of them around me. I am naturally good looking, although I personally don’t like my body. The problem is, I don’t like them at all. The boys try to kiss me, to make physical contact, to embrace me, but I hate them. They make me feel nauseas and sick inside. Of course the other girls around like kissing, so I feel the pressure to do it myself. It makes me vomit. So I become convinced that something is really, really wrong with me. It happens that I start to like some boy, we start flirting a bit and I even get this idea that we could be “falling in love”, but when the actual time comes to kiss and be close, I run away and refuse to ever come close to this guy again. I start to distance myself and escape into a dreamworld where my prince charming is, far away from this reality. I find refuge in being high on marijuana and alcohol and then dream about a better life with that perfect prince and saviour who will come to rescue me from this grey and dark life reality which is certainly not for me.

Then I turn 16. Many of the girls in my school already have a steady boyfriend and start to talk about sex. It was clear to me that it is not possible that they will “do it” before me! I am the revolutionary one, that sort of leader in my neighbourhood with all of her “against the world” charisma. I can't be the last one to lose her virginity! In a very matter-of-fact kind of way, I decide that the time had come to take control. I go to visit a gynecologist, a man of course (at that time it seemed there were only men in this profession) and repress every single feeling of humiliation and shame during that painful visit and go home with the anti-baby pill in my pocket. I don’t tell anyone. Then I look for a guy that actually gives me some sort of shivers. I find him... a much older man, I'm 16 and he's 27, a good looking guy who works in my favourite pub. To impress him I start to drink like crazy, cocktails, hard drinks, the whole lot. He notices me and we start to speak and flirt. When I get to know him a little closer I realize that he not only drinks a lot, but he’s also an ex-junkie. Well, not really ex, but who cares! With all this alcohol in my system I actually like his touch. We become intimate. Then it’s time for “the first time”. I feel terrified when he is ready to enter me, and suddenly all of my booze is gone and I am completely present and sober. My body shakes and trembles, but he is so high on drugs that he doesn’t seem to notice and instead tightens his grip; no sound comes out of my throat, the pain is intense as I tremble through my first love making experience. Tears stream down my face as he rolls to the other side and sleeps like in a coma. I am not a virgin anymore. What can I say about this experience, about all this? I can't understand the hype, can't understand what the pleasure is, can't understand anything. All I know is that sex is not for me. Now I am dead certain that there is truly something wrong with me. I am not normal.

We remain together in this relationship/non relationship, and I start to fall in love, in spite of it all. One day he realizes that I actually was a virgin the first time we were together and embraces me softly, telling me how sorry he is. “Why didn’t you tell me”, he asks? Yes, why didn’t I? There is no way I can speak about sex, the words are just blocked in my throat. Anyway, this doesn’t stop him using my body to pleasure him, to read his pornographic journals (alone, because they make me sick) and then have passionate sex with me. Sometimes his passion and fire is so high, that my little breasts are full of blue marks from the passion and bruises his hands left on my body. All I can say is I don’t like sex, but it is good to have all of his attention.

When I turn 17 the conflicts with my parents come to a peak and I leave the house, I move out to be by myself. It’s much too early, but better to fight alone for survival than to take one more day of the war at home. A few months after this big step in my young life, my first lover leaves for good – with another woman who is definitely more hot and fiery. One who is not as cold and blocked as I am. My heart breaks in a thousand pieces. I don’t speak about it with anyone.

No other guy can get close to me after that. If they come close, the old nausea shows up again. I start to doubt... maybe I'm a lesbian? So, again, cold as ice, pushed by curiousity, I want to know, so I get into contact with a woman living next door who is a declared lesbian. We spend a night together, and it’s even worse with a woman. No, I am not even lesbian! I am really the only strange alien on this earth... it’s been confirmed time and time again.

After my graduation from high school I leave my home country to travel around and find myself. I travel through France, Spain, and Portugal. I still can’t find myself. I decide to search in nature and sign up for a volunteer year in an anthroposophical community in Scotland. I love nature and animals. I feel relieved and much better, although loneliness still pervades inside. After Scotland I go to Italy, high in the Alps and learn how to hand milk cows- a skill I believe is essential to learn for my survival in nature. The owner of the farm is a family man of 47, a real life teacher to me. I adore him, I feel safe. One day he sweeps me off my feet kissing me passionately in the cheese chamber. He carries me to bed and we have sex. I just let it happen, completely in shock. He is married and has three children, and one of his sons is even older than I am! I just love the attention I receive through his having sex with me. So I decide to be in love with him. Our love story is a hidden one, a crime that can’t be seen by the day of light. I have a feeling that the fact that it's an impossible love makes it even more desirable for me and I want to be with him at all costs. I don’t care about his jealous wife. I just want him.

Well, sometimes you get what you wish for. After six months into our relationship, I am in Perugia, Italy, studying. He calls me and invites me to come to join him in the Alps. He has left his family. Without any hesitation I give up my studies, my professional education, any common sense, and run into his arms. Apart from great sex there is not much we can speak about. After a couple of months I am pregnant. I am now 21, still a child, and very lost in a sort of criminal-like setting with this mature man. I consider abortion, but I just can’t do it. I keep the baby (luckily...it’s Ninya!). The worst part of this story is that my pregnancy is like a horror movie – I am sick every day of the nine months and have to vomit all the time. We are living in a precarious situation, without a house or home; we're living in some rented, very poorly equipped cabins and Ninya will be born and raised here. Needless to say, the whole birth process for me is traumatic: incredibly painful and shocking and I am still alone to face it all.

I was overwhelmed and very much unprepared to become a mother. I felt completely alone in this “survival mode” of living life. It is really hard. I wouldn’t like to repeat it. No holy mother Mary appears for me to hold me, to support me, to instruct me. I am really the strangest woman of this universe!

Alison – becoming Mother

I am 21, just graduated from University and feeling like the world is my oyster. I fly to China to teach at a university there and give myself wholeheartedly to this job. I am completely present for all of my 400 students (many of whom were even older than I was!), sharing all of my experiences and giving all I can, creating all kinds of activities and opening my door for visits. My students enjoy coming to visit me and they would stay there for hours, speaking and asking questions. Sometimes they bring me gifts and other treats. I feel my heart to be so wide open! I want to be perfect for them. I want them to see me as the perfect everything... teacher, friend, woman and daughter. The intensity of life is really high, I am always “requested”; people ask me for dinners, events, classes. The local people see me as an opportunity and so they try to strike up a relationship with me, and I am always open and willing, wanting to please everybody, unwilling to say no and offend. I am the good girl, the good teacher, the model person. I don't feel like this inside, I feel much more inside. I know the shadows that dwell inside. I am also a bad girl, I like to drink and party. I smoke, but no-one sees this. I totally enjoy having sex with my boyfriend and that too is hush-hush (my private life anyway!). I have strong emotions and super strong feelings that explode every now and again. When my boyfriend kisses another girl, the jealousy I feel is like dynamite, ready to destroy anything in its path. No mercy, no mercy, no way. I am full of venom. How could anyone do that to ME? What could anyone possibly want more than what I have?

Behind closed doors, all is different. Around midyear, the tension inside starts to build up and I reach a point of exhaustion. Maintaining this ideal, this duality, hiding these parts of myself just because for me they “shouldn't really exist”...is draining. I don't even realize I am doing it. And there I am sitting on the floor, picking up the bits of glass of a bottle I just threw across the room from the tension, crying, not even knowing why, and with a little piece of glass, I drag it slowly across my skin, slicing it up, letting the blood drain. It feels good. I feel relieved. The pain somehow makes me feel better. Now that would really shock all these people who think I really have it all together, who see me as so good and sweet and capable, wouldn't it? It was like saying f*** you to everyone and their expectations of me. F*** you too, perfect girl. It's as if the shadow has taken over.

Years later, I find myself in a completely different part of the world. Cut off from the rest of modern society, Madagascar is moving to the beat of its own drum. I am there with my parents who are in foreign mission and while my father works to help the local people restore their agricultural capacities, I am keeping my mother company. We explore this world together by day; the life there is almost shocking for her and even though she has seen poverty all over the world before, there is something here incredibly foreign to her. We are involved in volunteer work together: she works with the nuns who create beautiful handicrafts to raise money for the women and children on the streets, and every Sunday she goes to the poor neighbourhood with her two friends and she dishes out the highly nutritious soup she makes for hundreds of children. I teach at the local foreign school, as well as giving private lessons.

At night, I explore the city, and meet a few different men. I meet this Malgache Rasta, and am intrigued by him and his way of being. He is very smooth and cool, and in general like the idea of him more than him. He invites me to lunch and his girlfriend (!) prepares a lovely lunch of grilled fish, salad, and rice. He wants me because I am “white” and have money. He is relatively poor, and wants to improve his living situation. He tells me to call him “bwana”, which means master, or chief. He is Muslim. His girl looks at me with angry eyes, wanting me to disappear. He keeps treating me like an honoured guest. He sends her away and closes the doors and blinds. We move to the bed. I am not interested in him physically, I feel no attraction, but I ignore this because it just wouldn't go down well and I couldn't offend him. So instead I follow his moves and let him do what he wants. I start laughing, little giggles, to get me through this. I am in another place, from above, watching my body, commanding my body to do something it doesn't want to. I am completely disconnected from this physical life. I don't even know if we used protection. Who am I trying to please, for God's sake? He asks me, he senses I am absent, and I just retreat even further inside all the while trying to make him feel at ease. Finally it's over and I go home. His girl comes back to wash and put everything away. Before I leave, he asks me to buy some shoes for him in my next trip. I say I will. I feel like a zombie, disconnected from my body, and from my truth. What is holding me back from saying how I really feel? And why is it so hard for me to be me, and not always merge into the other, completely disconnecting me from me?

I don't pursue this relationship much further, I feel like a fish out of water in all of our social outings, even though I feel some sort of obligation to him and maintain contact. I meet another man. He's American, older, a gentleman. He's interested in me, and asks me out. I decline his invitation. I'm mixed up with this other guy. I'm sure he would have been very nice to me...too nice, I guess. One day I'm at the supermarket and meet this other man. He's Chinese Thai. I can speak some Thai and he speaks little English but there is this spark and I like his sweetness. We meet for lunch. He's nervous around me, like a little boy, and it's all very innocent even though he's 12 years older than me. It's exciting for him, and it's safe and familiar for me; he's safe. He's willing and eager to satisfy all of my requests. The first night we spend together he prepares a Thai herb bath for me and brings me freshly squeezed lime juice, my favourite drink from Thailand. After I dry off, we move to the bed and he gently massages my body. We make love with full and complete passion and the nights continue on like this. Almost every night, living out the burning passion inside. All through the rainy season. We travel and visit places cutoff from humanity, all the while totally immersed in our free, open and unlimited love.

I return to the US for my sister's wedding and realize I am pregnant. He is in Thailand and I decide to surprise him with this news, planning a short trip there on my way back to Madagascar. He puts me up in hotel and visits now and again, having to work and all. He takes me on one of his trips in the country and finds a small house for us. Very, very simple. We sleep on the floor with mosquito nets all around us. There is no western toilet, just a floor toilet outside with a water bucket to flush it out. He buys bottled water and a water heater so I can make myself coffee and noodles, and a cooler to keep things cool. He's gone a lot of the time. I stay alone, read and write. I am open to this experience and don't think about the how’s and whys too much ... maybe I should have. One morning I wake up and am cramping, there's some blood on my underwear. I go outside to the toilet and squat, looking down and seeing blood drip down. I'm hurting inside. Who can I speak to? I'm in the countryside in Thailand, who knows where? I don't know anyone, and don’t know what's going on. I'm still young, I'm only 24 years old. When he comes home, I tell him what's going on and he wants to take me the hospital, so we pack up and go back to the city. They check me in immediately and do a scan, see that I am having a miscarriage and start preparing to clean it all out. It's happening so fast and dragging me along, help! I'm lying on the operating table and they're pushing me to the op room, the nurse is holding my face, and I am crying so helplessly. My body is rippling with sadness and terror, what about my baby? What will happen to her or him? Is he/she dead? What's this all about? Someone explain all this to me! I see the doctor's face full of compassion in that one second before I black out. I am like a zombie for weeks afterwards. I decide to go to a temple and become a nun for a week, dressing in white, chanting mantras for the baby I never had a chance to meet. I wake up early and pray for days. There is a deep pain inside, a hole drilled out of me. Something shifted inside. I feel removed from this world. Alone.

Going back to the way things were before, back to Madagascar, back to teaching, not realizing how much I had changed. We, my parents and I, are preparing to move back to the US. I'm not sure what to do, stay in this foreign world with him or go back home. No-one knows my secret...I'm pregnant again. I don't say anything to my parents, keeping my secret to myself. Before I go, I leave a few boxes of my things just in case I come back to live with him here. Something inside is burning though, some truth is exposing itself. I write a letter to him before leaving. The words flow through... I am not sure that he is present in all this. I feel something is not right and I can't put my finger on it. I tell him I will go back to the US and find a place to live and raise our child on my own. I thank him for our time together.

Now I find myself around our family dining room table and all of my brothers and sisters are sitting with me. They're there to discuss my situation, and decide my fate. My father tells me that I have to marry him somehow because this child cannot be born illegitimate and she needs legal rights. Somehow I've lost all control over my life, watching these people in front of me, taking over and there I am, observing my life from above, disconnected. I do what they say, and fight against life because life is not on my side and creates obstacles for this marriage from the beginning to the end. I travel across the world with my big belly and it happens. My aunt lends me an outfit. We go to the civil ceremony, and it's all very solemn. I force myself to be happy, to make the best of this. It's ridiculous to me. It's all a farce but I'm pushing for it all to happen anyway, not stopping it, not asserting myself. I've retreated. She's retreated. So far deep inside me. My aunt brings a cake; no-one ever really thought of celebrating, except her.

I return to the US, and he can't get visa to enter and visit. I try to intervene on his behalf to the local senator, explaining the situation and how I would like him to be present for the birth and that he will surely go back to Thailand for he has his work there and everything. I receive the answer in the mail about two weeks before my due date. They tell me that the man in question has applied for a tourist visa on various occasions and the information provided on the application has varied. The truth is, he is married and has four children. I cry for days, completely wiped away by the delusion, disappointment and despair. I pray to my baby that she may come sooner than later, and sure enough she is born before her due date, and in her tender, innocent, perfect essence, I find refuge.

..............

As women, many of us still believe that salvation from their lives of pain and suffering in this woman’s body will come from an outside saviour. Religion, regardless of its name, has had and still does have a strong conditioning effect on us. Generally, because women give birth, their bodies are able to support much more pain than a male body could ever carry, but does this mean that life in a woman’s body needs to be painful?

Women, for time immemorial, have endured endless amounts of pain, not only birth pain but all kinds of pain from abuse, being inferior, being objectified, being excluded from the consideration as a human being, being without rights, without a soul, and so on and so forth.

This pain is unnatural and it is foolish to accept it any longer. We have long accepted that intense and often excruciating pain is a necessary and essential part of the birthing process. Today this pain is not necessary anymore. We are free to be, we have the physical space to be free. Unfortunately for some of our sisters, in some parts of the world, the masculine control system still has a tight grip on the physical freedom of their women. In the western world however, this freedom is spreading. What holds us prisoners is the past, the beliefs that life needs to be like it was for our female ancestors.

Once we really understand that we are creating our reality and it becomes an integrated part of us, we will stop the painful game of being the victim or the one in control, or any other role that we've adopted. The saviour is not outside of us. We can keep waiting for many more lifetimes for him to come on his white horse and sweep us away with his love and make all of our pain right, fighting for righteousness and justice in our name. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen, there's no man coming to save you.

You don’t like what I have just said? Of course, I know how you feel, I raged about it too... attached to the little girl lost in her dream of prince charming coming to rescue her. The girl who grew up seeking for the enlightened master to release her from her suffering. It wasn’t fast or easy to let go of this whole dream. Isn’t it common between us woman, as teenagers, to wish for the millionaire / prince charming to come around and marry us, so we won’t have to struggle financially anymore? Why is it that we don't focus instead on how we – out of our talents and gifts- are able to create our own financial abundance?

Sometimes we tend to get lost in the spider web of our beliefs, conditionings and religious blocks. They keep us imprisoned. The truth in this woman’s body, the full truth, is often a story of past pain; past pain which is still keeping us in her grip.

We – and only we – have the power to end this story.

Here’s a radical thought. Who has ever confirmed that God is male? Is he really this generous, wise man with a long beard, the creator of this universe, who commands the whole of existence, sometimes with love, sometimes with punishment for our sins?

What kind of image lives inside of you regarding the creator? Take a really good look inside of yourself! I was surprised to find a male God sitting there, even though I already considered myself a very modern and free woman.

Is it allowed to question these deeply rooted religious concepts? I still meet women today, who get very emotional and protective when it comes to speaking about God and the Saviour. Remember, we are just exploring!

Is it possible that God is also female? If life is born from a womb, couldn’t all of creation be born from a woman, or feminine energy?

Maybe we could at least allow the possibility for God to be both male and female. Or imagine a universe of male and female Gods and Goddesses, all playing their part in this game called life.

It's totally up to you. Your religious choices and beliefs are completely yours and I respect them fully. As women it’s time to come together as women, no matter what religion, or whatever spiritual background we were raised in. The simple fact that we are all living in a female body is enough to unite us on a very deep level.

My direct experience has shown me that all of the existing religions were created by men, and they didn’t include women in their search for the divine truth. Most of the enlightened masters are male too, and most of the different spiritual paths they propose work very well for men, but they simply aren’t suitable for women. We have to rediscover what our female path is, our path to reconnect with the Goddess that lives within us. It might be very different from what we have known so far.

Maybe we won’t achieve enlightenment by just sitting still in meditation. Maybe it’s different for us. Maybe the way we have learned to pray is just good for men. We can allow ourselves to question the existing paradigm. It’s safe! We have the permission to explore what actually does work for us – and create a wholesome, happy life that suits our needs, even our spiritual needs.

What if the “male” saviour really will not come back? What if She – the Goddess, actually already lives inside? Just waiting for us to be open, allow Her in and – be saved? Are you willing to even consider the possibility?

Who is this Goddess?

The Goddess is the one who refuses to believe the lies, confinements, belief systems and any form of conditioning (which fools us to accept that we are unworthy, incapable, and possess few resources). The Goddess is our innate, infinite potential which often we just cannot seem to locate. Living as the Goddess means reconnecting with the truth inside of us.

Let’s ask what the Goddess would do if she was to return to the planet right now!

What would she do seeing all the battle fields, and all the wars raging?

What position would she take on all the dysfunctional families, marriages and partnerships, divorces, and separations which are at an increasing rate?

What would she say about the state of love on this planet?

What would Her ideas be about sexuality, which has taken a crazy turn in our modern society, running on impulse and stimuli, and which have almost nothing to do with love anymore?

How would she see our artificial lifestyle?

What words would she have to say about our financial system, about our money exchange system?

What would she say about our educational system in schools and institutes, and about how we raise our children?

What opinion would she have on that which we consume every day, be it on a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual level?

How would she view the way we treat Mother Earth, all the environmental and pollution problems, and the way we exploit the planet’s resources and use mineral oil so carelessly?

Shall we take a moment to look at all these questions?

Every woman who turns towards her own truth, and lets the Goddess inside of her speak, knows the answers. How can it then be possible that nothing is changing and she just does not express herself, speak up, or act?

The answer is simple: she is locked away, lacking a voice. It’s the woman herself who prefers Her to remain silent, trapped, hidden, suffering and entangled.

You, together with all the women around you possess a great power, with the potential to put an end to the world which is in the process of destroying itself. Now you can close the chapter of life in pain and suffering, and start to live according to your true strength. Every part of you which opens and lets Her in, allows Her to return to the planet.

“If only women were to truly love - to love their children in a way only they are able to, then no mother would allow her son to go to war.“

The transformation starts with you:

Allow yourself to heal, to fully live your feminine potential, for the Goddess inside of you to return.

Together we make a difference! As I said before in other chapters: one woman at a time changing her inner world.

Then altogether, we are no longer alone... we are united, creating the new world.

It’s about our power.

It’s about living it, trusting it, allowing her to come through, being guided.

It’s about being able to stand in “not knowing”, in this present moment, and just sensing, feeling, being, even being crazy, when crazy “is here.”

Inquiry- The Truth about you as a woman

This inquiry is done best with another woman you trust and are connected to (beyond the surface, remember?). It’s time now to invite your support in, allow your circle of one or more Donna Divinas to manifest. Maybe you already have Donna Divinas around you, which is great, so you can get started immediately.

If you don’t have connections to open minded and heart centered women in your area, you can do this inquiry also by yourself, writing the answers into your Wise Woman’s Journal. Please know that by sharing with another living and breathing woman, you will probably be able to go deeper.

Come together on a fixed date and hour. Yes, make an appointment, like you would take any other important appointment in your life and honour it by showing up on time. Choose a place where you are alone and undisturbed; it might be in your female temple space you have already created. Isn’t it a wonderful vibration and conscious improvement to your life, to already have brought a sacred female space into your home (as described in the Chapter: “The seven natural steps of the Donna Divina Process”)? Congratulations! Please take some time to thank yourself for your amazing progress! Most women never get so far. You’ve done it!

If you want to listen to the audio recording of this guided process, press “play” and get started.

Sit down together in a comfortable position and come to a place of silence together. Look into each other’s eyes. Really see the woman in front of you. Honour her beautiful presence with your eyes, soft eyes, eyes full of light embracing each other without physically touching, giving warmth and recognition without needing to speak a word.

Now breathe together. Take a long deep breath at the same rhythm and let it out again. Just sit there, eyes connected and breathing for 3- 4 times in synchrony. Allow any feeling, sensation to be here, even the uncomfortable ones. Stay with them and open even more. Sit and be and breathe and look into these beautiful eyes. Relax and soften your body.

Then decide who will ask the question first and who will answer to the question (which will be revealed in just a moment). It’s important you are clear on this. The woman who asks the question, just make a sign through your body language, raising your hand or any other sign. Thank you!

If you are the one who asks, ask the question again and again. Give 5 minutes to the woman answering to just speak and answer. Don’t comment, don’t say any other word (apart from the question), just be present with her and give her all the space. Allow the Donna Divina in front of you to truly explore her answer, allow yourselves to be surprised, maybe words will flow out of her mouth which neither of you expected. When she becomes silent, just ask the question again, to help her to get in touch with deeper parts of her Being. If no words come, sit together in silence until it’s time to switch. Don’t switch before the full five minutes are over. Allow the Donna Divina in front of you all of her space.

So this is the question you can ask now – What does being a woman mean for you?

(Give 5 min)

Now it’s time to switch, the woman who has asked the question before will be exploring and speaking now.

(Give 5 min)

Thank you!

Now switch back again and move on to the next question of this inquiry:

This next question is actually a sentence that you can complete with your own honesty during the next five minutes: Because I am a woman, I have to …..

(Give 5 min)

Switch again.

(Give 5 min)

Now thank each other for this precious opportunity together and share about what you have learned. Then end the inquiry with an embrace or some sort of physical sign that you are moving on to a more conversational style of being (like a bow of your head, or a heart-honouring touch with your hand). Then enjoy the rest of your time together casually now - and there is no need to talk about the experience anymore. Just let it sink in.

Song - Let it go from Frozen

Most probably some emotions, feelings or sensations have already come up during this inquiry, so now let’s move on to the next chapter and explore more about them.

Chapter 10

Step 2 – Woman are emotional

“We cannot do great things in this world. We can only do little things with great love.”

-Mother Teresa

Sabina is furious. She feels contraction and tension everywhere in her body. Her stomach hurts as if she swallowed three full meals in a row and can’t digest them. Her throat feels tight and there is this energy of anxiety moving quickly up and down her chest.

Both of her hands are clenched into fists. “This is not fair! It’s just not fair! I give everything to this job, I work long and late hours, I neglect my family, I am always in a hurry, and I create amazing results in this company!!! My boss is just a chauvinistic bast****.” (I leave you to imagine the rest of the swearwords she is releasing inside her head, just for her to hear.)

Her longtime boss had just announced the promotion of a younger, and less experienced, male colleague to the position she had imagined for herself.

Sabina thinks to herself, “I'm not letting this happen!” She walks into her boss's office, towering in front of him, looking at him with hostility.

Her boss raises his head. “Sabina? What is happening? What's wrong?” he says, with a surprised tone in his voice.

“It’s not fair! It’s just not fair! The position you gave to Daniel was supposed to be mine! Why on earth did you give him my job? I have given everything I have to this company!”

Her boss sighs. “Sabina”, he says, “Daniel is the better choice for this position. Just look at you. Daniel doesn’t get emotional all the time like you do!”

Sabina is flabbergasted and can't think of anything to respond to his accusation. She feels violated, hurt and misunderstood. She rushes out of the office, back to her desk and bursts into tears.

“Women are emotional”. It’s almost a cliché. These words are repeated everywhere, in continuation. Again and again this is the reason why we are not good enough, why we can’t speak about our needs, claim our rights, or simply communicate in an efficient way to the (male) world. This is the reason why we are not taken seriously and listened to. The reason why we start to speak our truth and then get interrupted by our fading voice, filled with emotion, and we can’t speak or think clearly. This is why our relationships fail, this is why we suffer and continue to suffer.

We know it! Yes, we know that we are emotional. After we've screamed at our husbands, partners, bosses, kids or friends in an emotional moment, don’t we regret it afterwards? Don’t we promise and re-promise to ourselves that it won’t happen again, that next time we will make choices coming from the calm and serene being we know ourselves to be?

Our many emotions inside are like a burden, a cross, which is really hard to bear at times. Men seem to have a much easier rapport with emotions. It seems that they generally feel and sense less. Our society had taught them to repress emotions from a very young age (“Real men don't cry. A real man doesn't feel pain.”) And for the most part, they have assimilated this more than women have.

In personal development methods and seminars there are thousands of tools of how to deal with our emotions. Most of them work just for men.

In this chapter I’d like to offer a simple tool which will allow you, as a woman, to “deal” with your emotions and turn the current paradigm around: “Women are emotional” will be transformed into “Women have great intuition”.

The price for continuing to be emotional and lost in emotions is much too high. Emotions, these strong energies, which move through our systems and make us react, instead of responding, many times can’t be controlled. You can read about what emotions do every day in the newspapers – another murder because of jealousy, another family slaughtered because of resentment and rage, even kids at school start to kill each other driven by emotions which can’t be contained any longer. Yes, usually it’s men who kill out of emotion, but as women it is not much different. We lose our power, respect and potential by allowing emotions to rule our lives.

Some women I meet are even proud of their emotionality and if you are one of them, please read this chapter carefully. There is great confusion about the difference between emotions, feelings and sensations. These terms are generally used altogether to express the same thing… once you comprehend their difference, your work towards your freedom as a woman is well on its way!

What is the definition of emotion? E-Motion = energy moving. What kind of emotions do we know of?

When I ask this question in the seminars, usually what is revealed first by the audience are what we call “negative” emotions like: rage, resentment, hatred, depression, loneliness, fear, terror, anger, sadness, grief, pain, frustration, anxiety, fury, jealousy, greed, shame, solitude, abandonment, feeling impotent, incompetence, self-judgment, judgmental, vulnerable, weak, without value, low self-worth and self-esteem, invidious, guilty, stressed etc.

Then participants remember other emotions with a more positive label like: peace, serenity, love, comprehension, thankfulness, passion, euphoria, beauty, joy, happiness, excitement, desire, empathy, compassion, tenderness, lightness, confidence, self-worth, celebration, triumph, humility, gratitude, freedom, wellbeing, creativity, calmness, exuberance, trust, enthusiasm, exuberance, fulfillment, sweetness, union and so on.

The truth about emotions is that they are energies, vital life energies. We have given them names and labels and we are trained and conditioned to allow some of them and repress others. Some are called “good ones”; some are judged and called “bad ones”. Have you ever seen a teacher encouraging a child to honestly express her emotions? To freely express rage and sadness, abandonment or guilt? Most teachers don’t even know how to deal with these energies themselves.

Growing up, rarely are we encouraged to express emotions. On the contrary, from when we were born, we are taught to repress emotions, or better - innocent feelings and sensations- just as everyone else does.As women, we have not been taught or given examples on how to deal with the many emotions which are inside of us. This is a fact and it’s not good or bad. It’s just time to change this state of confusion.

When we are born, we come into this world as innocent, pure, loving beings. Usually the first thing we experience is separation from our mother (to the hands of a nurse or doctor) and some cold sensations like a clap on the back or the cold iron of a scale to measure our birth weight. Naturally we feel separation and cold, and start to express this feeling, usually by starting to cry. This is a “normal” birth scenario. The natural and true one goes like this: the mother cuddles her newborn in her arms, close to her warm heart, while daddy embraces them both and together they welcome the new baby with their love and soothing words, while the nurse, who knows about this crucial bonding time, gives all the space in the world to the parents and softly helps with the sacred rite of “cutting” the umbilical cord and all the rest of the needed activities in a space of gentleness and love. Sadly, most of us have been welcomed into the world in the “normal” birth scenario.

Now the baby- because of the strong feeling of discomfort due to separation and coldness - cries, maybe even screams - and what is the first “teaching” it receives? Yes, that’s right, “Oh Baby, don’t cry!” and parents, doctors or nurses are doing what they can to calm down the baby’s expression of discomfort. As a result the baby learns – “it’s not ok to express my feelings and sensations as they come.”
Through the coming years this is confirmed again and again: “Don’t express your sensations and feelings.”

What is the difference between sensations, feelings and emotions?

Sensations are natural body perceptions; sensing is the great, natural system we are born with, which gives us the ability to sense the circumstances of the environment, which enables us to survive in the physical world. Examples: cold or hot, dangerous or safe, are immediate feedback sensations we receive from the outside world. Sensations can be confined to perceiving the physical world; once allowed, opened and refined, sensing becomes what we call “the sixth sense”, our sensing and perceiving impulses and communications from the non-material.

Feelings are very similar to sensations; they are what we elaborate from the sensations in the environment, like if we feel the warmth of our mother, in our heart we might feel happiness, or calmness, or love, or union.

Sensations and feelings are vital and sweet, and they happen all the time. They guide us through life and, if noticed and expressed, are signals of our instinct and intuition which guarantees us a safe and fulfilled journey on this planet.

Sadly, we are taught to repress feelings and sensations from when we are very little. As feelings and sensations get repressed, they can’t move (remember, they are energies) freely through our bodies. As a result they “get stuck”. Science has found that as sensations and feelings get repressed, they release a certain biochemical substance into the tissues of our body, organs and bones. These substances block the cell receptors between neighbouring cells, which means that, in this area, our body cells have lost their natural flow of cell communication.* We are literally creating “blocks” in our bodies.

*if you wish to go deeper with this subject from a scientific point of view please read “molecules of emotion” by Candace Pert

The American Centre for disease control has published research that found the shocking truth – 85 % of all the illnesses in human bodies have an emotional root cause to them – repressed sensations and feelings causing illness.

As women, we feel and sense more than men, and thus we tend to repress more, leaving more emotional blocks in us. Men and women are in this whole dilemma together... don’t get me wrong. Men just have more ways to “control” emotions which don’t work for us.

I'd like to say that repressed sensations and feelings become festering sensations and feelings, and those festering energies we then call emotion. Is this clear? It sounds complicated but it's very simple. Look inside and explore for yourself!

Emotions are feelings and sensations from the past, since they weren’t allowed to be felt and expressed when they came to “visit us” with their important communication. All emotions have their roots in the past. We are not taught how to deal with this natural energy of a feeling (sensation). Later, when we already have developed a so- called “emotional body” we aren’t taught how to deal with emotions then either. We have to teach it to ourselves, and this is what we’re doing now.

Typically, it happens like this, during our day maybe someone looks at us with “strange” kind of look, or says some words we don’t like, and these actions from the outside may trigger a dormant emotion to come to the surface of our consciousness. We call this state: “I am activated, my buttons have been pressed, and now I am emotional”. Emotions carry strong energy, because they are imprisoned sensations and feelings from the past. Usually they have no connection to the present moment situation.

Another example: I am ready to go to my boss to ask for a raise because I have done an amazing job in the past few months. I feel confident about myself and happy to ask for what I deserve. I walk to the door of my boss's office and I hear his loud, authoritative voice coming through the door as he speaks on the telephone. His voice triggers insecurity and fear inside of me. My button of past stressful situations with authorities has been pressed. The emotion of fear is very strong. My body starts to tremble a little bit and my hands get wet. My mind starts to pick up on the emotion and starts to tell me a story about how my boss is an obstacle in my life, how he is not behaving as a gentleman, how he never sees me and he should be the one to offer the raise to me in the first place. The triggered emotion of fear is gaining in strength and since I have no real tool to deal with it, I believe in the story, I allow the emotion to make me react and, instead of asking for a raise, I turn around and walk back to my desk. The whole day the story continues in my head about what I don’t like in my boss and even in my job, the emotion of fear turns into anger, then frustration, and I continue to project onto my boss and job all kinds of inner stories. The result at the end of the day is that I go to a coffee bar, have a nice cappuccino to reward me for my hard, emotional day and speak negatively about my boss and work to some friends, all because he has not given me the raise I deserve and the one I completely forgot to ask about. The emotions of fear, anger and frustration have nothing to do with my present day situation. They stay with me for the whole day, maybe even for days. I feel separated from all of my possibilities, from my boss, from my colleagues, from my job. I am separated from myself. I continue to create scarcity and suffering in my life, not realizing that I (my emotions) are doing it to me and I have lost control.

How can you observe yourself and get a clear idea if you are being emotional (being used by one of your blocks to create more of a negative reality) or feeling a feeling/sensation which is guiding you unhealthily?

Emotions separate you from yourself and others. They stay with you for hours or even days. They create tension and rigidity in the body. They have a story attached which repeats itself over and over in your mind. They make you react instead of allowing free, inspired action. They blame the other and project on the other. (You know that you are emotional when you start to talk about someone else in a negative way, usually behind their backs.) They make you react in exaggerated and confused manners. They release toxins in your body; you might feel slightly sick, or get a stomachache or a headache arises. They make you believe that you are right and the other is wrong. They find fault in the other. They make you ready to fight; they make you fight against others, even your loved ones. They make you become a puppet, taking over your thinking and acting; it’s like losing control over your life.

Sounds familiar to you?

Emotions have ruined many of my relationships; they have made me react to circumstances in ways I didn't think possible, losing control over myself, even fighting physically against my husband. They have made me lose jobs, partners, money, love and have even created trauma in my kids.

I recently stayed with a dear friend and she was run by her fear of facing life alone. Her husband had left her with a younger woman. The fear was so strong in her, that she reacted, driven by fear, into a suicide attempt. She then got rid of the fear by taking prescribed psychiatric drugs and the fear, the old repressed fear from the past, didn’t go away with medication. It was just calmed down a bit. So she stayed blocked in her condition until she found a way to face her fear, to actually feel it and allow the old emotion to purify. Now she is taking her first steps into a new, independent life.

Emotions can be scary because they are strong energies, usually with many layers of repression. Some of us prefer to not ever face their emotions, because we perceive that these strong energies are just too much for us to bear. We all use different strategies to soothe emerging emotions; some of us overeat, some drink, some party, some have sex as an escape tool, some become workaholics and some sleep to numb the emotion out. Unfortunately there comes a time in our lives when the amount of repressed feelings and sensations is too big and our button gets pressed violently and the upcoming emotion is so strong that we lose control and go into unhealthy behaviours we later regret. I am sure that all of you are able to remember a time in your life when this happened.

Sensations and feelings, on the other hand, are soft and gentle. They come to guide us to our next step; they are our natural navigation system through life. We feel them in the heart (feelings) and sense them on the surface of the body (sensations). Feelings and sensations are born in the present moment. They arise when the right time is there to arise, and don’t stay longer than three minutes in our bodies to be felt. We remain connected to the outer world while they pass through us. We sense them inside and our attention is inside. We can easily communicate and are connected to “the other” when they come. They warn us, like a short flash of fear and power, when a car comes towards us on the wrong side of the road, giving us that short shock you need to wake up and be alert enough to act in this difficult present moment situation.

Knowing all of this, observing ourselves through the jungle of emotions, sensations and feelings, exploring our inner world honestly (please do it, and you will be able to spot the difference very easily in your own experience!) what can we do to change this condition?

First of all, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. It is not your fault that you are filled with unexpressed feelings and sensations; it all happened when you were too small to change this condition. Emotional women are easy to control because they are confused about themselves, they don’t even understand themselves. Keeping people emotionally blocked serves the purpose to create good, mindless consumers. Religion helps with this repression of feelings, by advocating a state of peace and compassion and condemning strong vital feelings like anger and rage.

Forgive yourself. Congratulate yourself that you have read so far into this book and you are now able to take the responsibility for your life back into your own heart and hands. Remember, you are one of the few privileged woman on this planet having access to this wisdom. This is a huge first step.

There is much we can do to purify our bodies from the old emotions. I like the way this process is explained in alchemy – the transformation of lead into gold. Personally, I am convinced that the process I will describe later, the “Emotional Drop-Through”, which I learned from the pioneer of “The Journey Method” and bestselling author Brandon Bays, is the most sacred work we can do as women. In the Donna Divina Process we have gratefully received Brandon’s life-changing teaching and have transformed it into “E- Purification”.

Imagine that your emotions are like heavy lead inside of your body, which keeps you imprisoned, a slave led to react as the lead wants you to react. Imagine that you are now given a key to open your own private “magic studio” where you, every day, transform the lead into gold. Imagine yourself full of shining gold inside, as your life becomes lighter and lighter and your inner richness starts to reflect itself into your outer reality. Imagine how your life transforms with all this gold inside, you are now living in your dream and you shine in every cell of your Being. Your light is so bright that it illuminates the loved ones around you. Just because you took the time and patience to transform lead into gold. Just because you focused on a simple, natural emotional purification process – the E-Purification.

Why is it a simple and natural process?

What I have observed in the many years I lived in nature with lots of animals (dogs, cats, a herd of free living horses, boars, deer, hare, birds and so on) is that animals transform lead into gold all the time. They have not been disconnected from this natural purification process and therefore don’t have emotions. They have sensations and feelings, even though some human beings still think they don’t.

When an animal gets hurt, physically by an accident, or energetically by being refused by the herd or pack, or gets into a fight with strong energy arising, this animal immediately after, moves to a safe area in nature. Dogs go into caves, horses go into the forest, and they separate themselves from the social environment (from the other fellow animals). They stand or lie still, without moving for as long as it needs for the process to complete. Maybe you have seen it happening in your pets- when they get hurt, they retreat; they don’t move, don’t eat, don’t drink and don’t communicate. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes days. They remain in this silent position until the lead (trauma, hurt, suffering) is transformed into gold (sense of wellbeing and strength) and then get up, give their bodies a good shake, stretch and walk back into their herd or pack or life, as if nothing has happened.

If animals can do this, we can too. It’s actually a natural process and as we learn to be honest and truthful to ourselves, we can be in the presence of other women without needing to fake it, we become stiller inside and more relaxed. That’s what we have prepared for in the former chapters. We are now ready to embrace our emotions instead of being driven by them. We are now ready to sit still in the emotion instead of projecting it onto the world. We are now ready to allow the E- Purification to unfold, as we Donna Divinas like to call it, by just opening into the emotion, sitting still with it, allowing it to have its way with us. It’s all about allowing this process to unfold by itself, without interrupting it.

Exercise – E-Purification

This simple and easy-to-do, wherever-you-are exercise will be a huge step towards your freedom.

Whenever you feel an emotion coming up, stop! Instead of speaking, reacting, moving, blaming projecting, just stop. Stop all doing and breathe into the emotion. Sit down with it. Don’t think. Observe it, where is it in the body? Just stay with it without moving for as long as it is there. This might happen many times during the day or just once, or every two days. Trust that how it's happening for you is just perfect. Sit in your emotion without moving.

The hardest thing is remembering to do it, when emotion arises. Congratulate yourself each time you do remember. Write into your Wise Woman’s journal what kind of emotion arises, find names for each emotion, locate where you feel it in the body and become your own observer. Be curious to find what your specific personal emotional cocktail inside is made of, use curiousity to overcome fear (you are getting to know your inner world) and then sit in silence with the specific emotion without moving. Write down all of your realizations and observations. Do it as often as emotion arises. Look forward to a new, emotionally free life.

Song - Lama, care for me! Monique Rhodes

Chapter 11

You are “SHE” already!

"To be human and to walk the human journey is tough, so have compassion."

- Sonia Choquette

Once upon a time a young adolescent girl walked into the forest to find and visit a wise woman, whose fame had spread across the village.

The young girl wondered how she could free herself from all the constrictions she perceived so clearly around her. She was going to be married to one of the villagers; she would then have to become a mother, and take over the household. She couldn’t quiet the uncomfortable feelings that this predetermined future was bringing up in her. She asked for counsel from her mother and aunties, but all of them would just sigh and tell her: “Don’t think too much! This is what life has to offer to a woman. You will enjoy and love being a mother. Just let it go!” Once she even found the courage to go to the village elder and ask him about her condition, about her feelings, about her wondering about the future. The old man looked at her with clear and questioning eyes, mumbling something like: “It’s a shame you weren’t born a man…,” and continued telling her, “My dear daughter, just relax. These questions come up naturally when you are young. You will soon forget about them.”

The girl couldn’t rest. She felt that there must be some answers for her. She just couldn’t imagine her life to be like all the other women’s lives in the village. She had heard many rumors about this wise woman who lived alone in a nearby forest.

So one day she decided to go and find her, hoping to receive an answer from someone really wise.

She entered into the forest. She felt the forest’s aliveness and her spirit of adventure helped her to move forwards through tall trees and new landscapes. She had no idea which way to walk, so she just trusted her intuition. At times she felt tempted to run back to the village, as the hours passed by and there wasn’t a sign of any human existence. She would encourage herself, “come on, have faith, move forward!”

After many hours in the forest, when the daylight started to indicate afternoon shades and just when she was about to turn around and walk home, an old woman appeared in front of her, as if she had freshly materialized without a sound of warning.

Catching her breath, the girl watched the figure in front of her carefully. This woman looked really old, was of small stature and yet very agile, and at the same time her face shone with the light of a young girl. She was startled. The wise woman spoke first: “Welcome!” she said, and the girl felt deep warmth entering her tired body, a deeply nurturing warmth.

“I expected you! Please feel free to ask your questions and I am very happy to answer each one of them!”

The girl opened her mouth and wanted to ask all of her many questions at once, and to her surprise no sound arose at all. The wise woman smiled. “Come with me, let’s drink some tea together so you can sort out your questions and find the most important one first”.

She led the young girl to a beautiful clearing just across from their meeting place. The girl was happy to sit in front of the cozy hut the wise woman lived in.

They quietly sipped on the warm herbal infusion and clarity came onto the girl.

She started to speak: “Of all those questions I brought to ask you, this is the one I need an answer to. I need an answer so badly that I can’t sleep at night, and it has driven me to venture into this forest to find you. The question is – how can I be free?”

The wise woman smiled some more. She came closer to the girl’s ears. Instead of an answer, she whispered:

“Who or what is actually keeping you prisoner?”

The girl wanted to scream and tell her that the villagers were keeping her prisoner, her father and mother were, tradition was, habits were and fear was. But again, no word came out of her mouth. So she just sat there, feeling the question entering her very soul. Yes, who is actually keeping me prisoner?

Night fell and the girl stayed at the wise woman’s hut. She sat silently for several days, interrupting her deep inner inquiry from time to time to help the woman with the daily activities. One morning, at breakfast, the girl spoke.

“No one is keeping me prisoner. I am already free!”

The wise woman nodded in delight.

The girl never went back to the village. She stayed a couple of years with the wise woman before one morning she was moved to travel the country. She lived a happy and fulfilled life, finding true love as well as freedom, living just as she was moved to, day by day.

I am already free. You are already free.

Find out what keeps you imprisoned. The more you “look”, the more you’ll find the truth. We are already free!

I know that for some of us this concept remains just a concept. But it isn’t. It’s the truth. We have never lived in an era where this truth was easier to be found. Where freedom is here, right here, right now, staring into our faces. Where everything we choose is possible. Where we have access to all of the resources we need in very little time.

What is it that keeps you imprisoned? Who is it? Look really deep. The surprising truth will set you free. Actually, you might just find that it’s usually ourselves who prefer to live in a prison of safety instead of simply living the free life that we came here for. The life where She moves us. The life which we (sometimes secretly) really desire. It’s right here, for you to claim, because you are “She” already.

Let’s start to make even more space for Her by claiming inner freedom from emotions first. The key to freeing ourselves from the heavy lead inside, which is one of the causes of living an imprisoned life, chained to the past, is to be present to ourselves, to really wake up to each of our days and nights. Learning to feel and sense again; it is through these expressions of life that we will flow back into our original connection and interconnection. When we don’t feel, we are disconnected from Her, and therefore prefer to crawl back into the prison. We often don’t allow ourselves to feel, because we are scared of the strong emotions. The key is to learn to be open to our emotions again.

It will take some time. We will need to be gentle with ourselves. Fearing emotions has brought us into self-doubt, and some of us are so far out of connection that we don’t trust ourselves anymore. Each woman can do this work only by herself. This is the sacred work to truly reclaim female power, for us to commit wholeheartedly to, each one of us in our own life, on our own and, at times, with the help of other Donna Divinas around us.

Remember, you are not alone. We are all together in this condition and can support each other through the liberation period. We are changing a paradigm, we are trading the emotional woman with the empowered free woman. This time we don’t need an outer revolution; we are in the process of starting the inner one.

Below are some basic guidelines of how you can support yourself and each other towards freedom, towards transformation of the emotion (lead) into free space (gold), when an emotion arises. These guidelines were brought to my attention by the amazing Diana Richardson, who helps couples to live in love again through the groundbreaking work she offers together with her partner Michael in their weeklong “Making Love Retreats”.

First, as the emotion arises, I admit the truth to myself – I am emotional! Maybe my buttons have been pressed, maybe I feel my heart pounding, or my hands sweating, and my breath is fast and shallow, my body shakes and vibrates. And just before I start with the automatic behaviour of projection, blame, mind shatter and fighting, I stop. I admit to myself that I am in the grip of an emotion.

It’s “normal” to be activated into emotion, to enter into the deficiency of the small personality, the “little you”. It happens to all of us; there is nothing to hide, nothing to judge. Negating it is much worse than inviting it, because it prolongs the state. Taking on responsibility for your emotions is a huge step which will eventually lead you into freedom from emotion.

Secondly, I communicate my state to the environment. If I am in a conscious environment, it’s easy to just name it: “I am emotional, I am activated.” If I am in an environment where my truth is likely to be misunderstood, I simple excuse myself. Wherever you are in the world, even in the most important meeting or even on stage (it happened to me once) you can always say: “I am sorry, I need to go to the bathroom.” I left the reality I was activated in and took my own space, away from it all. Just like the wounded animal (as described in the previous chapter), I retreat to lick my wounds, because I don’t want to react in my emotional state, I don’t want to take decisions driven by emotion. I just want to stop everything and take responsibility and care of myself.

Thirdly, I now remain in the emotion. How? By just sitting still and inviting the energy to come and pass through me. If it’s rage, it might shake my body and I will need to hold on to the seat (or the toilet seat if you're in the bathroom!). What I am allowing for is the emotion to “implode” inside of me, without projecting any of it into the outside world. It might need a bit of practice to fully comprehend, and to be able to stop and breathe while the emotion is roaring through, but it’s worth all of it. Instead of allowing the emotion to move us, we stop all movement and let the energy purify itself. The good news is that after the energy has imploded inside of us, we “fall out” of the emotion and directly into our essence – Her. This is what I call a shortcut to freedom and female power. In the Donna Divina Retreats, we experience this process in a supportive, loving embrace.

Usually, after a bit of practice, this process doesn’t take longer than 5-10 minutes. When it has completed itself, I then get up from where I am, feeling free and reconnected, able to communicate, clear enough to take decisions and make actions born from my true self – Her.

This “tool”, which we call E - Purification, if applied in daily life, has the potential to change lives for the better, giving us the space to live life from our true essence, which for women collectively, is love.

The always loving woman … wouldn’t we like to change this sometimes? And so it goes, whatever happens, we just can’t stop loving! Love is our nature!

E- Purification will allow you to meet the challenges and problems of daily life directly from your loving essence, so you can easily bring love where there isn't any right now. It will support you in living a better, more loving reality.

Some women are afraid to face strong emotion. I completely understand, sometimes it feels like it could just kill us. But I promise you, this emotional “death” might just actually be a new birth. This little story might help:

One day I was in a Path of Love Retreat in Cologne, Germany, and in the morning my emotional button got pressed by some news I received connected to my work... I fell into terror. The retreat took place in silence, so I could not speak about how I felt. The terror was very strong. It roared through my body, my hands became ice cold and full of cold sweat, my body trembled and the energy I was containing ran up and down my spine in cold shivers. It was a lot of energy! Emotions are energies which pass through the body to be liberated. I knew this and even though it was hard work, I stayed with this terror for a full hour or more, until it became less intense and finally stopped, leaving me in a peaceful state.

Now, during the lunch break, my buttons got pressed again, this time through receiving surprisingly beautiful news about another work of mine. I was activated in a high energy rush of pure euphoria, an emotion so strong that it was hard to keep quiet and under wraps in this silent retreat. Then it hit me! Observing euphoria I noticed that I had exactly the same symptoms as I did before with the terror – cold hands with cold sweat, shivering body, the strong energy running up and down my spine in cold shivers, so hard to contain. I could not believe what I just observed! I had the exact same physical symptoms but this time I was enjoying feeling the emotion; I had given it a positive name. In the morning I suffered feeling the terror, because I had given it a negative name.

Never before had it be so clear to me that emotions are just energies moving through our bodies, and we are giving them labels and names and according to what we perceive as good or bad. If we stop labeling them, judging them, then we are all just free to feel what is here right now... Energies that are giving us our next clue.

I hope this little story gives you the courage to feel every emotion that comes up no matter how you call it. Maybe you are starting to become even curious about what is stored inside!

Some women don’t feel much in the beginning, and that is okay too. My experience is that as soon we move into a wise woman’s circle, we start to feel safe and united immediately, and this allows for the natural flow of emotions.

Once the emotions are giving space to sensations and feelings again, She (our true nature) rushes into our bodies. This moment is what we have been waiting for, for centuries! It’s such a joy and celebration, it’s so deeply wonderful, and yet so hard to describe.

What do I mean by “She rushes in”?

She rushes in with her female essences, which we will talk about much more in the next chapters (and fully illustrate in chapter 14, Hell - the doorway into paradise), with the nurturing Being you are and have always been. She comes in to inhabit the space that has been liberated. Now you are free to be what and who you are, whatever female essence is there for you right now. It’s this moment where you deeply realize that there is nothing wrong with you, there never has been and never will be. Where you fall back into the flow of your true Her. Where the love you are takes over and the obstacles just fall out of your life.

You are Her already!

Nowhere else to search. Now the lies and limitations (condensed in emotions with all their different outplays, like mind chatter and automatic behaviours) can just get out of the way!

Once you are back in the flow with Her, you won’t be plagued and played by emotions anymore. Instead you will be filled with Her divine essences and you will enjoy each one of them in a most natural way.

There is a vision that “She” is continuing to show to me, when I close my eyes I can see it already manifest. As women we have done so much to fit in- we have worked so hard to be good enough and now we have to do all this emotional work to free ourselves from the past so we can find the truth of our existence, just to claim our female space.

By doing this though, we realize that we are Her already, and that there is nothing missing inside. From this realization that we are already free, I can see female spaces being born everywhere: women uniting in sacred circles, women supporting each other in their women’s wisdom to satisfy all of our needs in this world. Women taking care of our basic needs, such as the need for a healthy body and vital nutrition. A community of women collectively taking care of our children so no one woman needs to feel restricted, overburdened and feels she has to renounce the chance to live her talents. I see women opening their “all female” businesses putting the highest value on female talents; women opening their ”all female” schools and universities; women uniting everywhere on the planet as one powerful, loving She, creating their own “all female” lifestyles. Women gently retreating from politics, religion, and competition in the work place and instead making a difference in their own communities so big that politics is no longer needed. Women stopping to complain about the “bad world” and instead lovingly creating the “new” world. Women changing the financial system into one that guarantee dignity and sufficiency for all. Women creating their own spirituality which is one of love and oneness and doesn’t need institutions. Women bringing the human race back to our nature, back to love and connection. Women patiently, step by step, silently working together as one. Women being so fulfilled inside that their man and men in general are fulfilled as a reflection. Women back in their power, living as Goddesses on Earth. The time is here now. I am so happy to be in it!

Exercise –E-Purification

This is one of the most powerful tools for emotional liberation you will probably come across in your lifetime. The best thing about it is that it works best for women!

There is no mental restructuring needed, no continuous repetition of positive affirmations. There is just the honest truth of what is arising in this moment. It is so simple, so natural, that all you need is to let it happen.

Since you already have gotten a taste in the previous chapter, inviting the emotion and sitting still in it, doing this process now by yourself – or better in the loving company of another Donna Divina – may be really easy. If at any point you feel lost or struggling, just let it go and start again another time.

We have been trained to not allow emotions to be felt, so it takes some time, step by step, to allow the contrary to happen, to allow the full emotion to be felt.

If your feel you are in need of a deeper understanding of this process come to a live Donna Divina Initiation Retreat or connect with one of our Donna Divina Coaches.

The E- Purification works best when you are already activated, and this means when your emotional buttons have been pressed.

If you have a sense that this emotion is too much for you to go through alone, call another Donna Divina to be there with you and hold the space with her presence.

Her presence can be by phone or via skype and it works great; it does not need to be physical. Energy knows no boundaries.

If you do the process in the presence of another wise woman, the only thing this woman is doing for you is to be present. She will not talk or comment or soothe your emotion, she will respect the natural and powerful purification moment you are in and simply be there for you. Her simple presence might make it easier to invite and process even the very strong emotional energies. During the E-Purification, your partner might ask some questions to keep you present and bring your awareness back to your body and your moment. Sometimes the mind has the strong tendency to wander off and start the emotional story (again), and that’s why the presence of a supervising loving woman friend, who has read this book and comprehends this work, is deeply helpful!

Ok, you are emotional! Good! Thank you for admitting it to yourself and for taking responsibility.

Sit down in a place where you can be alone. This can be wherever.

Allow the emotion to be there. Soften your body a little. Breathe into the emotion. Where do you feel it in the body?

Make sure that you are sitting down with your spine in an erect position. This is much better than lying down, walking around, or standing.

Bring all of your awareness to this place in your body and open even wider. Allow the emotion to become even stronger. You have the permission to lose control over your body's movement, so let your body move as it wishes, while it is purifying this old emotional energy. Let the body move you, gently in the sitting position. Remember, you sit still and do nothing. Yes, the body is doing everything while you are sitting still. Or maybe the body doesn't move. Let go of all doing!

Bring all of your attention on and in the emotion. Allow the emotion to become so strong, stronger than ever before, just let its energy run free. If the emotion is gentle and comes and goes, that’s okay too. Just be with it, observe it, invite it, as if it was your long awaited guest. And even though you might not really like this guest, know that it is here for your freedom. Invite all of the emotion, all the times you have felt like this before, even when you were a young girl.

Stay with it.

When and if the emotion changes, just ask yourself, what is here now? If you have a name for it, name it. If not, just describe it best you can.

This whole process is about feeling what is here right now. Soften your mind, while you allow your body to relax. Allow your mind to help you by finding names for the emotion and reporting any changes. Stop your mind when it starts to tell a story about the emotion, remind yourself to just feel it physically. Observe the emotional energy move.

You might find that the emotion changes and goes through different emotional layers, or you might just continue to feel the same energy the whole time. Trust the process. If tears come, cry; if laughter comes, laugh, but remember to contain the energy.

Whenever you come to an empty space or feeling, stay there also. You are “done” with E- Purification when you feel connected to your essence again. If might take a short time, or a longer time, and it might take you through several layers of emotions or just some. Once you “fall out” of the emotional body- the emotion has liberated itself - you might feel spaciousness, lightness, love or any other gentle or beautiful feeling. That is the sign that you have successfully imploded the emotion. Wait until this happens. Then you congratulate yourself (or each other, if you are going through E- Purification in presence of a wise woman), and thank yourself for the amazing free woman you are. Rest for a while in this beautiful freedom and enjoy before going back to the activity of life.

Thank you for allowing yourself to come home to Her!

Song - Adishakti, Snatam Kaur, (the celebration of the Goddess)

Now that you got a good taste of how She feels when she comes back into your body, it’s time to celebrate and gently move on. Having tasted Her inside, your own direct experience of Her will easily give you enough drive to be wanting more of Her… and to jump right into Her! Are you ready? Ok let’s turn the pages and move on!

Chapter 12

Step 3 - Jump into Her

How?

She is you, already!

But you don’t believe this, of course.

Beliefs, traditions, filters, ideas,
protections and robotic blindness,
faintly remembered as your ego,
block the sight.

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, so far away that the memory is but a faint sigh lost in the fogs of the past, all human beings were one... connected to, living, vibrating and breathing with Mother Earth and thriving under the gentle guidance of Father Sky.

This is a version of the “Oneness State” that many of us are all still longing for. Every once in a while, we dream of this; every once in a while, this distant vision appears in our consciousness. The paradise as described in most religions. Our origin, and our destiny. Somehow lost, forever lost.

Instead of living in paradise, today most of us are suffering in a world of separation, in a reality of individuals run by “may the strongest win” motto. We are thinking our way through this life, and it’s fun at times when all seems to go well. And then it’s hell again and we kind of give up inside and become complacent with this state of affairs… let’s just say, we are used to it now— it's been centuries or millennia that we're in it.

Most of us are so familiar with this state of the world that we take it for granted. We start to believe that this is the only way, that this is the only possibility. Our vision doesn't go beyond the tip of our nose.

But there is another way of being, readily available for whoever is ready to jump in.

The price to pay for the ticket to get there, for the train going straight to paradise on earth, into this oneness state of being while living in this complicated and fast paced world, is to wake up.

You know that you are ready to pay this price when the longing to be free and awake is stronger than the thousands arms of Maya, the grand illusion. If you have followed me into this chapter, I am sure that you are ready.

The possibility of “waking up” today is higher and more available than ever before in the story of humanity. This energy, charged together with the pressure generated by the emergency state of Mother Earth, is so high that the good news is: we won’t need to sit in caves for 30 years or more to wait for enlightenment to happen.

There are a multitude of so-called “light workers” on the Earth now: amazing, conscious, loving beings who are passively and actively working on a consciousness-shift. We are not alone.

Even more importantly, there are women all over the world, jumping back into Her, even while you are reading these lines.

Jumping into Her and waking up for me are two words describing the same thing. I am forever grateful for Her call home.

Are you ready for the “Essence Jump”?

Are you ready to jump through the thickest fog, into the emptiest of voids, alone or with a little help from your vigilant friend, armed with a good, hearty amount of patience?

She is stretching out Her infinite arms with longing, such deep longing, to hold you again, united as One!

This chapter is about dismantling the identity of who you are not: the ego, identity, the conditioning, the persona, the illusion (call it as you wish). And to come right out of the rigid “who you thought you have to be” into “who you are really”. The previous chapters have prepared you well. You are ready.

Are you doubting? Of course, you might be. Doubt, Fear and Anxiety is the nature of the mind. The mind is designed to keep you in the comfort zone, or let’s say it with stronger words: the mind is designed to keep you asleep.

The mind does not want you to jump into Her. The moment She takes the throne, the mind will become a servant. Would you like to give up your CEO Position to become a janitor? Of course not. You’d do whatever it takes to hold on to the comfort and safety of what you already know.

So does the mind. And so does the female mind. Even though as women it’s not as strong an obstacle as it is for men. The sweet female mind is quite happy to surrender quickly. Her call is “known”, familiar, and can be accessed through Women’s Wisdom which comes from a different part of our reality than the mind.

The totally great and amazing news it that every women has easy access to Women’s Wisdom, which resides in the belly area of our body, where there is a huge, invisible, well-hidden gateless gate – or better - portal.

We have cleared out the emotion from this area in the previous chapters, so that pristine clarity rush in and greatly enhance the possibility of the portal to open at any minute.

If you are still emotional at this point, or while reading now, please go back to the “E- Purification”. Continue to apply the E- Purification until you have become the Queen of your emotions. Only then is the portal ready to be jumped through.

E - Purification might take some time. It depends on how much repressed emotion has been stored in your cells. Sometimes it takes many years. There is no formula. Waking up and jumping into Her can also happen as quickly as a millisecond, in an instant.

You might be thinking now, “Well, this is going to take me a whole lifetime, so I might as well just stop right here. Yeah, it has worked for her, and for some other few chosen ones, but I don’t even understand what she is talking about here and I certainly don’t have the time to do E- Purification every day and I still did not fully comprehend how it works anyway”.

And more blah blah blah. So just quickly inquire: Who is thinking these thoughts?

Who is thinking these or other thoughts right now?

Take your time to find out.

Please write down what is revealed and if you wish email me when you have found the answer.

I can only share with you what I have.

I jumped into Her and I facilitated the jump into Her for hundreds of other women so far and I am praying for the privilege to be able to help other hundreds of thousands of women jump into Her, and eventually open this opportunity to all women on the planet. This is what SHE wants.

The divine work is yours to be done. Yours only. No one can wake up for you. No one can jump into Her for you. This is up to you and only you.

Most women never even take the first step. Let alone the jump. For you it is different. You are starting to burn, inside your organs or on your skin. You are starting to perceive the energies in the words. You are starting to “get it” – starting to feel Her.

So if you have read this book up until this point, and you have read without engaging in the exercises, just for some distraction, information or new points of view, this is your moment of choice. Do you seriously want to jump into Her or would you prefer to remain who you thought you were before starting this book?

It’s up to you and only you!

Do you feel Her call?

Are you serious about waking up?

Ok, then start your journey now. Do all the previous exercises described in the book seriously, with intention. Every single one of them. Be with them as long as it takes. Waking up doesn’t work under stress. You cannot rush through it. You can’t even “do” it. It does you. She is calling you, not you Her. Relax, and do the divine work.

The live Donna Divina Initiation Retreats are designed to focus on the divine work, together. Entering into Her space together is a powerful accelerator. Joining a live retreat might become a necessary step for you if can’t get it done alone. I have seen all kinds of miracles happen during these retreats. They are truly limitless. They are a condensed female awakening forum.

There is this very cleverly designed “Maya” which is like a fire-proof illusion cell, keeping you prisoner. It’s simple and natural to see through the veil of Maya. And it takes a strong call from Her to do so.

It also takes energy to wake up! Without giving the divine work priority, without doing it, without focusing on yourself, without taking the time out for you, without energy, you will simply remain untransformed. It does take energy to be “fit” enough for the jump into Her, as much as it takes energy to run a marathon, just a different kind of energy. For example, if you can’t get yourself to actually do the exercises or if you can’t get yourself to take a cold shower, do you really expect to be ready for the jump into the unknown - Her?

It’s time to decide. Are you ready to jump into Her?

The Donna Divina process described in this book is the map, and as you know and have heard before, the map is not the territory. The journey is yours to be taken, and every long journey starts with the first step. Every journey is unique. But you must do the walking. It’s your journey!

This journey gains momentum if done in the company of other open-hearted women; this is where the whole magic lies. The energy created by the presence of two or more women united in an open heart together is unique and powerful; it is beyond explanation.

You may have read something similar in the Bible where Jesus speaks to his disciples and says, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the middle of them.”

We can say that where two or more women are united in the name of love and freedom, Divine love and freedom will be there. It has been said by many spiritual masters: “The western woman will enlighten the world.” The Dalai Lama said it this way: “The world will be saved by the western women.”

Let’s take this opportunity into our hearts and hands. Let’s just ride the wave of healing and enlightenment that is sweeping the planet - the female way. It’s about taking a decision and receiving Her.

It’s simple, which doesn’t mean it’s easy. But together nothing can stop us.

So let’s get started.

Exercise – Inquiry with another woman

Jumping into Her is simple, because you are Her. We need to sweep away whatever part of you that still doesn’t believe, that part that resists, or sabotages, or blocks you. Then She will rush in. The way I know to do this is by self-reflection, also called self-inquiry. Find out who or what is resisting and keeping you small. Find out what is in the way. Use your sweet woman’s mind to look truthfully at what is happening inside.

Further on, I suggest a couple of self-inquiry exercises. They are powerful, at times powerful enough to allow Her to rush in and take the throne. At times it may need more. Take them as a suggestion, a first step. I encourage you to take the step. Just do it! After you have got a taste, it might well be that self-inquiry becomes a new way of life for you. It’s fascinating to look at yourself. Observing yourself is enough, to set you free. Just be still and observe. It’s so simple that it becomes complicated again, because we make it complicated. We resist the possibility that a simple inquiry into our self could be the easy tool to wake up.

The following self-inquiry is done best with another woman that you fully trust and are connected to. We have already “set the stage” for this in the chapter, “The saviour isn’t coming anymore”; now it’s really time to come together with another Donna Divina and do the divine work.

If you are in a really isolated situation, and maybe you have tried everything to find a “Jump into Her” partner, you might start your awakening journey alone, inquiring by yourself, speaking the answers to the questions out loud and then writing them down.

But I want to be crystal clear. It is highly recommended to do this work in the presence of another Donna Divina. Why? At this point you need a mirror. Maya, the illusion, is very smart. You cannot believe a word you are saying, you cannot trust your emotions, as only the truth will set you free. You cannot even believe your story of pain and suffering, or your story of joy. Observe everything that comes out of your mouth and what you feel in your body and heart. What is true will be revealed. The road to the truth is easier if you look in a mirror while inquiring into it. Our sweet mind has the tendency to deceive, to cheat and to run from the truth.

Yes, our sweet mind, is just full of crap because it has been filled by someone who is dormant. We are now in the process of cleaning it up. The mind in itself is a very beautiful container of pristine clarity, and very useful when you need to find your car keys.

Allow yourself to be surprised by your own words and your own discoveries. Allow the words to flow out of you, observe them, feel them ,taste them. You are about to enter into Her and to jump, and you need to uncover what keeps you from jumping.

Speak the full truth of your own experience. As you already have discovered, the truth is a potent instrument for creating more freedom inside of you, and we are trained to keep “our stuff” hidden inside and pretend that everything is working well. There are very few opportunities to become real and speak the truth about our experience in this woman’s body. This is one of these opportunities. The following inquiries go deep if you allow them to. Showing yourself as you are, speaking from your own direct experience, from what is really happening for you in this intimate place only you have access to, has the power to bring light into these hidden places inside. It has the power to realize new points of view, to show previous problems and blocks in a completely different dimension. Sometimes it’s already enough to reveal the hidden zones inside of ourselves and the problem or block vanishes, leaving your inner world for good and thus changing your outer world immediately. All of Her power resides inside. Sometimes our complicated conditionings have created lids and locks, so that we don’t even know what is living inside anymore, or what the truth of our experience is. We might touch on confusion and half-truths. Know that all is welcome here.

There is a saying, “Freedom and exposure are two wings of the same bird”. These words are sacred to me, and they help me to remember that exposing my direct experience is the road to freedom. When I truly show my hidden and maybe dark places inside, I actually allow the light to stream in. It’s when I keep them locked and unexplored that I leave the power to continue to rule my life in “their hands”.

Come together with your partnering Donna Divina on a fixed date and hour, and honor your appointment. This inquiry will take you around one and a half hours to two hours. Choose a place where you are alone and undisturbed: it might be in your female temple space which you have already created. Create space for Grace before you get started.

You might listen to the introduction on the audio once both of you have settled and you are ready.

Sit down together in a comfortable position and become silent. Look into each other’s eyes. Really see the woman in front of you. Honour her beautiful presence with your eyes, soft eyes, eyes full of light embracing each other’s without physically touching, giving warmth and recognition without needing to speak a word.

Now breathe together. Take a long deep breath at the same rhythm and let it out again. Just sit there, eyes connected and breathing 3- 4 times in synchrony. Allow any feeling, sensation to be here, even the uncomfortable ones. Stay with them and open even more. Sit and be and breathe and look into these beautiful eyes. Relax and soften your body.

Then decide who will ask the question first and who will answer to the question. It’s important that you are clear on this. The woman who asks the question, just make a sign through your body language, raising your hand or any other sign. Thank you.

If you are the one who asks, ask the question again and again. Give 10 minutes to the woman answering to just speak and answer. Don’t comment, just be present with her and give her all the space. Allow the Donna Divina in front of you to truly explore her answers, allow yourselves to be surprised, maybe words will flow out of her mouth which neither of you expected. When she becomes silent, just ask the question again, to help her to get in touch with deeper parts of her Being. If no words come, sit together in silence until it’s time to switch. Don’t switch before the full ten minutes are over. Allow the Donna Divina in front of you all of her space. Remember to keep thanking Her.

So the first question is: What do I need? What are my needs right now? What is really necessary for me?

(Give 10 min)

Now it’s time to switch, the woman who has asked the question before will be exploring and speaking now.

(Give 10 min)

Thank you!

Now switch back again and move on to the next question of this inquiry:

How have I cheated myself in the past or present? How have I not lived up to what I needed to be, do or have? How have I neglected my needs?

(Give 10 min)

Switch again.

(Give 10 min)

Thank you!

Take a nice deep breath in and stretch your body, you might want to stand up and move around for a minute or two. It’s a good idea to move our bodies right now, so stand up, dance (you might want to put some music on) or just shake, move or stretch in silence.

Great! And now sit down together again, connect to each other, take another nice deep breath in and move to the next question of this inquiry:

How did I play the role of the victim? When did I feel like a victim? Am I a victim right now? Where in my life am I playing the role of the victim?

(At times we use this pattern to gain something, or to manipulate a situation, or to justify our powerlessness. The question here is not if I have played the role of the victim, the question is how. How did I play this game? How did I sell out, keep myself small, give my power away?)

(Give 10 min)

Switch again.

(Give 10 min)

Thank you!

Take a nice deep breath in and now switch back to the woman who started and move on to the next question of this self-inquiry.

How did I control? How do I control others, situations, circumstances?

(Again, ask deeply. We all use the control game, either to control ourselves, or the people, animals, plants, things around us. So don’t ask yourself, if you played the control game, ask yourself how. How did I manipulate to achieve what I wanted, how did I control with my strong capacity to keep everything under control? How did I control my partner or husband, my kids, my friends, my work, my colleagues, the washing, the dishes, the dog, the cat, myself? How do I still control myself?)

(Give 10 min)

Switch again.

(Give 10 min)

Thank you! Take a moment to thank each other, with a nod, a hug, a hand sign, whatever feels appropriated to you both now.

Then ask yourself:

What did I discover about myself in this past hour and half? What are the biggest lessons I learned? What do they mean to me?

Take another 5 minutes to freely share, one woman speaking, the other listening and also sharing, in conversation.

(After 5 min put chime on audio recording)

Thank you!

Great, I am so curious about what you have discovered. If you feel like it, just share it with me on the website www.donna-divina.com. Maybe you have already found access to so much more freedom and seen clearly how we are all in the same boat!

Ok, we are done for today. Without further talking, honour each other by saying good bye now, leaving the sacred space for Grace and allowing the divine work to move deeper now, and simply get up and remain connected to your inner world. It’s good to actually finish the work here and do something else. Keep your eyes soft, allowing them to continue to look inside during the rest of day and night. Write in your Wise Woman’s Journal, whatever else surfaces for you. Continue the inquiry and observation of yourself all the time.

And relax, drink lots of water and go for a walk. You are jumping into Her, She is calling you home, and She is taking care of your timing. Just relax.

So, how did the self-inquiry work for you? How do you feel inside now?

Usually there is much more inner space available and joy, happiness and peace arrive. This might be the case for you or you might feel more emotions coming up, because now you have actually opened the lid and put a flashlight onto your inner world. If there is a big mess happening here, it might require more de-cluttering. Use the E-Purification and the self-inquiry as potent tools to continue your own divine woman’s work.

We are now ready to truly jump into Her, so She and you become one. Whenever you feel excited about taking yet another step, move into the next chapter.

Thank you for doing the divine work. I bow to you!

Song- Man! I feel like a Woman, Shania Twain

Chapter 13

Seeing through the veil

“I am One with the sofa and the pillows, the sunshine and the wind. One with darkness and pain. One with my story, as long as I choose to be. One with impotence and power. One with a lifelong and eternal game. So why not just sit back, relax and enjoy the show?”

I was vibrating with grief. I felt so homesick, so lonely I was sure that this strong emotion would certainly shatter my body or break my mind into a million pieces or stop my heartbeat. Yes, I was sure; this was the time I was going to die of grief, pain and isolation.

What a paradox. I felt the ground under my feet, it was the earth of paradise. I felt the warm presence of my loving friend beside me. I was watching a scene of such rare and breathtaking natural beauty that it equaled an exquisite masterpiece of art.

Bali, the island of love. The sunset merging with wild ocean waters. Pristine holiday season all around, the little huts of the tourist village shining in the last rays of the evening sun, the singing of some Balinese girls sounding like angel’s tunes.

What was wrong with me?

I wanted to come here. I wanted to study with the happiness master. I did everything I could to make this a reality!

The pain in my chest grew stronger. A suffocated scream could not birth itself from my throat. A single, small, seemingly weak tear left my eye, one eye only. There was not enough free water for two eyes. My skin felt dry and desert-like, burning in a fever so high that even the thermometer got concerned.

Inside of me it literally felt like a pressure cooker. I hated everything around me, the moist climate, the poverty in the midst of great riches, the littered beaches, the daylight hours equaling the nights, the discipline and drill of the ashram, the smell and sounds and the always smiling people. I wanted to go home, a home I thought I’d find on a dream island and didn't. But it wasn't my hometown that I was looking for either. So where exactly was the home I wanted to go back to? The longing was so strong; I felt like a four year old girl who just lost her parents and siblings.

I then remembered. I knew this longing very well. Since I was about 6 years old, I have been looking for home.

Yet, no one knew about this. I had kept it a secret, even to myself. I smiled and laughed, played and participated in the ashram activities. I visited friends, played at the beach. I helped others. I worked. I functioned normally on the outside.

Until today. I couldn't pretend one second longer. My friend smiled at me, “What a beautiful sunset! I am in awe!”

There and then it happened. I did not smile back. I imploded. Everything went dark, and the inner volcano violently erupted. My body stopped functioning – or so it felt. I let myself go. It felt like falling. Shivers ran all over me. I lost control. I felt it all, such grief, such pain, such hatred, such miserable darkness, all of which had been locked in forgotten zones I never had access to before. I could not do anything about it.

She had called me home.

This moment felt as long as eternity, if there was a way to adequately describe the loss of time perception. The whole process probably did not last longer than a couple of minutes. People around me did not notice anything happening at all.

When I opened my eyes, I looked right into the Balinese sky. It was as beautiful as before. Only it wasn’t real anymore. I reached for it with my outstretched hand. My hand passed through the sky, as if it was a curtain. The curtain fell. I saw the beyond. It was empty and peaceful, like an empty white screen.

My hand wasn’t real. It didn’t exist behind the curtain. Peace streamed in. I noticed that my heart was beating. I started to laugh out loud.

I was seeing through the veil. There was nothing there, just pure ‘being-ness’. Impossible to describe, but always available to be noticed because I know it is always here.

My friend laughed with me. We hugged and went to enjoy our dinner. We both knew what had happened. Not a word more was needed.

Would you say that this was a special experience? Maybe. I don’t think so. It was a very natural process and I would even call it a spontaneous E- Purification. This is what I am showing here: this is what happens once we clear the clutter out of our inner world. The resistance to allow blocks and repressed emotion to come up and through can be strong. The more we resist, the harder it gets.

I used to resist big time. Holding on to my little safe version of this world for dear life. That’s why it was harder for me to allow Her in, to actually jump into Her. I have seen many women take a more effortless journey.

Seeing through the veil was not just one solitary experience for me. I continue to see through it. Although I am a completely ordinary woman and participate fully in life in this body, I still continue to see through the veil. Although I play my part as a person, a mother, a wife, a writer and seminar leader, and so on, so forth, I can see that all of those roles are not real.

I actually enjoy the game of life much deeper today! The roots I am growing into Mother Earth are healthy, more steady, more silent.

So, now it’s your turn to see through the veil. I am sure there already have been moments in your life when you did.

She, the real female essence, is living you all the time just like She is living me. Her access, Her energies, Her essences are there, patiently waiting to be re-invited, re-cognized (to be known, again). The nurturing essence of Her can’t stream into you as long as the portal is cluttered. Once you clean it up, the portal opens by itself.

You cannot force the portal open; you can’t even open it, it will open by itself when the time is right. You can do a lot of work around the portal, and this is the divine work the Donna Divinas do.

The portal is just a metaphor as is the cleaning up around it. In truth there is no portal. No separation from Her truly exists. In the state woman generally is in today, it would seem like there is one. That’s why we are needing some cleaning equipment and at times even some more potent tools, like hammers, dynamite and supersonic speed vacuum cleaners. She is calling us home, remember, so She uses those tools on us, sometimes they come in the form of accidents, losses, illnesses, foreclosures, deaths, abortions, separations – you name it. Just strong wake up calls, wanting us to come home.

So, how is life beyond the veil? It’s full of freely-moving, always-welcomed female essences. These essences are states of being, ever-changing, sweet or forceful energies using our bodies to create the game of life. They are gentle, strong, black and white, powerful and vulnerable, sometimes like storms, sometimes like pure nothingness. Once the portal is open, they just flow effortlessly through this woman’s body creating the symphony of a fulfilled, happy and amazing life.

Meeting thousands of women around the world I have noticed that each one of them knows. This wise knowing-beyond-knowledge that She is everything, that She embodies the whole of creation. That she cannot even understand herself, because She is so vast. That She is ever changing, transforming, magical, potent and mystical. That She does not have words to express her immensity.

Then she forgets. Woman becomes the conditioned robot again, full of problems and frustrations. The emotionally-driven, sometimes hysteric woman. The male super- woman, or the seducer, the frustrated mother, the nonexistent supporter. The one that depends on others and has no voice of her own.

When she jumps into Her and gets a glimpse of who is truly living her, the remembering cannot be held back any longer. A glimpse of the other side. What is true, what is real? The contours behind the veil vanish- there are no opposites, there are no more questions.

She then enters the magical, unpredictable, never to be comprehended world of the female essence, of woman, wildness and magic, death and rebirth, eternal love; the fast spinning wheel of life, and without understanding, she is.

Woman is all of creation embodied.

Female Essence vs Emotion

Female essences – containing everything, being everything, embodying everything, living life in freedom, allowing them to come through, to be, to soar, without doubt, without judgment, without questioning anything. When She lives us, the experience of life is smooth, integrated, simple and effortless. We are whatever we are in each moment. No excuses needed. We literally go with the flow.

Essences are whatever they are and they last as long as they last and then they change again. There is no need for constancy, or attachment for any form of being.

The essences are not always pretty, as our mind has the tendency to think. They can come through very strongly, powerfully. They can say no. They might look like anger, power, leadership, or different, uncompromising to the eyes of a judging mind. One thing is for sure though– they always want the best for every living being on the planet.

Allowing Her into you with all of her myriads of essences and expressions means to live a very expansive life, where everything is possible, where you allow yourself to be whatever form you are, in each moment. You can be the loving mother and housewife and the crazy, dancing, power bundle. You can be the love making queen and the lazy beach bum. Whatever is here for you now.Just going with the flow. Let Her live you.

There are no practices required, no routine, knowing whatever needs to happen will happen. Your talents, which in truth are Her talents, will come to the surface; you will live your life’s purpose without even having to dig for it. You are being everything, as simple as it is. Whatever is aligned with you right here, right now.

On the other hand, it might just be that there are confusing emotions and that we are driven unconsciously by our emotional state. So how can we know if we are living the essence or the emotion?

It is really simple. Emotion has a specific place in the body where it can be sensed. The essences are everywhere.

When there is emotion, there is separation. There is a woman who wants something, and she wants it her way. There is effort and fatigue, conflict, arguing, closed doors and walls. The body is tense, and the mind is thinking a lot and quickly.

This is the state we used to be in mainly, plagued by emotions. Living up to ideas of how we have to be. Becoming hysteric, sick and unhappy. Emotions are the clutter which keep the portal to Her locked. This is why cleaning up the mess our ancestors have left in us, is divine work. It can actually become fun too! And we are so privileged to have the opportunity to do this inner work and live as Her.

What if an emotion is so deeply blocked that you can’t get access to it? The cloud cover is so thick that Maya, the illusion, is winning and you give up on yourself and the whole longing to be a Donna Divina. It can feel easier to just give up.

Well, there are no formulas here. Being present to yourself, observing, inquiring, sharing, cleaning through E – Purification will eventually bring you to that space inside of you, where the access had been denied before. Just relax and be here. This is enough.

I remember the first time I noticed that there were strange things going on inside of me. I was around 25 and was studying to become a Western horse riding instructor. It was a time in my life where I wanted to be better man, to feel safe and protected , and so I lived on male energy mostly. We had been together in our little study group for a full year and we were just about to do the final exam which would grant us the certification. The exam was difficult and many of us would not be able to pass it. There was a lot of nervousness around.

The exam lasted for two full days, and there were practical parts on the horse and also a theoretical part. Our group was made up of 12 men and 2 women. During the afternoon of the first day, the other woman who was a few years younger than me was suddenly taken to hospital because she had suffered a spontaneous abortion while riding.

When the day was over, we decided as a group to go to visit her. I was surprised to notice that it did not even cross my mind to pay her a visit.

When we entered the hospital room, I froze right there in the doorway. I looked at this scene of all these Western riders, all these men, hugging her, wishing her well, being compassionate and I just felt ugliness, judgment, ice-cold separation. I hated myself for judging the woman in the hospital bed. I could not find a milligram of compassion in my heart. All I could hear were my thoughts telling me: “How dare she give up now? She had almost made it and now she allows a simple spontaneous abortion to get in the way? How can she be so weak? Get out of the bed and get back on the horse and do it, for Christ’s sake! It’s a shame for all of us, having one weakling giving up on us.” Listening to my mind I froze even more. I clearly got the message that there certainly was something wrong with me. I became aware, for the first time after a long sleep, that it was clearly time for change. I realized that my heart was frozen. I didn't realize it was happening for I was just so busy creating what I wanted.

There is a huge difference between what I want and what She wants. The more we become crystallized in the not-Her, the “I”, the more painful life becomes. I was very far away from Her at this time.

So where are you? How is your life really? Did you jump into Her already? If not, you now have all the tools and support you could ever need.

Continue to allow Her in more and more, whatever She wants for you is for your best. Even noticing that there might be deeply blocked emotion is a blessing.

Something I hear in some of the many amazing teachings about female healing is the concept of “balance” between the male and female energies inside each woman - to live a harmonious life.

Certainly we do have access to both male and female energies inside of us. This is great. Although I must humbly confess that needing to create balance between them inside is not my direct experience. On the contrary, I became free and happy when I allowed Her to stream in and live me. There is not much balance in the flow with Her: it’s like the weather- one day it’s cloudy, then stormy, then sunny and warm, then very extremely adventurous. Or with the seasons… changing ever faster and very unpredictable.

I became free when I started to live my life the female way and allowed the female essences to express themselves through me. For me it was not about balancing the male and female energies. It was and is about women living in female energies, and men living in male energies. Then the bodies are healthy and the rest of us is happy. And then the magnetic attraction between us is strong and fulfilling.

Come and see for yourself. All of the answers lie inside anyway, as I am sure you have noticed by now. You are Her already!

Exercise – Clearing the entrance of the portal

The following exercise is designed to jump into Her even deeper and allow you to see through the veil.

Let’s begin with a ritual, a little ceremony of clearing the inner clutter and cleaning the portal inside. This ritual can be done on your own or in the company of another Donna Divina. You will need your Wise Woman’s Journal, a pen, a candle and lighter, a stainless steel pot or a fireplace with real fire. The ritual takes between 30 minutes to 2 hours, it depends entirely on how deep and long you wish to go. A good idea is to take out 2 hours of your schedule, and even if you are done with the exercise in just 30 min, there is plenty of space for Her to stream in even stronger.

Find a sacred space where you can be undisturbed and feel safe.

Before you get started, put some dancing music on, and move your body as she wants to be moved.

Allow yourself to connect with your body, feeling the feet on the ground, the legs, the hips and then the belly, the back, moving up to the shoulders, chest, neck, face, head, all of your divine woman’s body.

Take a deep breath and sigh it out strongly again, even more strongly. Relax all of your body and then just allow the body to move as She wishes to. Trust Her and just move with the music.

Now gently stop the movement, very sweetly and softly. Don’t make it an abrupt mechanical stopping, but a very conscious shift from movement to no-movement, allowing the body herself to find a still place, staying with all of your presence inside of your body, feeling Her.

Wonderful!

Stand quietly for a minute or two, just sensing, perceiving and being. Check your jaw, see if there is tension there and open the lips a little bit, letting go of all holding. Just relax now.

Now gently take a deep breath and sit down. Prepare your wise woman’s journal with a free open page and have the pen ready. Closing your eyes now and inquiring deeply into yourself, asking:

What am I ready to give up in my life? What is there in my life I don’t need anymore? Are there any old behaviours I am ready to let go of? Are there any relationships I am holding on to, despite the fact that I know that they have already completed themselves and are just a heavy weight to carry around? What else am I ready to say goodbye to, which doesn’t serve me anymore? Friendships, ways of thinking, ways of dealing with things, patterns, items in my house, things I never use, possessions which I don’t need anymore and don’t take care of? What is there in my life I really want to give away, give over to the fire of truth? What is there I really want to get rid of, that I know I need to leave behind?

Then opening your eyes gently and allowing the pen to write, letting it flow, whatever wants to be written down, let it come.

Great, now close your eyes again, and relax all of your body, muscles, micro-muscles and ask yourself:

What part of my story am I ready to let go of? We all have big stories about ourselves, how we are, what we are good at, what our weaknesses are, how right we are about our opinions and rules, about other people, about the world, the work, everything. Really relax and ask yourself again, what part of my story as this person, this mother, this wife, this whatever role you are currently playing, am I ready to let go of? What would make me actually feel better, without this story? Sometimes we are attached to a story of suffering, pain and limitation in our life. A story that we are not good enough, that we are ugly, small, too tall, too young, too old, too stupid, whatever---- that we will never make it, that we don’t know, that this is not for us… what is your story which doesn’t serve you anymore? Which part of the story are you ready to let go of?

Open your eyes and let the pen reveal what is coming up right now and right here.

Amazing work! Well done! You might feel lighter already, just be becoming aware of some of the clutter. Remember, you are allowing the divine cleaning work to be done here! This is a huge step. Congratulations!

Now look back through the pages in your Wise Woman’s Journal, and go back to the Story in your Woman’s body, which you had written in there some chapters ago (if you didn’t write anything so far, just go back to Chapter 8- The Truth). Read it through again. Which part of this story are you ready to let go of, to offer to the cleansing and transforming fire you are about to light? Take all the time you need here. Really allow yourself to go deep, to inquire deeply. Maybe you even wish to add some parts of your story in this woman’s body which you didn’t write about in the first place and you are really, really ready to clean out of your system.

Once you have identified everything you are ready to tidy out of your inner world, to let go of definitely, you can now cut or rip these pages out of your Wise Woman’s Journal, leaving blank, open, white space again.

If possible, light a real fire in your fireplace. Make it a ritual, be present with yourself while lighting it. Put music on or sing your favourite song as you prepare the fire. Maybe you can even light a little campfire in your garden. If none of this is available to you, simply light a candle and put the pot of stainless steel in a safe position.

Now, feel the pages in your hands. Close your eyes and allow your consciousness to open and become spacious and wide. You might want to whisper a prayer to yourself, or to Grace, or to the universe, or God or the Goddess, whatever feels right for you. A letting go prayer. Feel the joy of letting go, of offering up all of this inner clutter to the purifying fire.

Then, consciously and with all of your presence observing, take one piece of paper after the other, light it on the candle and carefully see it burn to ashes in the pot, or throw it into the fireplace. Feel the relief of witnessing the transformation of what does not serve you anymore into nothingness. Proceed like this with all of your pages.

Once every piece of paper has been transformed, take a moment to sit quietly around the fire and candle, breathing into the light, allowing the light to fill you up. Stay as long as you like, you might even feel the impulse to dance around your fire in celebration of your greatness, of your jump into Her!

Congratulations! Now there is so much more space inside of you to let her in… well done!

A good practical idea for the next few days is to also physically go through your home again and clear out, throw away, give away items that don’t serve you anymore. Our physical homes are an extension of our inner homes.

The following song is a great piece of music to play now, right after your ritual.

Song – All of Nature, Sarah Warwick

Then, after some well-deserved rest and integration, turn the page and let’s face the (maybe) last thing, which keeps you separated from Her…

Chapter 14

Step 4 – Hell, the doorway to Paradise

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

- Marianne Williamson

There is one ever-present companion, mostly kept under wraps and well-hidden, one who is actually a very good friend and partner of our journey into Her. His cold hands carry stardust of eternity, his smile is an accelerator to bring us back from where we came from, and of course, he is imagined as a male presence - yes, it is death I am talking about.

Let’s invite the reality of death here today, and let’s invite a compassionate “Mother Death”, consciously and lovingly.

It is a given fact that we are going to die. Yet usually we block this reality quite artfully out of our consciousness, and play the game of eternal living. It’s like everything is more important than the omnipresent knowing that today could be our last day, that this woman will disappear, be no more, gone with the wind. “Death might happen to my neighbour, but I am immune” is a common avoidance game. I am not saying that you are playing it, but I am sure that you have seen it being played, because it is a socially accepted, collective way to deal with death – we just completely avoid the subject.

Are you ready to open the door to the shadow realm inside? Maybe we'd meet some long forgotten acquaintances, somehow imprisoned inside, like our fears, our worst fear, terror even, arm in arm with death. Maybe we'll meet hatred, rage, frustration, injustice, trauma even, if you’d like to call it so; or maybe we'll come across the fogs of depression, the cold valleys of judgment; we can meet the bitchiness, the jealousy, the horror as well, all the monsters of your childhood, violence, abuse; maybe we'll even come across the victim, the perpetrator, the murderer and the abuser…

So what if you’d stop right here and now, stop any doing any pretending, and just invite Mother Death in?

Ask yourself, what if I open to the truth of my life once more, sitting or standing here, looking death into the eye, and into the reality that this life will end, how would that truly make me feel?

I invite you to pause here for a moment, to look inside of yourself and perceive the truth.

So, what did you discover? Does it feel more urgent now to clean up your life, to complete what needs completion and become who you are? Are you ready to release your inner prisoners? Would being forgiving, loving and present be easier now? Would your life change? Would you give yourself time for the more essential things in life, like love, connection, contribution and creation and would you stop wasting time? Would you have enough inner drive now, to meet your deepest darkest shadows and live as an expression of the most beautiful Woman of Light, the Donna Divina that you are? Would you prefer to live this life fully in all its greatness and stop to postponing this step? Are you done with settling for smallness in and around you?

Yes, you would. I congratulate you! So let’s invite them in, these parts of “hell” inside of us and put the flashlight on them.

As women it seems that we have been conditioned to play just a few socially accepted roles, generally portrayed to us from a young age on. There's Bella from “The Beauty and the Beast” who, with her love, converts the ugly creature into a beautiful, loving human being. Or we might embody the role of Cinderella, who is gentle and obedient and cries silently behind closed doors, hurting from all kinds of abuse, which of course she kindly forgives. In the end, the saviour actually comes, and it's thanks to her incredibly pure and fully surrendered heart. Or there’s Snow White who sings to the innocent animals and conquers the hearts of all those around her, at the very limit of extreme innocence and beauty, singing to creation, being one with creation without ever bothering about herself, just being concerned with the wellbeing of others. We are dressing up as Princesses, Queens, sometimes Barbies and all kinds of pure beauties. Or we might attempt to live up to the image of holy and pure Mother Mary, who is the always present and loving mother archetype, selflessly living for her child only, always serving humanity, with no needs of her own, in no need of a man, not even for conception. These “personas” are who most of us, consciously or unconsciously, are still trying to be, with slight variations here and there, and of course including other female role models.

There were not many girls in my neighbourhood who’d dress up as the witch, or the prostitute, or the murderer at the time of carnival or other dressing up occasions. We did not have Halloween back then, so I didn't actually have any contact with the shadow part of me for a very long time. I could feel her, my shadow, my own violence, my jealousy, my hatred, my resentment; I could feel her lingering, and I avoided any contact with her. Everyone else around me was doing the same thing and I also needed to be the good girl who does everything right, trying to keep a very precarious family situation in balance. So I ignored the shadow in general, just as my family, extended family and peers did.

I was the good girl, the educated daughter springing from a well-behaved and socially accepted family. This was the role I adopted. Pure and good, doing good, giving, generous, loving. Smart, always at your service, smiling, talented, and of course, beautiful.

The first time I actually stood face to face with my shadow, violently and unavoidably, was when I was given the news that my first life partner, the love of my life and father of my children, was betraying me with one of my horse riding students. They would have sex in our bedroom with both of our - then small - children present and for many nights in a row. I would like to tell you that I remained calm and dealt with the situation, like a good girl would, in an understanding, loving and forgiving way. Yes, it’s true, there is some resistance inside to expose the full truth of what really happened when my powerful shadow took over. This is how I would describe it, the shadow, neglected and ignored for many years (at times for many lifetimes) knows no boundaries once it is triggered. It is usually so repressed due to the false beliefs of who we have to be, and who we can never allow ourselves to be. This is what we read about everyday in the newspaper: ignored shadows spinning violently out of control and actually killing and destroying. Just this morning there was another news report about a husband who killed his wife and her lover, completely driven by jealousy and rage; let’s face it, this is a daily event in the world.

So, the full truth of what happened to me when my shadow took over is that I could not think, nor was I able to access any kind of logic; I just reacted to the immeasurable pain in my belly and heart, and some cold revenge took over my system and in the middle of the night I ran through dark mountain trails for hours. I ran to reach the mountain hut where he and the kids were staying with our cows (we ran a dairy farm during this period of our lives). I was somewhere else guiding tourists on horseback to make us some money. I ran as fast as I could, in the night, blinded by excruciating pain

… and I was armed with revenge…

… ready to really hurt him.

I entered the hut in the moonlight around 3 am in the morning, I came close to the bed, I lifted up the cover, I reached for his intimate parts, wishing to really hurt them and …

… he woke up, was physically much stronger than me and in a matter of seconds I was immobilized. The only cut that was made was to our relationship and to the two little children being traumatized by the violent activities, screams and fights of their parents.

No, there were more cuts done that night. I had changed. I had faced my darkness, I had felt her power; I had shattered my identity of the good girl and I was devastated, yet I could not go back to who I was before. At the same time I was deadly afraid of meeting this shadow ever again, because if I did, I actually was in danger of losing control and committing a crime.

I did not understand at that moment that my shadow was my friend. That this power was actually Her calling me home; that by ignoring it, keeping it under wraps, I was actually harming myself and the loved ones around me. I was keeping life itself out of the flow. The shadow came this violently to me because I did not want to listen to it before now, when it was smaller. My habit was to ignore whatever was shadow. There had been many signs, small “shadow” feelings and indications in the years before, that knew our relationship was unhealthy and a change was needed. By ignoring them, the shadow had become louder until a drama was forged, and it was simply a wakeup call to catapult me out of a very unhealthy life style and relationship situation.

You cannot escape from millennia of collective cultural conditioning. There is no escape from your shadow, from the animal inside, there is no denying of what is living in you, it is just a matter of time for you to be ready to decide to meet yourself, fully.

The good news is, actually meeting and diving into what has frightened you the most, what has been avoided the most, just takes a very short time compared to the millennia of repression. Also, it hurts less than going to the dentist! If I could describe in words why the live Donna Divina Initiation Retreat is so special and so incredibly important for every single woman on this planet, I would say it’s because it was received and designed for this life changing passage: meeting the shadow.

Moving through the fear and avoidance of the shadow straight into the immensity of the light, into paradise, just as described in the sacred scriptures. And as cliché as it might sound, you are being lovingly seduced into your worst shadow, into what you could not ever meet by yourself, into what you might not even have been aware of and still might not even be aware of today. While the portals inside of you are gently opening, and you are standing face to face and losing control for just a millisecond, She rushes in, takes out the sword of truth and cuts you free. Then the shadow has been transformed into strength, power and immense potential. Then you are truly an initiated Donna Divina, the one who is in alignment with all of her female essences, darkness and light. The one who contains them all, who masters them all with ease, because She has become One with Her.

Usually we don’t go there, into the depth of the shadow side inside of us. Society and Religion play their parts in the denial of our own darkness; it is socially unacceptable to be wild, powerful, extreme, loud, different and incoherent, ever-changing, with no “easy to define” label, role or occupation. So to be a respected member of this human society, living our shadow parts is a non-possibility. Conditioning encourages us strongly to not ever move out of the comfort zone, and concede that we will never be able to realize paradise on earth. It’s an amazing, doubly-safe breaker switch. Once we are actually ready to meet our shadow then there is another very highly powered safety switch to protect us from entering into our power and shining light – fear and terror. As women, we collectively carry some strong cell memories containing fear and terror. So when we receive the invitation to enter the private paradise inside that we are all in some way familiar with, we usually decline. We’d rather die as a slave to society, religion, and millennia of conditioning than to face the horrific terror to stand in our full glory – because if we do, we are visible on this planet and on all of the others. If we really show the Goddess that we are: “Oh no, no, no, no, this feels scary, I might be burned on the stakes again – let me just go back to what I am familiar and comfortable with: smallness. Don't expose me! If I want power, I can use the male energies and models; it is much safer, and even if it won’t bring me to fulfillment and freedom, it will still make me feel strong and is so much less terrifying.”

Another “weapon” we commonly use to avoid the feminine power-centre and authentic paradise of who we are, of the union with Her, is weakness. “I don’t have what it takes, I am not enough. I don’t have the time, energy, the money. I am too old, too young, too poor, too underprivileged, too stupid; this is too much for me”. Are you getting the picture? Using weakness as an avoidance strategy will eventually bring us into illness and isolation.

There are a myriad of different strategies to keep us thinking we need to be someone else and they make sure that we don’t meet the blinding greatness of Her in this lifetime. The only force on earth stronger than this is love; with love, self-love, and more love, with a loving women’s open heart, it is possible, easy even, to face death, fear, horror, terror and all of the other expressions of the shadow side.

It is of no real service to understand, to analyze the darkness; it does not really help to spend twenty years in therapy and speak about our shadow side and the suffering created by it: understanding does not equal transforming. What will set us free once and for all, what will bring real change is to embrace, meet and become friends with the shadow side of ourselves. It follows then that we automatically recognize and allow the shadow of the other living beings around us, freeing us from inner and outer judgment. It is here that we enter into a quiet and content state of mind. Yes, just like paradise on earth.

Meeting what were former “no-go zones” inside actually transforms us to such a level that we will automatically stop and cut the story about our past, our lives, ourselves and fall back into the natural flow of oneness with everything.

I lovingly encourage you to come and see for yourself. It’s the only possible road. I can speak forever about this, but if you don’t experience it for yourself, it will only remain an idea, a concept, something we can discuss and argue about, have opinions on, and really this has no importance whatsoever. Once you have met your shadow, allowed her in, you won’t speak about it anymore. You’ll just be forever grateful and live a new transformed life with the freedom to live as who you are.

As I mentioned before, during the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, we seduce you with all of our love and presence into your darkest darkness, the one you are not even aware of. Once you surrender to it we hold you softly as you lose control and pass the portal, and fall into Her, forever! Once you’ve been with Her even if for a short moment, you will never forget. You will be initiated. Moving through “hell” and becoming one with your shadow side is the most important step of the entire process shared with you in this book, and without the preparation of all the other steps up until this point, it cannot be done. So congratulations again for walking the steps by yourself and for now being ready for taking the next, big leap of faith.

Our birthright is to live as a natural expression of who we really are. So the way into this shining, free flowing paradise, is meeting all of what you are not. Meeting what you are afraid of meeting, and diving right into the core just to realize that it never existed. It was just an invention, a creation of the mind, a protection mechanism, a way to keep the illusion of “who you are not” in place.

In truth, our darkest shadow is our best friend, lingering over the portal to keep it closed; it is the guardian of the gateless gate, protecting us from our immense divinity, the greatness, the unlimited light.

We don’t know of this until we have our own direct experience. Then we meet the shadow, we love the shadow and embrace it. And joyfully, the portal opens and we fall into paradise, into what we always were. Yes, there is a moment of losing control, a little discomfort, some strong energy, but isn't that a small price to pay for living in paradise? For the ticket to return to the promised land?

How much more life energy would able to live in your woman’s body, if you’d just stop playing a role? Or judging the parts of yourselves to keep them away from you: for example, the cheater, the jealous and envious one, the cold and distant one, the prostitute, the murderer? If instead you could just soften, relax and embrace those lost shadow parts of yourself? If you could get to know them and realize that they are part of you as a whole? How much more freedom would there be, if the unspeakable secrets of yourself would be met and liberated? How much more space would there be in your Woman’s world, if you could let go of trying to hide your shadows, the parts of you that you hide because you are not proud of them?

So please invite your shadow here now. Be open to what you have denied.

There are many parts of ourselves we have denied, individually and collectively as women. I have mentioned a lot of them above. In the Hindu Religion there is one aspect of our shadow side I was shocked by at first but now really love to play with. This religion is special because there are a multitude of Gods and Goddesses contained in it who are all adored; it’s like adoring all aspects of the human potential.

So one of those Goddesses, adored as all the others, is called Kali. When I saw a representation of her for the first time, I felt nausea. She was shocking! She was depicted with a face full of rage and hatred, her blue tongue sticking out of her mouth, dangling like a wild animals’ tongue, almost reaching her own belly! There was blood everywhere around her, blood flooding, and her belt, wrapped nicely around her waist, was made with recently beheaded heads, dripping with fresh blood. I had been told that billions of people venerate the Goddess Kali. This was, at first, for me a deeply disturbing fact.

As I opened more to Kali’s energy, breathing deeply and allowing my own shock and judgment to be felt (which actually was just covering the fear of such dark power), a phrase of a book I had read some years before jumped to my mind, from the book “Women Who Run with Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estès. This line had deeply touched me and it went something like this: “Women are extremely powerful .They have the power to choose who will live and who will die.” I did not comprehend it back then. Now, it became clear. It was at first a soft knocking at the door to my own Kali energy, which I had kept neatly covered. I refused to be this powerful. But I actually was that powerful. I could decide who lives and who dies. I had done it- I had “killed” unhealthy relationships, “killed” energy-sucking habits in me and my environment, I had “killed” ways of thinking, I had “killed” associations with people and situations which were abusive. Deep rage had been my guide and had shown me the way through these dark moments of my life.

The aspect of Kali, “She who brings destruction”, “She who is full of unspeakable rage”, lives inside of every woman, naturally. Kali brings the revenge for all of the abuse that women, children, and all kinds of innocent living beings have endured collectively. She is at our service, She is the liberator and protector of the universe, and her rage is sacred. She kills what is harmful, what needs to die. By diving into her energy I found a light which is stronger than the darkness.

Allowing and diving into our shadow side is like an alchemical transformation process. Feminine alchemy is the opposite of transcendence, it’s more about immanence. It’s about being fully present to the fullness of life, in all of its aspects and in the human realm of love, loss, joy, pain and ecstasy. It involves the total loving embrace of all aspects of yourself, exactly where you are and how you are in this moment – it’s the most natural and simplest thing in the world. It was forgotten, but now we remember!

Exercise - Make friends with your shadow – love Her so much that She will release you.

The following exercise is done in front of a mirror. Create a private and intimate, safe space for yourself, where you can be alone and undisturbed. You can use a hand mirror and sit down in front of it, or you can take a chair and sit in front of a wall mirror somewhere in your house.

Bring your Wise Woman’s journal and a pen. You might want to play some music (you can use the suggested song at the end of this chapter) before you get started, to help you to open to the shadow side.

Allow yourself an hour of time for this exercise, which is to be done alone, by yourself. Once you are ready and the space in front of your mirror has been created, open the Wise Woman’s journal to a fresh page, switch on the song and take a couple of deep breaths, just sitting there, opening to the energy of the music and looking at yourself, looking deeply into your own eyes.

(Play Song)

Now continue to breathe and keep seeing yourself. Start to connect to the image of you in the mirror. How does she look? What does she feel? What do her sensations and emotions look like? Are you judging the image of the woman in front of you? What do her eyes tell you?

Just allow any feeling, sensation or emotion to be here. There is no right or wrong.

Then inquire (and you might want to close your eyes for easier access into your inner world while you are listening to the question) deeply into your own being:

What have I judged about myself? What parts of me, of my body, my face, my habits, the way I walk, the way I move, the way I am, have I judged in the past and am still judging now?

Open your eyes and write down whatever comes up for you. Once you have finished, simply read what has been written to your image in the mirror, feel how that makes you feel. Allow the emotions to be there, feel them in your body. Where are they in the body? Open even deeper to them.

Then move on to the next question:

If I had to name them now, if I could open beyond the closed gates inside of me and be really honest, what are my ten worst qualities?

Allow yourself to write them down. Then read them to yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself and feel, be here, be present. Thank yourself for your presence, your courage to dive in.

Then move on to the next question:

What emotions are not allowed to be felt in my life? What have I been avoiding to feel? What expressions of emotion do I judge in other women, other men, other living beings? What are those energies, which I have kept under wraps? Is it rage, resentment, hatred, fear, anxiety, power, madness? What is it for me?

Write down whatever is revealed. Then read it out to the woman in the mirror and observe what happens in your woman’s body, while doing this.

Then move on to the last question:

What do you really hate about yourself ? Be truthful, look for it, invite the dark darkness and open to the judgment inside and even more…What do you hate about other women, really? What is so bad that you hate it with all of your being? Which behaviours, ways of expression, actions do you detest? What is it you severely judge and hate about yourself and about other women?

Allow the words to flow on your page. Be honest, truthful, present. Really open to what has been denied. Then speak the words to the woman in the mirror. Feel what happens inside while you speak. If tears come, they are welcome; feelings of disgust, fear, terror, coldness, everything is so welcome here. Just be with it.

Now, get up. Look at yourself, keep the mirror in front of you. Start to move your body with all of the shadow energies you have invited here. Don’t even think to change them, to make them right. Give yourself the chance to experience them, dance with them, meet them. How do they really make you feel? What is here now? What is the truth?

Continue to dance with your shadow as long as you wish. If strong energies come, allow your body to move strongly. If more hatred and rage come, feel them and dance with them. Shout, cry, tremble, scream, allow them. Look them in the eye. This is your space and your time. If wildness comes, be wild. Be present. These are only emotions, energies. They won’t do you any harm.

The deeper you are able to experience the presence of your shadow right here in your body, the better. This is all part of you.

Simply surrender and let yourself be seduced into the worst of the worst, until you are right in front of it and then, surrender some more…

and open
at some point, you’ll start to fly. And the door will open into your own light.

Here you are truly yourself, nothing is missing. Trust in yourself, your own strength will come flooding in, new life force be strength pouring into your veins. You will feel like you are back on the throne, after centuries, the queen in her rightful queendom, where life is easy, life is beautiful.

It doesn’t matter if this powerful transformation does not happen immediately, just continue to embrace your shadow whenever it knocks on your door, and sooner or later, you’ll fall into paradise. Remember:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

Thank you for being this courageous and walking this most important step together. Now turn the page because it’s time to take care of this sacred Woman’s body.

Song- You oughta know, Alanis Morisette

Chapter 15

The body – Her temple

Through the centuries, again and again, humanity moves to seek for the Holy Grail. What a waste of time, as it is right under their eyes, as it always has been!

Now that your shadow starts to be your friend, I am sure that you are already experiencing much more space in your body. It’s time to take care of this sacred form, the biggest of all gifts of life which you received at birth, and learn how to use its infinite wisdom.

The shadows you discovered in the last chapter lingered inside of your body, not only as a concept in your mind. No, they live and do their doing inside your tissues, and this sacred woman’s body has memorized every experience, every joy and every repression in its cells. Usually we don’t take much notice of the physical body, and we mostly just take it for granted. Only when illness manifests then we remember how crucial a healthy body is – for everything.

As women we have to wake up. This body is our best friend and our most efficient instrument. Left unconscious, it becomes a mere robot; filled with love and attention, it becomes HER temple. Let me rephrase that: prepared consciously, this woman’s body becomes not only an instrument of great pleasures and bliss, it actually becomes Her sacred temple.

There is a saying, frequently used among experienced body workers: “It’s all in the body”. Donna Divinas could not agree more with this statement.

As women, some of us have escaped the physical reality into a dream world, and are fantasizing with most of our energies outside of the body of some future romantic paradise to fall upon us. Some of us have learned the art of leaving the body when threat, danger or simply uncomfortable situations arise. Some of us are flying around in cyber space and have cut any attachment to reality. Some of us, while having sex with their partner, escape into the realm of the mind and imagine another prince charming instead of the reality of the physical man present in the body inside of us, right now, right here. Some of us allow this body to be abused or abuse it ourselves. Some of us simply ignore its needs and signals. Some of us refuse to come down to earth.

The body is the instrument which absorbs all of our thoughts and beliefs. It has been judged by us and by others; it might have been abused when we were too small to protect ourselves, to say no or fight back. It was exposed, looked at and might even have been used as a tool to please others without our agreement. It went through accidents, trauma, operations, illnesses; it might have encountered verbal and physical violence while growing up. It might have been poisoned with stressful situations and unhealthy environments, or even with food. It might have gone through pregnancy, stillbirth, spontaneous or voluntary abortion, painful menstruation, hormonal imbalances, infections, and many other cycles. It might have been broken, weak, or too strong for its capacity. It has certainly gone through a lot. It has met many things and everything is stored inside of it- all of our life- the joys, the love and the pain and horror.

One thing is certain – it’s more intelligent than the mind. The body mind “thinks” a lot faster and much more holistically. The body's strength is immense: it’s programmed to survive, to balance, to live and it does all of that in such a miraculous way that science still is discovering how it really works. A simply amazing artwork of creation, the body is still forgotten and the powerful connection with it, at least as human beings – is interrupted. No school teacher is prepared to initiate their students into its possibilities, and our parents and grandparents have forgotten about this art a long time ago. So usually we tend to live just inside of our minds and, for example, we even forget to be gifted with wondrous breasts and powerful vaginas. We forget to listen to its needs. We are confined to a life inside of our mind, disconnected, confused and alone. For many of us, the safety we were longing for was found inside of our head. That is why we are trying to control everything with our thoughts, lost in continuous noisy mind chatter without a moment of rest. Some of us are not even aware of this mind chatter- this is how far the disconnection can go at times. Leaving the realm of safety in the mind can be scary.

As understandable as this is, especially if trauma, abuse and violence have happened in the past – it’s worthwhile. It’s liberating and delicious to allow ourselves to claim our body temples again and experience this life fully, in all of its aspects. Come back into your beautiful woman’s body! It’s just waiting for you to return and claim ownership again. It’s waiting for you to drive out the shadows by embracing them, to cast out the uninvited guests, the blocks, the illnesses and make it Her most amazing palace temple, shining with light and breathtaking beauty.

The body is the barometer of our soul. I am sure you have had an experience of its wisdom in your life. For example, when an important decision needs to be taken, and the mind just can’t seem to find the answers, maybe running in circles about the pros and cons. Often a “knowing” arises from the depth of your belly. If you followed this voice, you probably took the best decision for everyone involved, even if it didn’t seem to be logical from the outside. When I was looking for a suitable location for one of my greatest projects, creating a natural horse communication academy in Italy, I had the choice of 89 locations. My mind was going crazy with what would be the best choice. But my body was much wiser; it “knew”. So as I opened into the experience each place offered, there was no doubt about what my physical cells desired – a location with lots of space, a beautiful view and high natural energies. I knew that my body would feel which place was just perfectly synchronized with it, and I would be drawn to it like a beautiful piece of clothing.

So instead of jumping to the mind for answers, especially in stressful situations, relax and listen deeply. The body “knows” the answer. Automatically, prior to thought, it just knows. As women we have immediate access to its “belly wisdom”. We might have lost trust, or forgotten how to listen, but once we remember, life becomes really simple. It’s an innate capacity, a female talent. Of course also men have it too, but for them it’s a little harder to connect. Listening to the body’s wisdom means allowing the answer to any question we could have to rise naturally, and it’s usually the most healthy one.

Stored in the body are many patterns stemming from the past which have not been updated to the present. These might be shadow patterns, behaviours running on autopilot, like avoiding confrontation and playing small, just to give you one example. These patterns are the uninvited guests, which have claimed ownership over our sacred temple. If we allow those automatic patterns to run our life, we will always reproduce the same results. By observing and listening to the body we are able to “catch” the moment when the pattern starts to take over and interrupt it. This is how we fill our body with loving consciousness and make her- this woman’s body- our sacred instrument.

This body is sweet and innocent. Do you like yourself when you are naked? What happens when all the “covers” of this body fall away?

Do you feel shame? Would you like to hide and never expose it? Look at the children, before all conditioning, through rules, religions and society happens. They are just an innocent, sweet, little body. One with this form, in the flow. There is nothing to hide. Once we come back to loving our bodies the artificial shame just falls away.

Life becomes simple when we come back into our body. It’s like the only real “duty” in our lives- to take good care of our body. Who else could do it? What's left once the body doesn’t work? We are its guardians, we are the ones who choose for it, or against it, every single moment. Make peace with your body, give it the attention, love and care it deserves and it will greatly cherish you.

So what is your story? How have you treated your body? Are you too fat, too thin, too old, too… whatever? Is your nose not as it should be? Don't you like the colour of your eyes? Does your skin not fit your requirements? What do you personally think of your body?

She is constantly knocking at your body's doors- She, the completeness of all female essences combined, can’t wait to claim her Queendom back.

Exercise – This Woman’s Body

Let’s move into our body with an inquiry.

Please bring your Wise Woman’s journal and a pen and open the journal to a fresh and new page.

Find a comfortable position for your body. Really listen to her now, this woman’s body, and ask her, what does she want now? To sit, to stand, to lie down? Which position, which place would she truly prefer? Trust your belly answer. Make sure that you are undisturbed during this sacred time knowing you are about to gift some sacred attention to your body.

When you have found the perfect position, take a couple of deep breaths and gently close your eyes. Allow your consciousness to move into the body. Experience her from the inside. How does she feel? Are there any areas with tension, with pain? Just allow them to be there. You don’t want to change a thing of your body today; you just want to listen to her, as she is in this moment, and allow yourselves to feel what is going on.

Great. Now allow your muscles to relax and soften. Start at your feet. Allow your feet to relax and become wide and large, to claim all of the space. Then allow your ankles, calves and knees to relax deeply. Moving up to your thighs, all of your legs are relaxed now. Take your time. See your feet and legs from the inside. What is the sensation here?

Then allow your hips to relax and soften, all of the muscles and micro-muscles. Relax your vagina, she usually carries a lot of old tension. Make her feel that she is safe now and can just relax. Relaxing your buttocks, and then moving into the lower abdomen to allow the whole of your belly to soften and widen. Allow all of your organs to rest now. Beautiful.

Now relax your diaphragm, allow it to let go. Moving into the lower back and allowing each cell to soften, being with the tissues and sensing them. How do they feel? How do they really look from the inside? Just allow your attention to be here. Allowing all of your back to soften and deeply relax. Sensing your shoulders, and if there were heavy weights of responsibility on your shoulders, just take a deep breath and imagine allowing these weights to drop down to the ground now, while your shoulders become soft and free. Wonderful!

Then relax your rib cage, allowing space for the lungs and the heart area, letting these organs know that they have the permission to relax deeply now. Allowing the rib cage to become free and spacious, while each and every cell relaxes deeply.

Opening into your throat and neck area, allowing each muscle, micro muscle, nerve and tendon to relax and soften now. Beautiful! Moving up into your face, softening the jaw, allowing the lips to open slightly and relax deeply now. Softening the cheeks, the nose, the eyes and the eyes sockets, allowing the whole of your beautiful face to just relax deeply now. Even the hair, each single hair bulb is letting go and relaxing deeply now. The brain receives the permission to just rest and all of your head becomes light, soft and open. How does your head and face feel from the inside? Give yourself some time to sense each single perception inside of your head, face and then all of your body. Whatever is moving, just allow it to move. Whatever is resting, just rest even deeper now.

Now, invite all of your parts into this beautiful woman’s body. The parts which might still be dwelling in the past, just invite them in. The parts that would like to jump into the future, call them back and allow them to come here and now, deeply inside of this deeply relaxed woman’s body.

Just rest for a couple of minutes. Sensing, perceiving, feeling. Giving your body the sacred gift of your full presence. Thank you!

Now take a deep breath in, gently and softly filling this woman’s body up with conscious oxygen. Great! And another, even deeper breath. Now, from the inside of your body, ask yourself:

How do I really feel about my body? What do I usually think when I look at myself in the mirror? If I would be really honest with myself and would allow the whole truth to surface now, what is my relationship with my body? If there was a place inside of the body, a place of judgment and control, where would this place be located in this body and what would it say?

Truthfully, let it speak. What do you feel and think about your body, really?

Allow the answers to arise and then slowly move your body a little bit, wiggling your toes and gently, consciously stretching your arms above your head, and with your own timing and rhythm, very, very gently open your eyes, move towards your Wise Woman’s journal and allow the answer to the inquiry question write itself on the page. Thank you!

Then close your eyes again and take a couple of deep breaths, feel how you are feeling right now. Now move on to the next question:

How have I judged my body? What is it that I don’t like, what is it that I actually hate about it? What is it I would like to change? How have I put the judgment of my body into words in the past? How often do I think judging thoughts about my body? How severely is it judged? Be truthful and allow whatever arises to be here.

Now take another nice deep breath in and open your eyes, writing down all of what was discovered. Thank you!

Well done! Now listen to the next question and allow the inquiry to go even deeper now.

Imagine you’d swap places with your body. Imagine that you become your body. There is an American Indian saying: “Don’t judge anybody until you have walked at least one mile in their moccasins.” So now metaphorically walk a mile in your body’s moccasins. Read your above statements out to your body, all of your judgments. Add new ones, if they come up. How does your body feel about your thoughts, your spoken words and your perceptions of it? If your body could speak, what would it say to you now?

Allow your body to answer and then write everything into your Wise Woman’s journal.

If emotion comes up during this process, please just welcome it. Open more, you are allowing this beautiful woman’s body to purify itself with your loving presence. This is simply amazing!

Now, let’s move to the last question of this inquiry. Ask yourself, and you might want to close your eyes, but you can also simply listen with open eyes, since the connection to your body has already become strong now…

How have I abused my body in the past and how am I still abusing my body today? How have I abused this woman’s body with food, alcohol, drugs, stress, too much work, no rest? How do I not listen to its needs? What is the truth?

Whenever the answers arise, simply welcome them and write them into your Wise Woman’s journal.

Well done! Now feel what is happening inside. How do you feel now that you have discovered all of these things about you and your body, what you might have been aware of already, or what you might have been surprised by. How does your body feel now?

Then taking a deep relaxing breath in and closing your eyes once more. Experience the body from the inside again. Allow your body to relax deeply.

Then say to your body how sorry you are about all of the judgment, the criticism and maybe even the hatred that has happened in the past. Let your body know that you are truly sorry, and that you are willing to give up this old game. You might even want to promise your body that from now on you are willing to listen to it again, to cherish it and take care of it. Take a moment to say it out loud, whatever feels right for you, speak to your body! If it feels right, you might even want to hug yourself and celebrate the reunion between you two!

Take some time with your body now. You might want to play a song. There is a beautiful one at the end of this chapter which would be perfect to play now. You can also just sit with your body in silence for a couple of minutes, caress it, dance with it, or just rest. Your body knows the answer of what is right for you now, so just trust and go with the flow.

Then, slowly and gently, thank your body and yourself for actually doing this sacred little exercise and consciously stretch, move, and go back to your day – in union with her, this beautiful women’s body.

Putting our honouring attention back into this woman’s body is enough. It’s simple and therefore becomes difficult again. Loving our bodies and filling them up with self-love is the opposite of what we have been conditioned to do. Mostly we have adopted to think that our body is weak (“the flesh is weak”), somewhat dangerous, slow and even stupid. We have been led to take on unhealthy habits like filling this body up with masses of meat, coffee, alcohol, drugs, and all kinds of pharmaceutical prescriptions. We have been made believe that the realm of the body is dirty, somewhat dangerous, animalistic and out of control.

So the simple act of loving this body consciously, being present, listening and honouring its needs is a sacred path... the undoing of the old conditionings that are not updated to the actual truth.

I’d like to repeat it again, this body is your sacred instrument. It “knows”! The lack of female energies, female presences in it has contributed to make it a desert, a dry mass of bones. It longs for love. It is made to be loved. It loves to make love.

Maybe your body seems alien to you, and maybe it doesn’t do what you want, expect, especially while having sex. Maybe you are one of those women who think they are sexually blocked and/or frigid. This is a lie. Your body has everything you need inside, perfectly designed for your unique life’s journey. Love it, care for it and yes, maybe learn to make love instead of forcing it to have sex and it will reward you with health and bliss.

As a Donna Divina, a healthy body is what you want to create for yourself. You want to purify it, to nurture it with living foods, to water it with shining spring water. Maybe you want to give it fresh pure air and you want to move it, maybe much more than you are actually doing.

Health is natural. Our normal frantic lifestyles have introduced illness. We can reverse this. If you truly love your body, it becomes automatic that you won’t want to hurt it, and you do want to serve it, giving it the best of the best, naturally.

My suggestion to you is to fall in love with your body today. Patiently and gently reverse the conditionings and give it time and attention. Maybe you’d like to commit to just one hour a day (what is one hour out of 24?) with your body, a time where you listen to it, you take it for a walk in the fresh air, you move it, you dance with it, you sing through it, you do whatever your heart and body feel called to.

Get out of the chair that is blocking you, get out of your mind and start the healthy love story with this sacred woman’s body and She will naturally move in.

If you have never experienced how vibrant health actually feels, then your time has come. This book is not a health book, so we won’t go into details of a healthy life style here, but let’s make it much simpler: just listen to Her inside and you’ll find She will guide you to whatever path is right for you to bring the natural life force back into your sacred temple! Ask and you will receive.

Nurture her with vital substances, living foods, living thoughts, movement and freshness and most of all, with your love and sweet attention.

Donna Divinas dance and sing all the time. Yes, She moves with the body. Movement is one of the easiest ways to unblock the sacred Woman’s body, it’s gentle and nurturing. Just test it for yourself, put on some music you like and dance for 45 minutes. You might like it so much, the time spent with just you and your body in movement, that you’ll make it your new empowering habit!

May this temple of yours, of Her, be filled with Her delicious energies again!

So now let’s move deeper into love, just turn the page and … love yourself…

Song - Love Yourself, Olivia Newton John

Chapter 16

Love is not enough- or is it?

"There is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself."

- Louise Hay

Judy was utterly confused. She sighed. The heavy weight on her chest wasn't going anywhere, it just stayed there.

“So, who am I then? This self-love, this dance? This glorious light which I have felt inside? Or am I this weak, confused, fearful woman, completely dependent on my family at the age of 35?”

Her husband had said good bye to her the other day. He wanted his freedom back, he said. A day later, she had lost her job because the company she had worked with for 10 years now had just closed down.

Judy was in peace with those outer developments in her life. She knew that they were part of her journey back to Her – the divine woman she had invited into her life again. The relationship with her husband had long been over; it had been compromised to the point that there was no real love or intimacy left. For the past five years they had been constantly growing apart, more and more. The secretary job she had been stuck with had not been in alignment with her anyway, and was just a way for to get a paycheck.

The first days after all the outer changes had taken place, had been almost blissful. She actually felt happy about the new direction her life was taking. But now? What happened?

Heaviness was blocking her thoughts. Her sacred woman’s body felt drained of its life energy and she was unspeakably tired.

Was depression moving into her?

The dark night of the soul came crawling, bringing hopelessness, bitterness and frustration.

Where had She gone? This powerful, light and happy woman, standing in her power, changing inside and reaping the fruits of her outer world changing with her effortlessly?

Why did change need to be so hard?

“Maybe it would have been better to not have started this journey in the first place”, Judy thought. “If I could only go back to the safe, unconscious world I lived in before.”

As soon as this thought moved through her mind, Judy was shocked by her own negativity. She jumped up, ran to a mirror and looked into her green eyes.

“Judy, stop the self-pitying. Get your act together! You would never want to crawl back into the lifeless existence of the unconscious slave you have been! What are you even thinking?!”

The green eyes looked back at her with grief and compassion. Tears welled up. She crawled to the bed to hold herself in a gentle embrace and allowed the tears to flow. The acceptance and love for herself was big enough to grieve for her losses – most of all, for the loss of the comfort of dependency. She cried for a full hour, gently rocking herself, and feeling the warmth and love coming back into her tissues. She felt soft and vulnerable. Before meeting Her, she had been holding on to the illusion that she could control her life. Now it was different. She was in a flow of events which seemed to be out of control. One thing was clear to Judy- never before had she loved herself this much, never before had she allowed herself to be who she truly was, in every moment. She sighed again, and this time it was a true sigh of relief. The heavy weight on her chest was gone. What was left was a feeling of exposure and vulnerability.

Together, we have come a long way on this journey into Her. It’s natural that confusion and doubt will arise inside. Maybe you’ll be in a similar situation as Judy, and maybe real-life situations, people and things are leaving you, simply because you are allowing Her to claim Her rightful space back.

I know that Judy’s story and the changes in her life sound very intense. It's likely that you won’t have to leave your husband or your job to live a blissful life in Her presence. Usually the changes that happen are much gentler.

Yes, they might also show up in a stronger ways. It all depends on how far away from Her your life has been lived up until now.

You might find yourself in a questioning state at this point in the book and that is completely natural. So please relax and read on.

When we start our journey back into Her, there is a powerful reconnection happening right from the beginning. We are “flooded with light”; we are happy, enthusiastic, feeling unbeatable, sure of ourselves. In finding Her again, we have taken a huge quantum leap into the truth of who we are. It’s like falling in love and there is celebration in our cells. We have reconnected to the fountain of youth, the source of all being and the truth of this life in a woman’s body. This experience won’t leave us again- we are now “familiar” with Her.

Then, everyday life knocks on our door, and we face the reality of what our false identity, the “not She” has created in the past years. Yet, because of the concept of “time lag”, change in the physical realms takes a little longer to manifest. So we might find ourselves in a dance through both, Her energies and then the ego, or false-self energies, and we might get confused, questioning ourselves: so what is true, what is false, who is She and why am I not Her all the time?

We are Her all the time, and the little you is still there, too. Shadow and light are living in us contemporarily and we are confronted with the reality of duality. So how can we deal with this situation?

The answer is simple again. Just continue to relax, listen to your woman’s body, be present, be true to yourself and continue the inquiry. Use your sweet woman’s mind to ask questions, look for the deeper truth in the answers, trust the wisdom in your belly, dance and move through the old emotions stored in your body, every time they arise and challenge you.

In short, continue to use the first four steps of the Donna Divina Process over and over again. Use them every time you need them until they become second nature, an integral part of your divine lifestyle, and until She moves into your body and being so completely, that you are Her! It’s a process, a life’s journey. Remember, we are carrying five thousand or more years of repression and conditioning, and it’s completely okay to give this rebirthing process the time it needs.

There is good news, you are not alone on this journey. Everyday, more and more Donna Divinas around the world are waking up and coming together. We support each other with and in our love, and we become the mirrors of truth we so need. It makes this journey easy and even pleasant. There will be more about the mirrors in our lives in the next chapter.

Judy, in the above story, is finding herself in a creative chaos. I want to be clear with you: the journey to this powerful amazing shining She that you are is soft and loving and, at the same time, it requires a lot of your attention. When another piece of your false identity is getting ready to leave your consciousness, there are going to be dark moments. Something is leaving; grief and letting go are the natural aspects of any goodbye, even it’s the good bye of something you are happy to see leaving.

What I see with all of the Donna Divinas, even when life becomes challenging (like it does in any case- every living being on the planet is challenged again and again) and the way isn't so clear, they’d never want to go back to a life without Her, to life before Her. The life as Her and with Her is actually bringing in a completely new aspect which is to surrender to life as it is. She asks us to stop wasting our energies trying to control the outside world and instead move inside and really make a difference in this inner world. She asks us to clear up our inner world, bring Her in and surrender to what is happening on the outside. The only real power we have is inside. As inside, so outside.

How would your life be if you stopped the struggle, if you stopped trying to change the people, situations, circumstances and events around you, in your external world? How would your life be if you gave yourself the gift of softly surrendering to them as they are now? What if you put your attention inside and fully claim your power? You can really make a difference in your life by simply designing it from the inside, with Her guidance, and then having the patience to see it manifest around you.

Wouldn’t that be really relaxing? It’s a paradigm shift. No more seeking, just finding. No more giving the power of your life to others, just taking responsibility for your own life, savoring the ease and possibilities to live as an empowered woman standing in Her glory.

Can you see that you are not alone in this journey? Can you feel how delicious it can be, how loving it is just knowing that this magnificent Woman inside is your partner? She’ll never do anything to harm you!

In Judy's story, when she started to feel depressed, alone, and victimized by the circumstances, she was experiencing her false self, her ego. She was momentarily disconnected from Her, but She was still there. She wants the very best for Judy, and is designing a life of true love and fulfillment by helping her to let go of what no longer serves her, what keeps her prisoner, which in her case was her marriage and her job. Will Judy find the trust she needs to surrender to the outer circumstances and allow Her to create the life of her dreams?

Will you allow Her to do the divine work?

Trust the love inside of you, trust the woman who is in her deepest essence pure love. This love is all you need. It is not a common realization for us living in this current world situation; you may seriously question if love really is enough... If I am who I am, this love, will I be able to survive in a world made of competition, violence, war?

Remember, the inner world creates the outer world. If you are love, only love will manifest around you. It is that simple.

Yesterday, I found an interesting article written by an English university professor who researched the ancient Greek societies. The title, “If Women ruled the world – Is a Matriarchal Society the Solution?”*,captured my attention. In ancient Crete, there were no wars, no warfare at all, and women were highly respected parts of the society, holding high status and power positions and they were actually the religious leaders of that time. Crete flourished. The connection to nature was strong; there was less conflict and competition and more empathy and celebration. There was abundance for everyone and everyone was respected.

If women would fill more female leadership roles in today’s society, there would be less war and much more love as this upsurge of female energy increases. It’s a simple fact: woman is love. Women, who are in power positions in our society at the moment, have mostly moved into their male energies just to be able to succeed in a world of competition and so they had no other choice than to become “better men”. What if they were to bring their true female essence into the world, using their power to create in their own unique and true feminine way, changing the current systems completely? The solution might not be about creating a matriarchy, as humanity has already tried this. Who knows what would be born out of the female love “unleashed”?

What we are doing here is opening up this simple path to wake up to Her, to allow Her back into your body and life and as a result, bring more love into our lives, our families, our society, our planet Earth. It’s about living in the truth of who we are, beyond the little Ego, and both men and woman are called to take this step – together. Since the path for women is unique and we don’t want to waste any more time following a male system, Donna Divina International and thousands of other organizations, seminars and books are bringing new solutions for women. We are being supported by Her worldwide to allow the shift into our female power, in line with the power of love.

Embodying love, living as an expression of love, inviting love, asking ourselves, “what would love do?” and then actually allowing love to decide the next step, is simple; it’s natural for women, and at the same time, also very frightening. We might even fear for our lives, remembering past traumas. If I am loving and open, will I be abused again? If I really let go of my carefully constructed armour, won't I be hurt again? Does being love mean that my exposure, vulnerable and innocent, will invite abuse and violence as it did in the past? Or when I became a mother and was only love, and really open, does being love mean that I will be dependent on others (family, husband, society) again?

Yes, being Love includes being vulnerable; we can think of how vulnerable we are during pregnancy, motherhood or when we are sick. It's not only that. Being love also means embracing whatever state is here. It doesn’t mean being dependent, weak, defenseless, or attracting abuse and violence – the contrary is true.

Being love means strength: being able to say “No” with love, being able to choose where to go and what to do, and being in harmony with every human being. The very good news is that for being who we are, for embodying Her, we won’t be harmed anymore, at least in all of the western world. This is history, past, long gone memories. We are living in a relatively free world now. Sisters, the times have changed! It is safe to be Her!

Being love means to be able to let go and forgive, to live right here in this moment. Let me share a little personal story of how simple it is to be this love that we are and how we and our families are immediately affected by the shift into our true nature. This is part of the story you already know from chapter 14, Hell the Doorway to Paradise.

The second time I lost myself by falling in love, falling so completely into passionate love, was in my 18th year on earth. The man of my dreams was a mature teacher, 47 years of age and extremely strong and attractive. He also was a married man and had three children, mostly adults, and one younger daughter. Our love was strong and after three months of hot adventure, hiding from the world in a love that was against the common social structures, he actually left his family for me and we started a new one. We were happy for a few amazing years. We shared a common project and had children. I was certainly the love of his life as he was for me – or so I thought. That’s not really how it worked out. He had a need to have sex with many women. And like he had done before with me regarding his wife, he kept these passionate encounters hidden. I had romantic filters, believing I was the only one, and that with me it was all different. So I did not suspect any of this happening for 10 whole years. By chance one day, through a surprise telephone call to my six year old daughter, I discovered his secret affairs and my whole dream world was shattered in a million pieces. As a consequence in the following days, I invited a serious horse accident into my life and literally died – but not completely. Modern medicine with fast helicopters and speedy care brought me back into the earthplane. Of course this near death experience had shattered my armour and I actually allowed to myself to feel again and be truthful with myself. So after a period of hatred, grief and rage, our relationship ended. I left with our kids. I left for good, and found a better life.

We became good friends afterwards, taking care of our children in the best way we could. At least I told myself the story that we were good friends now and our issues were resolved. Twelve years later, the former love of my life fell ill with a severe prostate tumor. So, what do you think was my first thought and reaction when I received the news?

I wish I could tell you that I felt sorry for him and jumped up to give him support. Well, it wasn’t that way. I smiled and sort of celebrated. “This is the rightful punishment for all of his sins! Thank you, Universe, God, Grace for your justice!”

Yes, I am human. After a while it felt very awkward observing myself with this sort of righteousness. So I decided to stop and open into my inner world and feel, see, discover, what really was happening here. What I found surprised me.

There was a younger me still in rage with this man and she needed to say a lot of nasty things about how she felt at that time towards him. Even though I thought we were good friends and the past was resolved, evidently there was something inside that didn’t agree with this superficial “peace and love”. I gave space to this younger part of me and allowed her to speak, scream, and feel everything she had kept inside for so long.

She really went for it!

The old wound of being betrayed surfaced and she cried and felt the devastating pain she had not fully completed with from the past. This went on for ten minutes. After this, there was silence. There was true peace and love. There was compassion for my ex-lover. I was now ready to truly forgive him.

What I did next might surprise you. I assisted him in his healing process. I found therapists who spent time with him, amazing healers, who gave him the support he needed, in addition to all the medical care he received from the hospitals. And he healed. But he didn’t fully recover. He was unable to have sex, because he could no longer have an erection. So I bought a beautiful book about sacred lovemaking and sent it to him; I spoke with him about it and was surprised that he accepted with gratitude. I was even more surprised that I could speak so openly about it with him.

And now I can say that we are good friends, and that this is the real truth. Underneath the half-truth, the real truth is waiting to be revealed.

So does being love, allowing our nature to be as we are, also mean being sexually free? Is love really enough or do we also need to be clear about sex?

Well, in the beginning of the times there was no sex as we are conditioned to perceive it today, there was just love. Donna Divinas make a very clear distinction between having sex and making love. Female liberation work is not only about sex and sexual liberation only as it’s sometimes portrayed. Sex is a very important part of a woman’s life, as it is for men. A Donna Divina lives a great and free life in all areas of this existence and naturally also in lovemaking.

So what is the difference between sex and lovemaking? Sex is what is most present on the planet, bringing bodies together to create excitement and orgasm, to relieve some of the pressure, to produce a momentary relief. It’s mostly coming from the mind and both men and women can become sex fanatics. Sex is often in lacking consciousness and heart connection; it is two or more people coming together and producing an outcome – orgasm.

There is a funny statistic which states that the estimated duration of the sexual act in the world is around two to three minutes. A woman’s body needs at least thirty minutes to be able to open up and receive the love! The art of lovemaking means two hearts, bodies and souls meeting each other, present and conscious, without any goal at all. Lovemaking is the sheer pleasure of being together, celebrating and sharing the love that is in our hearts for each other, expressing it through our bodies and in our sexual organs. Lovemaking is slow, or fast, nurturing, and women naturally love it. Women are naturally good at making love, so we just need to remember this! Divine women and authentic men coming together in love, two full beings melting as one, in freedom.

To be able to move through our hearts into the openness of our vaginas and fully receive our Beloved requires opening to that one state of being which many of us refuse: being vulnerable. There is the ancient old fear in our souls, the fear of being hurt. Our mind questions… when we open into vulnerability, what power do we really have? So open, so exposed? Will we be misunderstood again? Will we be torn to pieces?

The opposite is true. All kinds of female essences move through our being; it's our life’s experience all the time, changing many times during one single day even. Embodying each essence as it comes, with surrendered openness, is the key to being powerful. Feel them inside, love them and welcome them. Repressing them and wanting to get rid of them makes us weak and subject to misunderstandings.

So now, let’s explore together what vulnerability means to you. Are you embracing this essence as it comes? Are you open enough to connect to this truth of your existence in a woman’s body, without judging it, without closing down, without trying to avoid it, and becoming a victim to the circumstances?

The truth is that our wonderful bodies, as strong as they are, are also very vulnerable. It doesn’t take much to wipe us out of existence. So how are you, personally, dealing with this energy?

Exercise - Truthful Vulnerability

Please bring your Wise Woman’s Journal and a pen. Find a space where you will be undisturbed for thirty minutes, a place where you feel safe. This exercise can be done just by yourself, inquiring and then writing the answers down into your Wise Woman’s Journal, or it can also be done with another Donna Divina, sharing your discoveries out loud to each other.

Now that we have deeply opened to and explored our shadow and its power (maybe its rage, out-of-control-ness or juicy sensuality) and we have reconnected to this powerful energy, it might just happen that a huge, soft vulnerability opens up inside of us. If that is not the case for you, just connect to a time in your life when you felt really vulnerable, open and defenseless.

Take a long, soft deep breath into your Woman’s body, allowing your belly to soften and to become round and filled with your powerful breath. Breathe into your belly a couple of times. Allow all of your body to soften, open and relax.

Ask yourself: Am I feeling vulnerable right now? Where do I experience this feeling in my body? Where is it strongest? If there is no vulnerability present at the moment, ask yourself… when have I felt vulnerable in the past? Allow the memory of a specific scene to arise. Imagine yourself stepping into this scene, as if it was here now. Then check in your body. Where was vulnerability experienced at that time? How did it actually make you feel?

As soon as you receive some clarity on this question, take a nice deep breath in and softly open your eyes. Write the answers into your Wise Woman’s journal or share them with your beautiful divine partner present here.

Softly closing your eyes again and inquiring inside: Being vulnerable is a state of being we all avoid, escape from, or try not to admit, not even to ourselves. It can bring up sensations and emotions, and not many of us like to feel sensitive to everything or needy for love and attention, maybe even just for a simple hug or for some support. Explore deeply inside – what does allowing yourself to be vulnerable bring to the surface for you? Are there any fears connected to being vulnerable?

As you allow the truth of vulnerability in your life to be revealed, remember to keep breathing and opening your body, relaxing all of the muscles and micro muscles. Then gently open your eyes and start to share/write the answers.

Thank you for allowing this softness into your body and consciousness. If strong emotions or fears came up during the exercise you might want to shake your body out physically now, and then just flow back into your day.

The essence of woman is unconditional love; a woman’s heart, once opened, is full of such exquisite sweetness, deeply embracing all of life, in all forms it manifests. Forgiving is simple in this love and finding completeness with the past is instant. There is freedom from the old stories of “who I needed to be in order to survive” and it all just drops away.

The answer to the question, “is being love enough in this world?” comes naturally... YES, it is! Her love is more than enough. Who you truly are is enough! With this clarity in our hearts, let’s move to Step 5 – the Magic Mirror to really see who we are!

Song – this Embrace, Kirtana

*Steve Taylor Ph.D is a senior lecturer in Psychology at Leeds Metropolitan University, UK:http://wakeup-world.com/2015/01/27/if-women-ruled-the-world-is-a-matriarchal-society-the-solution/

Chapter 17

Step 5 -The Magic Mirror

Deep down, deeply hidden inside of Woman
all that can be found, is a surprising, blinding Beauty
longing to be expressed.

“If you can’t see a Goddess in the next woman you meet, look no further”. Sounds like a really big statement, doesn’t it? And it is… it’s the truth. She lives inside each and every woman. She is every woman. Of course it’s not always easy to see Her shining through. But She is there. If you meet a woman on the streets, it can be any woman, and you see her with her “lights off” and there is no shining “halo” around her aura, just remember, this is just because she is disconnected in this moment. Give loving attention to this same woman, put her into a loving environment where her needs are fulfilled and you’ll be amazed as you watch her “halo” come back to life and start to shine.

It used to be natural for both women and men to be shining all the time… a long, long time ago. Now the social condition has drastically changed and there are only a few shining “halos” among us. But remember that we are the fortunate ones. We are the pioneers allowing the light to come back into our lives and allowing Her to move in. In a way, we also have a responsibility towards the “others”. Shining light is contagious and where there is light, darkness exists no longer. Let’s allow our lights to shine and enlighten the temporary darkness of other sisters we have the privilege to meet on our path, just like we are doing for ourselves.

Which means treating everyone as the most important person you’ll ever meet. You are Her, this Goddess, and the man next door has a God living inside of him. So everyone you meet is actually a God and Goddess, even though they might not be aware of it right now nor do they think it even possible.

It’s now time to surrender fully and let go of the mind-set where there is scarcity, competition, profit-seeking only, separation, isolation and the egoistic trend of “me first, me only, me safe, me against you, me better, me less, me and me…”

Even between women there are tendencies of separation. When I was pushed and pulled into the Donna Divina International Movement a couple of years ago, I was aware of the collective conditioning inside of each woman… the wounding around sexuality, men and our own body. I did not anticipate the level of pain that women had experienced with other women.

Even my own pain around this subject had been stored away inside, and the more I opened, the more I realized how deeply I was actually scared around women, and how much I perceived them as a threat and sometimes as competition. Some of my best girlfriends had interfered with my relationship with lovers and even succeeded, yes, taking “my” man from me. I had shut down and mistrust had developed out of these experiences. And even more so, I had conveniently forgotten that I also had been the one to “steal” a husband from a beautiful woman.

As I opened and felt the excruciating pain around these memories from the past, I found that many other women are keeping similar unprocessed stories and memories hidden inside. As a result, we feel unsafe in the company of our “sisters”, potentially the one magical place of spontaneous healing.

I now find that the more a woman heals her relationship with herself and reclaims her authentic feminine power, the more she attracts soul-sisters, and forms mutually abundant friendships with other women, coming back to living as the light and the love She is.

I’d like to suggest that from now on, between women, we just decide that competition and separation is over and instead use our time and energy to empower each other. In the end, we collectively share the same or very similar wounds, and we can heal and expose them to the light together. In the Wise Woman Circles, the healing is accelerated immensely.

In fact, let’s come together as women, in our truth, and use the relationship between us to build the mirror of truth we all really need… to see ourselves as we really are.

Relationships are the only real mirror we have access to, to see ourselves. Usually, there is the tendency to come together and reflect the things which are wrong; we speak about what is not working in our lives, we blame the other, the weather, the politicians, the boss and all these outer powers we seem to be subject to. This is such a waste of precious time. In a way, as we come together, we pull each other down, and continue to reconfirm how powerless we are in this world. Without being aware of it, we are holding up mirrors of disempowerment for each other, as if we were saying: “see yourself in here, you are small, you are nothing, look deeper and you might actually see all the things that are wrong with you.”

We got used to these disempowering mirrors as children. At home and in school, we would see our mistakes in a magnifying glass; “don’t to this, don’t be like this, you are not good enough, your homework is full of mistakes”. So it’s become a habit to continue the same pattern in our relationship and be really critical with ourselves and the others. These mirrors are reconfirming the little personality- the identity we have come to believe is me.

Seeing as the world is full of these disempowering or negative mirrors, what if we went step forth, right now, to change the quality of our mirrors? It just takes a conscious decision and a seven-day period to install a new healthy habit. What if we decide right now to hold up empowering mirrors only from this point on? They can become bright magnifying glasses pointing out our strengths, our beauty, our depth, our love, our generosity, our talents, our full amazingness? For us and for those around us.

These mirrors are actual mirrors of Her, or of Him, of the Goddess and God that we truly are. We need mirrors of truth, for seeing is believing. If we see the greatness we are, it grows. Wherever we place our attention, that’s where growth happens. So we do have the power to stop the old habit and become new, fresh mirrors of truth for each other, especially in the sacred relationships between women, thus empowering and supporting other women in our world.

Coming together as women and “practicing” to be mirrors of truth for each other is deeply healing and empowering. We just look into each other’s eyes, quietening the judging mind, the inner critique, and truthfully “seeing” the woman in front of us, with a healthy curiousity of who she really is. Breathing together in stillness, creating a safe environment in a Wise Woman’s circle or just with a loving friend … and She will show the truth. The mirror will reveal such pure and raw beauty that it might just take your breath away. This will allow you to see Her. Once you’ve seen Her, there will no longer be any doubt about Her existence and you will be able to see Her in yourself, even as you look into the bathroom mirror. The boost to your self-confidence, self-trust, self-love will be bigger than you thought possible. Again, come to see for yourself. Only a direct experience will be able to confirm my words. Step 5 in the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat is the magic process, in which Her existence is anchored so completely that your whole life and especially your relationships will never be the same again- their quality will have risen to a completely new level.

Often, in daily life, in our more intimate relationships with our partner, our children and family, we are faced with the most disempowering mirrors. What a contradiction. This setting should be the place for us to find stability, to recharge, to regenerate and often it’s exactly the place where the battlefield inside is made most obvious. I am deeply horrified by the sharing I receive from some women, who are living with partners that regularly abuse them verbally. They are living in a world of highly disempowering mirrors.

To change the quality of the mirror in your closest relationship there are two ways I know of:

- You can throw the old mirror away and buy a new one.

or

- You can change the one looking into the mirror and the reflection will change.

Sometimes changing mirrors is the only option. There is the risk that the next mirror will reflect the same image, since it’s you being reflected. So changing your inner world to reclaim your true beauty is much more efficient, because then the reflection of any mirror will be beautiful.

Intimate and truly loving relationships serve a high purpose, all of them .After a phase of falling in love, where the mirror is effortlessly reflecting stunning beauty, it may move into a phase of transition, where the mirror also shows ugly pictures. Now you have the choice to see, observe and surrender, learn and transform, or to shut down and blame the mirror. The more you blame the mirror, the more blame you’ll naturally see reflected. The more you see your own shadow parts reflected, and take full responsibility to work on your inner world, loving yourself, forgiving and then moving on, the stronger the relationship becomes and it naturally moves into Being in love. A divine dance has developed and both partners are nurtured by mutual love and acceptance, holding up empowering mirrors for each other.

In every intimate relationship, “buttons are pressed” repeatedly. Treat it as a blessing! This is your chance to do the divine work, to discover more repressed emotions and shadows inside of you that you weren’t aware of. Now you have the tool to guide you: E – Purification (as described in Step 2 – Woman are emotional). Each time a button gets pressed, or the mirror of love (Side note: we are taking as a given that there is love in the relationship; if there is none, better to change mirrors!) shows you some ugly image of yourself, ask yourself…does this really resonate with me? It could also be just a reflection of your partners’ shadows and repressed emotions. You’ll receive the answer immediately. If the ugly picture goes in like an arrow, it’s your “stuff”; if it’s more like dirty water that gently drops away from your skin, then it has nothing to say about you- it’s more likely a mere projection from the other.

In summary, whoever you meet is a reflection of you. The quality of the reflection depends on which mirror you choose to hold up, on your inner mirror. Remember, what you see on the outside is a reflection of your inner world.

Vanessa grew up as the fourth child of a family in the normal world. Her mother was the leader, the woman who was carrying the pants and made things work in Vanessa’s world, and her father was a hardworking employee, bringing in the supplies. Being the youngest of four, she was never really seen, or noticed, as the family was busy with meeting the challenges of a very normal life, bringing up four children. She was quiet, shy, withdrawn and did not think of herself as much. She felt like just a person, a neutral being on earth. She felt her only purpose in life was to support others, like she had done when she was little.

The day she finally had the chance to see Herself in the magic mirror of another Donna Divina at one of our retreats, she literally felt like she was being dissolved in a sea of liberating tears. The beauty she saw was so breathtaking, that at first it was impossible to even stand in such light. She went through the pain of reconnecting slowly. Then, shyly, she looked again. This time she could meet the “other” Her fully, with strength and joy. As she stood in Her glory, it dawned on her that she was actually seeing Herself. Never had she considered herself being female, but now her body loosened up and years of tension, tightness, keeping herself under wraps, in order, just fell away. Her hips started to move with her inner rhythm as she followed the new music. Both of the women danced together for quite a while and it was a dance of such sensuality that it took all of our breath away.

Vanessa shared with me afterwards that all of her relationships back home naturally transformed, and that now she could see herself in the female amazingness she had never noticed. Where before she was just focused on the other, there was now space... space to be, empty space that had been neglected for way too long. Her husband was blinded by the beauty of this new woman who so suddenly made an entry into his life and has reported that now, finally, he is free to love the woman he thought he married in the first place. He had been able to see her all along. But until Vanessa could not see Her in herself, it had been just an image. Now she was alive and vibrating in her glorious body.

Women deeply desire to be seen in their beauty, their breathtaking beauty. We keep this longing inside on a short leash most of the time because this desire to be seen and adored is not socially acceptable. There is shyness, shame, hiding around the longing, and it won’t go away by ignoring it. She is so longing to be seen... so she can see Herself.

Give yourself permission to follow your longing. The first steps are best done in a very safe environment and, of course, it’s easier with other loving women around you. We all share this same longing; it is calling us home.

Showing your beauty is not about creating an image of femininity. She cannot be found in fancy little handbags, or fitting accessories. Nor in any special make up or fashion style. She might move through them all, and there is no judgment for these outward expressions of woman. She is so much more than just an image we create and then try to live up to. What is the magic mirror then? It is not vanity; it is not outside of us- it’s Her presence, Her energy, Her scent, Her unspeakable preciousness. It’s Her soul, Her pure Beingness. She has a magical scent and way of moving with Her, which once you’ve come to know Her, you’ll recognize everywhere. She is everywhere.

Continue to look into Her magic mirror until the truth of who you really are has become an unforgettable, rooted reality. Move beyond the shyness, the shame, the stiffness, the doubts and objections. Open up to show yourself, as you really are, and you will be catapulted into the vision of your internal paradise– there She resides, the Goddess, the Goddess everyone wants to see, the Goddess everyone wants to serve... it is her breathtaking beauty that is so enchanting.

Let’s look into the magic mirror together for a moment. Just take a deep breath and allow all of your striving, struggling, objecting, doubting to just fall to the ground, as you relax into a sweet softness towards yourself. Just relax and let go.

Exercise – the Magic Mirror

Please invite a Donna Divina to come to share the following exercise with you, a woman you feel safe and naturally at ease with. It’s important to do this exercise with a real woman, a woman who loves the truth as much as you do. It’s not possible to do this little process by yourself, because where there are two, She resides.

If you don’t have a female partner to do share the magic mirror with, please contact one of the Donna Divinas, or Donna Divina Coaches (you find them on our website, www.donna-divina.com).

Come together on a specific time and date and find a beautiful and safe environment where you’ll be undisturbed for half an hour or more.

Now simply stand in front of each other, you might even want to hold hands for a moment, to connect and become silent. Start to breathe together, and allow the breathing to find the same rhythm. You are standing in front of a mirror, so it helps to synchronize your energy, and your breathing.

Put a little smile on your face, by gently lifting up the corners of your lips and relax. If you feel tension in your body, just start to move your hips a little bit, moving this Woman’s body softly.

Now closing your eyes for a moment, both of you let your hands drop and you let go of the physical connection with your mirror and bring all of your attention inside. Beautiful. Just allow yourself to be. Imagine letting the veils, the walls, the armour around you soften and fall to the ground. Take your time to give yourself the permission to be seen as who you really are.

Now, connecting to your inner music, you inner song, your inner rhythm, allow your body to move a little with your melody. Just a couple of seconds can be enough. Trust yourself.

Then both of you gently take a long, relaxing deep breath in, lovingly and consciously breathing the air out and then opening the eyes.

Just look into each other’s eyes now. You are standing in front of each other, as you are. No hiding, no veil, no armour. If it feels uncomfortable, that’s ok! Every emotion is welcome, actually it’s more than welcome.

Give yourselves time and space to look and see deeply. What do you see? If you could put it into words, what do you see in this beauty in front of you? Speak the truth, allow the words to come up and offer them to the woman in your mirror with all of your presence. One of you will speak and the other receives the words first. As one woman starts to share her words, the other just opens up wide and receives. Then the other will be the giver so remember to open and receive! Sometimes the words might touch something in you and more emotions come through. This is wonderful, just allow it. Feel it. You can even show it by allowing your Woman’s body to follow the energy, silently. Don’t allow the energy of the emotion to make you speak. Just pronounce the essential words of the truth of what you see in each other.

When I look at you, I see… (simply complete the phrase.)

What I see in you is …. (complete the phrase.)

Allow time. Savour the words, feel the truth. Feel what is happening and moving inside, while you give and while you receive…

Amazing!

At some point the magic mirror process will complete itself. Bow to each other, thank each other and then consciously move to a sitting, dancing or walking position.

Take a couple of minutes now to share what has been experienced. Then if you feel called, take your Wise Woman’s journal, start a new page and write down what you have been given. Write down all of the words that you received and circle the ones that touched you most. You have now started the list of who you really are, of your individual expression of Her. Please continue to add fresh realizations to this list, whenever you come across them.

In times of disconnection, open your Wise Woman’s Journal to this page and allow each word of the Magic Mirror to enter. This list can become your lifeline to Her!

Congratulations. Well done!

Examples from the Magic Mirror, women I have personally met.

What I see in you is:

Wisdom, such deep wisdom! I am meeting a deep mysterious mountain lake drawing me into its depths.

Love, a warm embrace which holds all of life in her heart without questioning, a love so huge that it blows me away.

Freedom, an empty vastness where I naturally am received and fly high.

Strength, the strength of a warrioress coming from her heart, and I feel safe in Her presence, I know she will always protect me.

Magic, I can see the dance of all the planets and suns of the universe in your eyes and sparkles of light everywhere, I see transformation comes easily to you!

Healing, you truly have access to the healing powers. There is a scent of soothing and bringing the natural flow back around you while I see you gathering the healing powers.

Power, I see into a volcano of all possibilities and there is no doubt that all of them will just happen, effortlessly. In your presence, everything is possible and there is an immensity of energy, like you can recharge all of humanity with your powerful presence.

Beauty, the beauty I see here is blowing me away, wants me to adore her, honour her, be at her service. I feel nurtured and stunned by such deep raw beauty.

Joy, the sparkling freshness of the essence of joy is dancing through your eyes, you radiate so much joy that I can’t help to feel light and joyful myself.

Innocence, there is an open heart here, free and innocent, untouched by all the stories and challenges of a complicated life, I immediately know that I can trust you completely.

Clarity, it’s like seeing through you, into a crystal, into a shining emptiness where every problem evaporates, looking into your crystal clarity makes me experience power. I feel that everything is allowed here.

Sweetness, while I see you, I also hear a sweet melody, soothing, seducing, inviting, and the desire to surrender to such sweetness is arising. I am attracted to and want to be embraced by the sweetness I see in you.

Seduction... I see the pleasure, the juiciness, the playfulness, the enjoyment of the dance of forms. It’s like I am seduced by you already, it feels like a female door to enjoying the pleasures of life!

Purity, like a stunning treasure, so pure, so open, openness to embrace all of existence, I feel like I wish to dissolve in this ocean of pure beingness.

Protection, with you I am safe, I can see that whoever has the privilege to be your friend or family has to fear nothing, you are naturally taking care of everything. There is a quality of Mother Earth, a full embrace of Mother Earth, which radiates from you!

Divine Perfection, when the Goddess made you, She certainly knew what she was doing. There is such perfection coming from yo that I immediately relax and receive the certainty that I can trust this life.

Harmony, I can see balance, stability and natural justice. When I see the level of harmony present in you it gives me sense of trust, you are a bringer of harmony to this world!

Music, I see a dancer, the celebration of the song of life, I am drawn in by a symphony, the desire to celebrate this life is very strong. I feel I want to sing and dance and celebrate with you forever!

Enthusiasm, your eyes reflect the gusto of life, the adventuress, the connection to the divine inside, enthusiastic about everything, and you transform even the boring in life into an adventure!

Orgasm, there is such strong energy with you, like a cosmic orgasm, so powerful! I am blown away!

I have met and continue to meet angels, elves, Goddesses, light warrioresses, dancers, priestesses, compassionate lovers, magicians, tribe leaders, healers, poets and singers, queens, princesses, fairies, hot sexual lovers, joyous fools, strong protectors, wise keepers of ancient secrets. It’s impossible to name them all, and they are all of simply unspeakable beauty.

All of this and so much more lives inside each woman. All of these female essences come and are embraced by us; they nurture us, and then transform into the next delicious experience of a new essence, in a divine flow. They come and they go, there is no need to hold on to any of them. They are you, you are Her. Just trust yourself and continue to look into the Magic Mirror until you “get” it, become Her, forever!

Then we are more than ready to move on to reclaiming our rightful throne in this life and live as a Queen in her Queendom! You are the most precious one!

Song -How could anyone ever tell you, Shania Noll

Chapter 18

As a Queen in Her Queendom

Every woman is a queen, and we all have different things to offer.

- Queen Latifah

“Always wear your invisible crown!” This life here and now is made of everything. All of Her essences are available to you in each moment. They come and they go. They are all welcome. We have high times and low times. An essence we know and love may come through and then one we don’t know or love yet may pervade us. It’s all right. None of them stay with you forever. Just relax and allow whatever is here for you now. Most of all – claim your throne back and wear your crown! In life we may succeed, then we might stumble and fall. We make mistakes and learn from them. It’s not about never falling, it’s about getting up again. Falling, getting up, putting the crown back on, moving on.

The sad thing is that most women don’t allow the Queen to come through and expose herself in this world. Again, fear of our own greatness keeps us prisoner. But She lives inside of you and She is here to give you strength and leadership. The Queen is present in all of creation, all of nature. All elements are just waiting to serve HER! Your power is limitless if you just allow it. It is all inside. Nowhere else. Trust Her! She is you!

So now, after walking through Step 5, after you really saw yourself in the Magic Mirror, the time has come to put the crown back onto your precious head. You are the only one keeping yourself small. Do you really prefer to play the roles of a servant, a handmaid, a maiden, a wench or any other because it makes you feel safe? Let’s start right away:

Meditation to claim your rightful place on the throne back

Remember, in this book, you can just read this meditation to yourself, or you can download the audio from the website and listen to it.

When you are ready, find a comfortable sitting position and take a deep breath in, while your eyes are gently closing and your body relaxes sweetly. Sit in silence with yourself, observing your breath and just allowing all of your attention to feel, sense and experience this woman’s body sitting here and now. Hear the sounds around you and allow them to be there as well, as you relax even deeper in this moment.

Smell the smells around you, feel the quality of the energy present here, and just observe. How do you really feel right now? Just take notice, and let go.

Then, find a place in your body, where you feel at home and welcomed. It can be anywhere, just trust the first indication and allow yourself to settle into this welcoming, well known, familiar and intimate place inside of you. It’s here for you; it is exactly as you like it, with the colours, sounds and smells you really love. It’s your most precious home inside, where you feel protected and nurtured.

As you explore this space inside of you, your home, you might feel so loved, so welcomed, so perfectly at home, that it becomes almost too much to bear. All this searching on the outside – and now the most perfect home is waiting for you, and has been waiting for you inside for all these years. What do you see, hear, sense, perceive in this soft and shining, comfortable and welcoming space of your own home?

Great! As you open deeper, settling into your inner home, enjoying it, you are starting to notice that there is a throne in front of you with carpets and beautifully coloured drapes around it and that it is waiting and longing to welcome you back. This throne, made of the perfect measure to fit your woman’s body, is calling you softly and is also made of the material that is your favorite.

Whenever you feel ready, take your first step towards your throne in your home. How does this make you feel? Allow any sensation or emotion to be here, as you walk slowly and consciously towards this place in your home which is magnetically attracting you now.

Step after step you walk up the stairs, or up the path, or even joyously jump up into your throne. Now you are right in front of it, looking at it, sensing its beauty, warmth and power. It is made for YOU! Really slowly, and taking your time, turn around and gently sink into your throne.

While you are sitting down, feel the warm and powerful embrace of your throne. Maybe music starts to play, and angelic voices are singing of your homecoming glory... all of the universe is vibrating with joy because you have reclaimed your rightful position on your throne, as the Queen in her Queendom. How do you feel, sitting in the place which has been waiting for you for so long?

Allow yourself to taste, smell, experience the naturalness of your throne- it is so natural for you to sit here! It is simply your most aligned position! While you open to the warmth, love and joy radiating from your throne, you might even pick up on the atmosphere of celebration that is rising all around you. As you become one with your throne, you suddenly become aware that very, very soft hands reaching down from the sky, hands so full of love and care, melting any resistance in and around you, are slowly putting your ancient and new, sparkling crown full of light back onto your shining hair.

Feeling the energy of the crown entering your head, just softly breathe a sweet sigh of relief as you are fully nurtured and regenerated into your Queen being, accepting, opening, receiving. The sparkles from your crown are reaching out through all of your Queendom and love starts to unfold everywhere, inside and out.

It feels like all of creation is celebrating with you right now and you just surrender and enjoy. Smiling from one ear to the other you might even experience the lightness in your being, as your natural female leadership reawakens.

How does it feel to be the crowned Queen on your rightful throne? Allow whatever feelings you feel right now to become even stronger. Enjoy and relax.

Now, take this feeling and this vision of you as the Queen in your Queendom into your heart. Feel how everything inside of you starts to vibrate with a new, powerful joy! It is like a piece of a puzzle has come back into its perfect position and is integrating into your whole being.

Then, take a couple of breaths and thank your inner palace for being there for you always. You now know the pathway to find it and you may come to sit on your throne whenever you feel the call. The crown is fitting perfectly on your head; it already feels like it has always been there and is simply a part of you.

You might want to put your warm hands onto the exact place in your body, where your Queendom dwells, honouring the space.

Then very gently and slowly, breathing deeply in and out, come back to waking consciousness. As you open your eyes very, very softly, allow your eyes to keep looking inside, into your Queendom, as well receiving the pictures and images from your outside world. How does your environment look now? It might have changed as well, just notice and receive the images, without searching for anything.

You are truly a Queen in your Queendom. This is your life and it is now. Look around you with your eyes full of female love, leadership and preciousness. Thanking yourself for even doing this meditation and reclaiming your throne.

Well done! Now slowly and very gently move your Queen’s body, stretch her, love her and whenever you are ready, get up and go back to your day. You might even notice that your whole posture and way of moving your body has changed.

Thank you for reclaiming the throne inside of you. This world needs all the Queens back in their rightful Queendoms!

Embodying the Queen has a lot to do with reclaiming self-confidence, self-trust and the reconnection with our preciousness as women. For some of us, this is easy; for others, harder. It depends on the depth of our wounding. The female preciousness has collectively lost its value over the millennia, and now we find ourselves as our own worst prison guards. This is over now. As simple as the meditation above might seem, if you innocently allow it to work in your inner world, it can become infinitely powerful.

Sometimes it’s easier for us to allow our female power in the context of relationships with men. I came across this quote from an unknown author. “Treat yourself as a Queen and you will attract a King”. This is a commonly accepted and quite fashionable statement- it’s ok to be a Queen, if it’s for your King. It is certainly a true statement. If you live as a Queen, only a King can come your way! As it is on the inside, so shall it be on the outside. Remember, reclaiming your throne is not about finally finding the “right” man.

It’s about you and your inner treasure- your female power wanting to be lived again. It’s about you trusting yourself and Her guidance in your life, taking the decisions which are in alignment with you (Her) and creating the life you have always dreamed of. If a King is part of this dream, wonderful! If not, great as well…

Living as a Queen in her Queendom is for you, and just for you!

Allow yourself to create magic wherever you walk. Living as Her, in your inner palace, does not mean that you become a severe ruler and take on responsibility for everyone around you. That would be a more male idea of leadership. Being the Queen you are is about allowing you to be Her, to be one with creation and to love and cherish yourself first. It’s so much simpler than any other way. It’s about allowing your rhythm to be heard in the world, and more importantly, it’s about allowing yourself to learn to trust your rhythm and to enjoy and love it again! It's about going with your flow, taking responsibility for your life, your inner world, your needs and desires, your truth.

Inside of you there is a life-rhythm, a sound and beat that is uniquely yours. Let’s call it the rhythm of your sacred drum. It’s Her rhythm- the one She wants for you. Although in the past you might have denied your rhythm and instead followed the rhythm of those around you (like that of your partner, your kids, your bosses, your peers, your mother and father), the times have changed now. As the Queen in your Queendom you have reclaimed the power and effortless joy to listen to, dance to and live to your own rhythm. It might feel a little awkward in the beginning, but as you start to play your own drum and sing your own song, it becomes easier and easier and it starts to happen very naturally.

What is it that you desire? What kind of song would you love to bring into existence? How long ago was it that you gave yourself the space to inquire into this possibility? Have you ever?

I also thought it impossible at first. I didn’t even know if I had a rhythm of my own. I was shy to listen for it, because I was afraid of the consequences it would have on others. Here I was, a free woman, with the privilege of living in the western world, with no visible boundaries, and still… I wasn’t playing my song! I did not even know if I had a song! Then a Wise Woman lead me up the stairs to claim my throne. It felt so good, so natural, so integrated. It was so powerful up here! As the crown was placed on my head, all of the fear and worries left my mind. I was left in a song, a symphony of beauty. And then, as I opened my eyes I saw sparkles all around me in the air, around the things and people. Even the animals where sparkling, the plants, and most of all, the atmosphere.

I looked around in my life, and the inner drum of mine started to play a very strong rhythm. I gently started dancing to it. No one was offended or hurt; on the contrary, they smiled at me and I even felt like “they” were seeing me for the first time. Following my rhythm also meant being able to hear all the other rhythms around me. I noticed that some were in tune with me, and some were out of tune. In an effortless way, the places, people and situations with rhythms out of tune with mine just left. I went to play my rhythm with ease, focusing and listening only to my drum and so it happened that circumstances and people in tune with me, were attracted, and others, out of tune, just left, without drama, naturally.

That’s the way my life has moved ever since. I opened up and allowed the natural movement of occupations out of rhythm with me, of friendships, of ideas and ideals; I came into synchronicity with new activities, friendships, impulses and situations, many of them so new and unexplored that I could not even have dreamed of them before. As an example, I left several organizations I worked with, without resentment, and with mutual respect and love. I was drawn into creating a completely new universe, a new adventure, called Donna Divina International. I let go of so many things that were out of tune, like helping my husband in his company, or working hard every day for 10 hours at least- things I thought impossible to let go of, with ease. Following my sacred drum has brought me into a life of such sweet, feminine flow that I didn't know existed. The best thing about following my rhythm is that it is so simple- I just listen deeply and enjoy. She and Her guidance take care of the rest.

You might say, yeah, this sounds like a fairy tale and what about all the obstacles and problems of real life? How can you be so simplistic and just follow your song? I need to get food on the table and don’t have time to waste with listening to rhythms and trusting, meditating and doing nothing!

I understand you, I get you! I thought the same. As I shared before, I am a very grounded and practical woman; there is not much space for lofty promises in my world. What can I say? I did not believe in this myself and then it just happened. Once our throne is reclaimed (without doing much more than going deep inside yourself), the usual fear and doubts lose their grip on us. They are still there in the background, they come up once in a while, but the effortless song inside is simply much stronger. Following your sacred drum means living anchored with both feet into mother earth. It does not mean sitting around at all; it actually is very active, an active and honest dance, which guides us into a life in our very own Queendoms, in alignment with Her.

Oprah Winfrey has expressed it this way: “Think like a Queen. A Queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”

I’d even dare to add to her first sentence: “Be like a Queen. Move like a Queen, act like a Queen and behave like one. She is you – already!”

The problems don’t go away, and the obstacles and challenges of life will always be there. Everything changes for a Queen. She loves the obstacles, the problems; She knows they are here for growth, to encourage her to move forward in this adventurous journey called life. She trusts her drum and she knows that her very own rhythm inside knows the answers and solutions to each “outer” challenge already.

What is the sound of your own sacred drum? Take a moment to close your eyes and to listen deeply inside. What tune does your inner song play right now? Is it silent, soft, sweet, romantic, slow, medium or fast paced, strong, powerful, super-fast? Just listen. This is your rhythm.

Now, move your hips and body a little to your own drum, use your hands to bring the rhythm to the outside, play an invisible drum and have fun. You are right now receiving the full permission to play your own drum and sing your own song!

You can open your eyes now and continue to play your rhythm. Just go with the beat She wants for you, in each moment, allow it to change whenever it changes, and please, never again change your very own beat just to be in tune with all the other rhythms around! Anyway, you are so full of music that you don’t need any other rhythm to inspire you. You are so enchanted listening to yourself that whoever plays around you doesn't even disturb you, as they might have done before.

Every rhythm is welcome. There is no need to judge different beats- they are just different, that’s all. There might be some beats in tune with you and it’s great fun to play together, and when you meet others out of tune with yours, you just naturally move away. Be gentle with yourself, and as your music comes through, take time and space a couple of times a day to listen to your sacred drum, and even dance and sing to it!

How to trust your drum? Well, it’s easy! As you dance in your own rhythm, you are dancing in your tune, and trust will just flow effortlessly into you. You become the witness of all the liberating results in your life. You will just see and experience them around you. You are in the female zone now, in the feminine flow. Flow is another word for having remembered the secret to happiness.

There is this mini leap of faith needed to really be able to reclaim your throne – and after all the steps we have already walked together so far into this book, it is really a small jump for you to take, a clear choice. In the freedom of my own being, in my Queendom, I step into the unknown, into the realization that I cannot know or control how life will unfold...which events will manifest, or which people, who will be in tune with my sacred rhythm and who won't. I make the choice to trust the rhythm of my sacred drum inside as Her guidance. It is really a choice. Take it now!

I took it a couple of years ago. As I have shared with you before, I spent most of my life in this woman’s body trying to be the better man, just to feel in control and somewhat safe. After I first fell into the feminine flow, very spontaneously and unplanned during a couple’s retreat with my husband, I did not really know what had happened to me! There was this delicious new soft, nurturing, loving and surrendered, much slower and so receptive rhythm inside which made my skin shine and my eyes sparkle, and had actually transformed my appearance into a much younger lady.

Yet something happened that triggered fear and terror inside, and unspeakable pain, coming up from all my female wounding of the past, which now lay wide open. As a result, I experienced the feminine flow as uncontrollable, a rhythm that quickly changed from bliss to hurt, and it felt too much for me at the time. As soon as we came home from the holidays, I slipped back into my “better man” protection role, much to the regret of my husband. I felt that I could not allow this female rhythm to flow in the real world, which I perceived as much too dangerous. How could I be safe if I allow such openness, receptiveness and the incredibly big “unknown”?

Of course and fortunately so, falling back into old roles wasn’t an option anymore. My body refused to live on male energies now that she had gotten a taste of paradise. I felt continuously overwhelmed and an age-old tiredness took over. I stumbled into confrontation with my husband at least once a day, and there was struggle everywhere.

This is why I decided then and there to take the little step into the unknown… I decided to give Her space, and I do not regret a minute of this decision!

It’s not worth it to waste our energies trying to control everything around us. By simply listening to our drum, not only do we fall into the natural feminine flow, but we also give the permission to everyone around us to beat their drums at their genuine rhythms. Every conscious and well-growing business group or enterprise encourages whoever works within the organization to play their own drums and to be true to themselves; it’s the only way we can create a symphony together, each being true to their inner truth and talents. Then if the rhythms change and get out of tune, it becomes easy, natural and loving to just let go and move on, as a natural part of life.

The inner drum is calling us home, and we are called to concentrate on our truthful rhythms to then play a divine song, altogether, a song which naturally finds its own harmony, without being false, or forced, and a song of union arises naturally. You are not your shadows, your fake roles, your guilt, or your “badness”; you are not the false one or the sweet and nice one, the pleaser, the giver, the bitch, the revenge seeker, the black sheep. You are all of this in coexistence, and you have direct access to every living experience on this planet. And you are also none of this. Ultimately, you are not your emotions, not even your essences. A very powerful enlightened Indian Master, Papaji, said it this way: “Whatever comes and goes, isn’t real.”

Emotions come and go, states of being come and go, roles come and go, your body comes and goes. By playing your sacred drum you are giving yourself permission to meet whatever is in your woman’s body, the ordinary and the extraordinary. Just play your drum. Allow the Queen to live in her Queendom, reclaim the feminine flow. You deserve this and every woman around you does too, as does every living being. Stay in each moment and accept it as it is. It’s too simple to write more words about it.

My deepest wish for you is that while you read this book, or while you are experiencing the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, you can let go of controlling and knowing. Allowing the unknown flow to be your lifestyle, and let the trust in your sacred drum’s rhythm guide you. May your beautiful song arise and bring even more light and love to this planet!

Living as Her, Being a Donna Divina, a Divine Woman, is the change the world needs to see now.

The role of woman is to embody all of existence. Now go ahead and start to celebrate your new life!

Exercise - Take the Queen you are out to a celebration night

Fix a date in your calendar, an evening just for yourself. Of course it can happen in the presence of other Donna Divinas, and be sure to invite only conscious women to this celebration, women who have done the exercises proposed in this book together with you or gone through a Donna Divina Initiation Retreat (or any other female path) previously and have reconnected, seen and experienced Her. It’s really important that you give yourself the gift of a truthful celebration now, with loving support, as it might feel like it's a big step you are taking. If there is no such woman around you at the moment, just plan a night out for yourself.

Choose a conscious and safe environment. It might be your own dining room. Prepare some festive decorations for your table, if you wish, and cook yourself a celebration dinner or ask someone to prepare it for you – which might actually be a step for a Queen, to be served for once.

Then prepare yourself for the night. Consciously choose beautiful clothing, something that represents your inner Queen. How does she look? What colours does she like? You might even want to go shopping for your Queen’s dress, or ask other Donna Divinas to help you find Her perfect outfit by going through your wardrobes together.

Take a cleansing bath before your dress. Put candles around you and play some relaxing music. Consciously wash the old roles from your skin.

Love each sensation! Caress your Queen’s body with oil, natural creams, scents and enjoy! Pleasure is natural in your Queendom. Take your time, there is no rush now. Listen to your drum and go with your own rhythm. Touch Her like the most precious Beloved you’ll ever meet. It’s true. It’s who you are!

You have now created magic all around you; just feel how nurturing this is! Now go ahead and consciously dress Her in Beauty. Enjoy! You might want to put some Queen's make up on, or not. Sometimes it’s liberating to take all the masks off, and sometimes, if we have been too timid to ever use make up, it can be good to just go through this limitation and give ourselves the gift of looking all dressed up, with shining makeup. Just follow your drum.

Then enjoy the evening with Her. Just celebrate! This is your celebration, so treat it as if you were spending time with the most important person on this planet. Because you are!

I trust that you’ll have loads of fun. After dinner you might even want to dance with yourself to some amazing music.

Great, we now are truly ready to turn the page and walk, run, dance and fly Step 6 – Celebration as a way of life …

Song- Sing your own Song, Miten

Chapter 19

Step 6 - Celebration as a way of life

I am a drunkard from another kind of tavern. I dance to a silent tune. I am the symphony of stars. Tonight, the moon kisses the stars.

– Rumi

My grandmother was a very humble woman. She would mostly dress in her work clothes- simple, grey garments, accompanying her mostly grayish working days. Her house was also dressed in basic colours. There was always an atmosphere of seriousness and hard work surrounding her. She was definitely stuck in the “have to’s” like most of the people of her generation. In her closet she kept a beautiful, colourful dress, wrapped in plastic and protected with moth balls, waiting for the one special occasion, the one great evening out, the one celebration when she could dare to wear it. As a little girl, I loved to sneak into her bedroom, open the closet door and admire her one beautiful dress. I imagined her wearing it, dancing in it and being beautiful in it. Many times I asked her to wear it and show it off for me, but she never did. She said to me: “This dress is reserved for a special celebration.” I didn't understand why she would just keep it there and never wear it. The years passed. The special celebration didn’t manifest. She never wore this dress, and when I was older, I secretly sneaked back into her bedroom to see it, but the dress had been removed from the closet. She died many, many years later at a very old age, and the sad truth is that she never wore her beautiful dress before leaving her body.

Waiting for that special occasion to celebrate your life and essences, who knows if it will ever arrive? Why wait? Who decides when that will be? You do! Today is a perfect day to wear that dress. Today is the best day to celebrate!

Once reconnected to Her, and living in her glory, celebration becomes a natural way of life. It’s everywhere. It’s a celebration that doesn't need alcohol, or drugs, or special occasions, or even that one life event. Every moment is an invitation to celebrate. “Get out of the shadow, come into the light and smile”, She whispers. This day is precious and you are precious. The simple fact that you are breathing, and that you are here right now, is enough to celebrate this life. Inviting pleasure to accompany your days is what She wants for each one of us.

Let’s fill our houses with flowers, with living plants, with beautiful things, with music and song; let’s share and remember all the thousands of things we are grateful for right now and which are already in our lives; let’s bless ourselves with little gifts, even very small, sweet gifts to acknowledge our greatness and how far we’ve come on our path; let’s listen to our drums, and dance and sing to our inner songs; let's bless the people around us, even just once a day through a little note, a smile, or some kind words of truth! We don’t have to wait for a birthday or Christmas or any other special occasion to let our friends and loved ones know how beautiful they are and how much we love and appreciate them. Sometimes hugging someone: a simple, conscious, present hug, is an amazing celebration. Sometimes it’s just a smile. Sometimes it’s mirroring another woman and letting her come home inside through our presence. Let’s share ourselves and the blissful life with Her!

What is celebration, really? It’s the appreciation and acknowledgment of what is. It’s waking up smiling in gratitude; it’s sensing the water drops of the shower on your precious skin and enjoying it; it’s dressing in beautiful textures and cloths which nurture us; it’s eating vibrant food; it’s loving ourselves and our amazing female bodies; it’s the permission we give to ourselves to be who we are in each moment. It’s expressing our ever changing female essence freely. It’s creating magic moments all around us, little ones and big ones, and it’s inviting simple and big pleasures back into our daily lives. It’s touching our bodies with consciousness and love, massaging them, caressing them. It’s stretching them when they need it and it’s breathing into them and actually feeling what is going on, smiling inside to each little cell. It’s nurturing ourselves with what we love.

I love being massaged. I allow myself a massage once a week, or once a month, to be touched lovingly. I also love going to a sauna and enjoying the warmth moving through Her beautiful body. Sauna, here I come, this is a good day for a sauna! I also love to take walks in nature and I walk into the nurturing forests every day. What is it that gives you pleasure? How can you invite it to be part of your daily life?

Is there space for celebration in your life right now? How many times a day do you celebrate?

Donna Divinas are always celebrating, living in constant gratitude. “I am counting my blessings as I lie here in bed” is a line from a Kirtana song. Gratitude is such a powerful way to open up into celebration. What is it in your life that you are grateful for? Start to count your blessings regularly. If right now you think there is not much to be grateful about, I can assure you, there are hundreds, maybe thousands or even tens of thousands of women out there in the world who would gladly switch places with you, dreaming about a life like the one you have and that you just might be taking for granted. Start to be thankful for the little things, like the possibility to walk, dance, sing; not everyone has the privilege of this gift. Or for the ability to see, hear, sense and taste. For the warm and cold water coming out of your faucets. For the heating or cooling in your house, for the food you eat, for time for yourself, for the walk around the block, or even the free choice to watch your favourite shows on television. There is nothing here that lasts forever, and a grateful heart always receives more.

Donna Divinas have realized that there is no “way” to happiness- instead the truth is that happiness is the way. We celebrate by making love and giving ourselves fully to that love. We celebrate by receiving whatever comes our way and saying thank you. We celebrate by setting boundaries and by taking precious baby steps while we are still healing. We celebrate by uplifting the woman beside us, inviting her to trust, giving of our light instead of “lamp-shading” our own light to make her feel less threatened.

We celebrate by doing the things we love and we stop doing the things we don’t love. Who is telling us to do what we don’t like, anyway? There is no one! Maybe there are some residues of parent’s orders, social limits, rules and regulations swimming around in our minds, telling us how to be and what to do. As soon as we inquire deeply here and now, the surprising truth is that there is no one stopping us, apart from ourselves. Let’s stop wasting precious “life” time and give ourselves our place at the table of the feast of this life.

We celebrate by moving our woman’s bodies by getting to know them, by falling in love with them like sweet fools, by listening to our body’s needs and actually taking care of the fulfillment of those needs ourselves. We celebrate by resting, relaxing and, retreating when we need space. We celebrate by dancing like crazy!

Step 6 in the Donna Divina Process is to reconnect to celebration as a way of life.

There is no way you will go to heaven and stay there, living in paradise, without moving your body- it’s natural to move. Ecstasy is right here, so go ahead and just dance yourself into it. It doesn’t matter if you are not a dancer, it doesn't matter if your moves are right on, or if you have never danced before. It doesn’t matter if your body right now is in good shape, or if you feel timid about dancing or are even blocked. Just dance for yourself, for no one else. It’s all in the body, your body, remember?

It’s about gently pushing yourself now into the divine delicious movement of your body, which will then join with your soul, your mind and your spirit. At the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, at some point, celebration just happens naturally, as a spontaneous expression of Her. At this point in the book, it might already be here for you as well, and if it is not here yet, just trust and walk the next step into a celebration of yourself- a crazy, over-the-top ecstasy! You may have already gotten a taste of this in your life before, maybe on some special occasions. How about inviting this into your life – everyday?

It’s our choice. There is no one around to limit us. The truth is that She is laughing all the time, happy and joyful, full of love, because this is Her nature. You can connect to Her nature every day. Don’t allow the conditionings, the past and the seriousness around to stop you in your natural way of celebration.

Having fun and playing around does not come from outside stimuli. Yes, outside inputs might trigger fun: a funny movie, a day at the amusement park, a special birthday party, a dancing night, a happy celebration vacation… all of these outside experiences might bring some momentary relief and are a lot of fun indeed. How many of those special, playful occasions have you planned? I hope many! If you haven’t, there is good news - the real celebration lives inside and is always available – with or without outside occasions.

Just allow yourself to dance and sing all the time, especially when you are alone. Sing under the shower, sit down with a great song you like and sing it out loud. Put music on in your car and sing along. Invite friends to come to your house and organize singing evenings. It doesn’t matter if you think that you can sing or not. It doesn’t matter if your voice breaks while singing. Just use your voice, sing and dance- use your divine woman’s body and it will celebrate with you. It might be a little rusty if it hasn't been used for quite a while, but the rust will blow off quickly and the colors will come back. Singing and dancing creates happiness hormones in the body – for free.

You might feel tired, and your body might indicate it would prefer to sit around, to lie down or to sleep. This might be true, maybe you are overworked and need rest. It might also be just a habit of “no movement”. Give it a possibility, sometimes pushing yourself over the limits of what your “mind thinks what the body needs” brings you into a reconnection with your real body needs. Yes, sometimes, it’s the mind keeping the body safe and stuck, whereas the body actually craves movement.

Once your body gets back into the flow, it will naturally produce all of those happiness hormones and then celebration just happens naturally. At the beginning you might need to push yourself a little bit to allow dancing and singing, sharing, smiling, laughing, being, gratefulness and pleasure to happen – just to realize it has always been there and is actually a natural way of life.

Celebration as a way of life guarantees a lifelong connection to Her, without ever losing ourselves again in the conditionings and limitations, and even if and when the shadows come up, (and they will) we have the choice to celebrate life in their presence. Even more so, we all have superpowers, our talents, our amazing beauty, our Her, and by celebrating continuously, these superpowers become regular guests inside and the female flow becomes a constant state of being. So get out of your chair now and start to jump around in celebration mode, just like when you were a little girl, still one with the universe. Old or young, we all have reasons to celebrate – because life is happening now!

Patrizia‘s Story

When I came into contact with Her during the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, I felt real vitality for the first time in many years. I clearly received the message that I was powerful, and then and there I started my process of transformation. At the beginning, this process was still very subtle and fragile, but soon the thread which linked me to Her began to move in a powerful way. Tangibly it was manifested through a change of values, in the rediscovery of my own needs (which until now had been completely suppressed) and in rediscovering my interests and again listening to my inner feelings. This whole movement induced by Her led to considerable changes also in my family, especially with my husband, who was very frightened by this new "me" he was facing. So many things have happened in that time, I always felt very lucky to be part of the Retreat and for the opportunity to getting to know the real me I had forgotten about... Her! There were many unexpected, even painful and tiring moments which presented themselves... you know, I was confronted with skepticism, mockery, indifference around me, and sometimes I didn't "understand" myself anymore. Now it's clear that all of this was necessary to change old patterns that now were no longer part of me.

The first retreat for me was the return to Her, and this drilled a hole in the wall of conformity that I had built around me. Little miracles took place, as I began to choose consciously for my life, rather than suffer through as I had done for years before. These choices were strong, certain, crystal clear, and even though I had no idea where they coming from, I was making them. Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but for me it was a completely new way of moving in this world. After this first retreat, I also came home with the "feeling", the feeling of a complete reconnection with Her, and this has never left me. Then the opportunity came along to be an '"Angel" at the second retreat (role of support assistant during the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat) and it was then that I received the "bomb": the big, great transformation happened! I also "saw" this transformation take place inside of me in a very precise image and I hold it closely to my heart because I wanted to share it by asking Ninya to make it visible through one of her paintings. It was in this second retreat that my self-awareness expanded with such power that I had never experienced in any way, shape or form in my life before! Then the "trouble" began- the crisis in which the real change was hiding - took over. The whole house of cards that was my life, the whole construction I created according to expectations and desires of others, well, it all began to falter and eventually collapse miserably. My work, my intimate relationship, the relationship with my daughters, everything. All that I had previously held dear in life was on the ground, in the dusty rubble of a total collapse. The greatest pain I have ever felt in my whole existence was the rupture of the relationships with my daughters. The umbilical cord was cut with such violence that it left me speechless, without resources, without prospects, in silence - for two months.

My work, so heavy, exhausting, frustrating, suppressing, became unbearable. I was giving so much of my time and strength to this job without sufficient economic compensation and the debts piled up day after day. I felt like I was in an absurd and hopeless spiral. The relationship with my husband was worn out, strained, surviving from one bill to the next. I could see nothing to heal. There was no salvation, I couldn't escape to avoid feeling all this. All I could perceive was the truth that had now made itself very visible right in front of me. While all this was going on, I was very quiet inside and I knew everything was going in the right direction.

I realize that it's not easy to understand this feeling; it's totally irrational, and yet I knew that despite all that pain, I was going in the right direction and I was coming back to me. It didn't matter that I was in what others may have called a “total disaster”; some "miracle" would happen just to remind me that everything was fine and I was simply brought to Her - even in the chaos! Really weird and unexpected things happened during this time and I'd love to share this story. I got to the point where I was feeling sick in my own house- I could no longer feel at ease in there and so I decided to do a little "feng shui" to bring renewal and movement into it. I began to take away “stuff” and continued to remove more and more. To cut a long story short, I took the marriage gifts (things that in thirty years I had never used) to a second hand shop and I sold everything. I started to like it! I gave away furniture, lamps, ornaments, curtains, even the appliances! I even sold the complete master bedroom set and ended up sleeping on just two box springs and mattresses, without any furniture or lamps in the room. I emptied the whole house! Now slowly, slowly, new things are moving in. The house was still very empty. During this process, the house sent Her clear messages. The floor of the house that for thirty years was an exhausting and impossible task to clean has now become the best floor I could wish for! I completely changed the use of the room and the floor changed too- as if by magic, by itself, without our intervention, as if it were alive!

What I find really interesting is that my husband agreed to this “madness". In fact he has supported it physically by removing furniture and dismantling various ornaments; we even removed the wallpaper- the desire for fresh air was so strong. Now I go into my house and I feel like I am in my nest; it's a different life!

We also have let go of our jobs- it's simply gone, we let it go. It's history and I am not worried about it anymore. I know I did my best and the expectations that others had of me are no longer my problem. The relationship with my husband is still in difficulty and we are making small steps in the right direction. The relationship with my daughters is damaged and I don’t know if it’s beyond repair; it seems like this for now, and there is also a small miracle in all this chaos. After assimilating the break in my relationship with my daughters, weighing and balancing it all, I also took time to reflect on my relationship with my mother. We are now in a great place together; I take care of us and I have comprehended many, many things! So thanks to my daughters and their behaviour, a huge release has taken place! Yes, this is definitely a miracle!

It is thanks to the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat that now I continue to feel alive, full of love, and for the first time I know I am worthy, that I am ok just as I am, with an incredible power inside, with "something" inside that vibrates to guide me, something that I did not feel ever before! I feel light, happy, and sometimes I am a butterfly with the desire to fly! The doubts have left me, I feel no limits, I have permission to be myself and I feel especially able to understand the feelings of others. Even more beautiful: I no longer need to receive the approval of others!

To sum it up, living with Her has changed the way I evaluate things. I have switched from being a victim to being a creator, from the enduring to choosing, from being alone to being together. I find it hard to explain how deep this turning point really is: in reality my whole world has changed, because my perspective has changed, my perceptions, my values, my certainties ... everything has changed! This change has brought so much peace to my life! Choosing from this peace - how different life is!

Now what I find absolutely different is that I found my power: I can choose, and now I know it. I can choose how to deal with whatever comes my way. Before I was not aware of this possibility and I always seemed to be in some misfortune or another. I am now more relaxed- I choose and I face my obstacles with this certainty in my heart: I am perfect the way I am, and I also like myself so much more! This is easy, because the connection with Her is fresh, present, and comes in a flash. I also find myself to be much more aware and sensitive to nature, the sky, the sun, and I often find myself singing! That’s something that I haven't done for more than thirty-five years! I open my arms and hug the world - crazy stuff, really! At least in my part of the world they would define this as crazy!

When I least expect it I feel Her inside of me- vibrant, cheerful, full of life, full of desire to move in this world! Sometimes I listen to the music from the retreat because it’s such a magical vehicle that transports me instantly into the amazing world of Her, made of love and understanding, sisters and hugs. I feel Her in everyday life, not always, but at the right time She is there! The way I connect is when I go for my daily walk, just Her and me, rain or sun in my face and hair, music and time for myself. In that moment we become One, and I realize that I am happy, and I start noticing unusual details in the environment around me, signals and signs and messages. This is how She communicates Her presence, and it seems that time stands still. There is such an amazing energy- an hour is enough, and then I come home and I know I'm not alone!

Celebration as a way of life is my philosophy! Every day there is something to give thanks for. Tonight, for example, walking back home, I enjoyed a spectacular sunset sky with wonderful orange and purple colours. I was so moved, and I was so thankful for the opportunity to see it. I even started to wear makeup again! I am proud of the way my eyes look with eyeliner, and I love my body again. Sometimes I feel like a crazy beauty! I gave myself a new hairstyle, I go out to dance and have dinner with friends. My life is full of blessings, and I believe that life is a unique, infinite, wonderful celebration, always, even when we do not realize it! The concept of all: right now I realize that I have ALL that I need. Perhaps it is not all that I thought I wanted, but I realize now that I was the first not to know what I needed and therefore was chasing false necessity! Now I welcome what comes; and I ask, and then I welcome what Grace - She brings to me ... and She knows better than me what it is! It's easy to live like that!

“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the colour purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.”

-Alice Walker

Exercise - The everyday celebration dance

It’s time to celebrate, naturally, sweetly, just with yourself. Take a deep breath and allow all of the pressure to leave your woman’s body. There is no one watching and there is no need to perform. You might want to invite another Donna Divina, or a group of other wise women, or just celebrate by yourself, whatever way you choose is fine.

This exercise requires space for your body, a space big enough to be able to move your body with outstretched hands- the bigger the space, the better! Take a full hour of time and make sure that you won’t be disturbed. The best possible situation for you would be that you have your whole house to yourself and the freedom to play loud music. If only one room and medium volume music is what you have access to right now, that’s ok too.

Download the songs of the playlist suggested below and put them on a CD or on your computer/smart phone. Test to see if the music works, or ask for help to get this done if you need to, and adjust the volume until it’s perfect. Make sure that the songs will be played in the suggested order and that they will just continue to play until the end, without you needing to intervene. Wonderful! You are now ready to start the celebration dance.

The following celebration dance will happen in truthful connection with yourself. You will connect with your body and allow her to move as she wishes, without any pressure, following every move she desires to express. The movement will come from the inside, so give yourself the permission to listen deeply and follow your body’s wisdom. This celebration dance is not a spiritual practice, so please let go of this whole concept. There are so many spiritual practices we can do, and they all require rules in order to connect to the divine in ourselves. Maybe you are doing some practices already, maybe not. So often when we try to perform spiritual practices, trying to fix ourselves to find the reconnection with the spiritual realms, we actually lose touch with ourselves. Osho, a well-known spiritual master, said that women are natural spiritual beings, and that there is nothing they need to do in order to be spiritual, because spirituality is already inside of them. She is already you, so just forget any idea or concept of wanting to achieve something through your celebration dance, you are Her already!

Before you switch on the music, take a deep breath and close your eyes for a moment. Feel your feet on the ground and allow your body to soften. Give your body the full permission to express herself, as she is, as she likes and as she prefers. Allow the movement to arise inside and then express itself outside and just let the music be a delicious sound around you, which might inspire your body to move. Wonderful!

Now softly open your eyes and switch the music on. Then close your eyes again and keep them closed during the whole music time. Allow the energy to rise in your body, and give yourself the full permission to dance full out! Give yourself to your dance, with all of your attention, your presence. Allow your hips to move, allow your body to feel the fire. Listen to your arms and let them go free. Just let it go!

This is your space, your time, your dance. Let go and be with yourself. Enjoy and allow. Be soft and strong. Trust whatever energy comes your way. I wish you a deeply nurturing celebration dance!

When the music stops, stay standing or sitting with your eyes still closed. Listen to your inner world. What is happening inside? Be with yourself and celebrate Her and you – as one now! Really give yourself some time in silence before you get up and move about your day. I am sure you’ll see your life with different eyes now.

If you liked this dance, you might want to make it a new habit, taking 30 minutes to an hour every day, to just dance with yourself and celebrate your day. Try it out - Miracles will come your way, I promise!

Here is a proposal of musical inspiration, put into sequence for a “Godly” experience:

Feel the Rhythm of Your Heartbeat, Mayana Music

Adi Shakti, Snatam Kaur

Ocean of Mercy, Jaya Lakshmi & Ananda

Sweet Freedom, Safari Duo

Next to Me, Emeli Sandé

Let it Go, Frozen

Precious Child, Karen Taylor Good

The Power of Love, Frankie goes to Hollywood

Gentle with Myself, Karen Drucker

Chapter 20

Living as the Donna Divina

“I saw myself being liberated to become a Donna Divina and to bring women back to their full potential. Without doing anything really, just by being.”

You might have experienced this for yourself already by now - that once you are reconnected to Her, have felt Her, tasted Her in your body, spent some time as Her, the reconnection is re-established forever. A huge shift has taken place in your life. Female energies are flowing freely in your cells, walls and veils have fallen, and the way you perceive, see and sense your environment has changed. The feminine flow is remembered and has delivered the first gifts to you, by making real miracles happen in your life.

Smaller and bigger shifts are taking place in your outside life, without you doing a thing. Actually, you are doing big things - you are deeply enjoying life and loving yourself, sharing Her with the other women around you. You have fallen deeply in love with yourself as Her. This is forever, I promise.

This is why the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, this book, the website, the info material, the audios, the future online courses and everything else is, was and will be born in the Donna Divina International Universe, exists... to facilitate this one seemingly small passage for as many women as possible, right now, right here.

A small step for a woman, a huge step for humanity.

So simple, so natural and yet so deeply forgotten. The Initiation to Her, to the most natural being inside you have always been.

We have walked the path together …

(Yes, right now we have walked six simple steps and there is one more to go, and these seven steps are really just one step - a small, natural simple step into Her. Divided into seven phases, blowing up the seven seals from the one big portal to Her, which was closed and is now wide open. Although, in truth, it has never even existed.)

… in these pages and I honestly, deeply and absolutely would love to hear from you. How are you now? How did you experience the steps? How have you met Her? Did you know Her before reading the book? Did you meet Her here? What questions do you have left? Please write to me, whenever you wish. You may find my contact details on the website www.donna-divina.com.

I have asked some Donna Divinas similar questions, a couple of months after or even years after the live Donna Divina Initiation Retreat, which I wish to share with you here:

How has your life changed after the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat? How does the shift towards Her manifest in your everyday life?

Monica Gasparini says:

“I was called to the Donna Divina Initiation Retreat at the perfect moment for me, when I was going through a strong transition phase in my life, separating from my partner after 7 years of living together, and which had catapulted me into a state of inner investigation. “Who am I really, what is really important for me, how do I want this life of mine to be?” were questions which longed for urgent answers. A change of destiny was knocking at my door.

The retreat turned out to be a process of progressive inner purification and of reconnection to the truth inside of me, with Her, who I hadn’t been listening to for a long, long time, much too long.

Walking the seven steps towards Her brought me to become conscious about “the original wound” which had silently piloted the choices of my life, especially in relationships … and bringing the wound to the light took the power away from the old pattern, leaving space for the truth of who I am and I found … Her! I was able to touch with my own hands and heart the beauty of feminine energy, which is in each woman and which connects each one of us to each other. I have met other living examples of feminine power, women different from the ones I knew and who were living in Her…

My life has profoundly changed, really deeply. Now I listen to myself; I am in contact with my deeper part, the one who knows, the one who has the answers and this makes me feel centered inside. I feel free! The truth of who I am has set me free and continues to set me free day after day! The good news is that now I feel well only in the presence of truth, with myself or with others. Before, I fled from the truth here and there and lived in and supported the half-truths in and around me.

Today I feel strong, capable of meeting what is - with courage, trust and also a bit of magic, the magic to “create” solutions, out of the unknown, with Her and as Her. I am softer and sweeter with myself, with the words I use inside my head and with the words I speak out loud, and when I look at myself in the mirror, and with how I treat myself in general. I like spending time with myself now - I even have fun with just me. I'm just having fun living with Her and as Her, because She and I have become One.

Obviously some old patterns show up here and there, and when that happens, I usually notice it immediately and thus it just “blows up” and evaporates, if not at once, at least in a short period of time. This process of natural transformation didn't work so well inside of me before. When a conflict came up, I used to suffer a lot from it. Now conflicts can occur, and I can actually laugh about it while it happens! If difficult moments arrive, I can count on the presence, support and natural listening of other Donna Divinas and this creates a power within without comparison. I am connected to Her who is me and with the other expressions of Her which are reflections of the Magic Mirror. Not only am I never alone or forlorn again as a woman, I am living the union with feminine strength continuously! I am living my life the female way now. If before the Retreat I didn’t know what that meant, now I know and I am living it with strength and joy!”

Gloria Girelli- Bruni's describes her experience this way:

“My life has completely turned around... filters, masks, cleverly designed armour, roles, convictions, conflicts, wounds, that all kept me far away from the simplicity of the essence of who I really am, was enlightened, washed and purified in Her Divine light.

I feel so much more solidarity with other women; I have learned to look and see beyond our “personal conditioning”, to feel that female energy which connects us.

I met the Divine Woman, I woke up to my Divine Woman, who had been sleeping, or maybe I hadn't ever really met her. And with Her, I know that I will never betray Her again. I will give Her the space to breathe, to feel and to dance Her true expression.”

Bea Puiu instead experienced the transformation in different ways:

“Donna Divina has been a revelation that allowed me to open the path to a deep listening and a constant centering on my body, to a direct access to emotions and to a freedom never experienced before, living them without limitations! Generally I live with much less critical judgment of other women (and men too!) and carry within me the great confidence of being able to access this source of inspiration at any time - Her!

Now I am familiar with and use practical tools in my artistic work and in everyday life, because She is part of me and my life, my creative work, my creativity. I travel light and my example can often inspire others- women, men and children.”

As much as the shift towards Her is forever, the initiation took place and is now in place inside of you - "you are either initiated or you aren’t. It's like being pregnant: you can't be a little pregnant - you either are or you aren't!” - the habits of the old, safe and small personality and ego will challenge you and call you back to normal, to “before”, time and time again.

Please relax. here is a connection secret we will explore in the next chapter, which will lessen the “attacks” of the little you to a small disturbance, comparable to a lost fly who incidentally entered your room - easy to chase out again.

In any case, Monica, Gloria, and Bea have all mentioned how to continuously reconnect with Her, how to celebrate and how to live the effortless amazing woman you are until it becomes completely natural. They have, like every Donna Divina who has been initiated, lived up to the new commitment to continue and nurture Her inside, effortlessly. It happens by itself, and they all have discovered the secret of how to never lose yourself again. If a Donna Divina gets lost, she picks up the phone and calls a “Magic Mirror”, another Donna Divina and the reconnection is instant. Or she puts some divine music into the stereo and dances herself back into Her through the body. Or she purifies the old emotions through E- Purification. Or she opens to the perceived hell, dances with her shadow and falls into paradise. Or she tells the truth. Or she invites other Women to Wise Women Circles and is regenerated in just a couple of minutes by the mere presence of Her in each woman. Or she just comes back to Her by observing, opening gently, loving and nurturing herself. It’s all immediate and done in the simplest ways imaginable.

“I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert

Again, come to see for yourself. Only your direct experience of initiation into Her will prove my words right. I have written these lines to inspire you to never give up again. You are not alone. She is with you. There is certainly a huge, bright light at the end of the tunnel of female repression and I promise you, it’s not the train, like some people might want us to believe.

Living as a Donna Divina is the best lifestyle I can think of for myself or for any woman on the planet, because it is living as who you have always been. The relationship with yourself changes so deeply that as a side effect all of your relationships improve, even your mother and father will relate to you in a new, compassionate and loving way, complete inside yourself... a divine woman now - free from conditionings and faults, simply free. Living as a Donna Divina means adopting an honest lifestyle which explores life itself as it is, a life in female freedom.

A couple of years ago I was inspired to write a book called, “I am Mary Magdalene and so are you”. I am not feeling the calling to write this book anymore, although it might come back. Living with Her also means to live in the unknown and allowing whatever comes, to come and whatever wants to go, to go.

What was the purpose for this impulse? In my inner world I had been guided to meet my version of Mary Magdalene again and again. I processed through her relationship with Jesus, as it was stored in my inner world, through the perceived guilt, the terror of repression, the escaping and hiding from persecution and the painful separation from the eternal lover, the isolation and the many other aspects of the repressed divine feminine. In spite of all the shadows which visited me at that time, the love she – Mary Magdalene- carried inside, never stopped. I felt called to write about her as I perceived her inside. I collected and channeled whatever arrived in my inner “inbox”.

I became obsessed with Mary Magdalene’s story for quite some years. I read every book I could find on the subject, I spoke with hundreds of other women in the Magdalene fever and went on a sacred pilgrimage to the south of France to walk in her footsteps. To my surprise, I started to find signs of her, physical signs of her presence all around me. I am very privileged to be living in a blessed place in the Tuscan landscape, very close to Sansepolcro. I like to call our location the sacred garden of Saint Francis because it is situated underneath a sacred mountain called La Verna, where the Saint spent the last years of his life alone with nature. I wasn't raised in any particular religion, although as a child I was baptized in the Protestant Church in Germany, and in our family we were free to choose what faith to embrace, if we wanted to. I chose to live without any particular religion and was guided to eventually find the divine residing inside. This is why I had no real interest in Saints or religious stories, until the day Mary Magdalene showed up in my inner world.

As I was visiting the Saint Francis sacred sites all around me, to my great astonishment I would find Mary Magdalene everywhere! There were statues dedicated to her, entire sections in the different monasteries for her, paintings showing her with Jesus or as herself in the chapels. I wondered– did Saint Francis have a connection to Mary Magdalene? Today I’d say he certainly did, and in the meantime, my interest in these mystical connections of the past has greatly decreased.

Why?

The truth is that I was hooked; I was looking for Her outside, and it felt exhilarating to be on a hunt through the hidden riddles of the past. I could lose myself in the attraction of walking the labyrinths which are said to be connected to her, which are an instrument for finding the connection to the divine. I became a fanatic follower of past religion, especially to the secret and rebellious side of it, and as I was catapulted to look for Her outside more and more, the inner visions and dialogues would decrease. There were even moments where I felt myself to be the new embodiment of Mary Magdalene and my ego was nurtured by the whole game of being very special. I reached the climax of this deception in the south of France, as I walked on Mary Magdalene’s footsteps with a large group of her followers and the ego games between us became obvious – who was the most connected one? I “got” it there and then, in one of the chapels dedicated to her, that yes, Mary Magdalene is one archetype of expression of the divine feminine, and her presence is really important right now on the planet, but if I am Mary Magdalene, so are you. Being one with existence means just this – be one with life and embodying all there is. Once we are open, the access to every living being and experience is available and that does not make anyone special - it’s just natural!

Eventually, the whole illusion fell away. I realized that many women on this earth have no connection to the divine feminine through Mary Magdalene, because they don’t even know her- she is not part of their religious background. Does this make them less divine in their feminine essence? Of course not! They have other figures with different names which embody the divine feminine. This is what all the saints, the Goddesses, the Archetypes, the Women Figures we adore, are: embodiments of aspects of the divine feminine in freedom. They are women who have lived as Her. We are noticing Her greatness in them, in their life stories. They inspire us to become our own version of the divine feminine, as She comes through in Her unique flavor inside of us. It’s about you, and always about you. About your inner world, your version of Her to be manifested in the world. The inside expressing itself, newly and freshly, in freedom, every single moment.

She wants you to be Her, in your way. She does not want you to compare yourself with anyone else. There is no need to live up to any outside role model. Living as the Donna Divina is simple; it’s the most natural thing - you are “it” already. There is no striving in it. It is just your truth on earth, and it might be a huge call, a big energy coming through which inspires thousands, millions even billions of other people around you, or it might be just the life at home. They are equally divine. A Donna Divina lives in inner alignment with all there is, also with her calling, her work, her relationships, her status quo, her mission. Being mother, for example, mother and housewife can be living as a Donna Divina. It has been immensely devalued in our society, and I ask: isn’t raising children and being a loving woman in union with an authentic man not one of the most divine tasks of all? A mother has the power to create the future of the country. Being mother also means being a great leader. Our countries will be in the hands of our children and 50 years from now, the world will show how a mother has formed her children - now in the present. Today’s leaders of the world all had a mother who did not know at the time that her son or daughter would become the state head. No mother can know who she is raising, a Donna Divina will naturally raise divine children.

Living as a Donna Divina can be in any form, with a family, with no partner at all, in a career, in whatever outside role we are in – as long as it represents Her calling inside of us. It might be a quiet life in alignment with Her or a busy one. Just surrender to Her call and She will show you the way – into the fresh unknown of every moment. You can be whatever is here for you in any moment - you can change, create, work miracles, just let Her in and take over. Relax and surrender. It’s so simple and that’s what it makes it so difficult to explain.

Here is a taste of what I received and wrote during my Magdalene period, it might still inspire you:

“Nothing was important, only to be together and serve humanity. The Divine speaks: For eons of time, I have been waiting for you, giving you each and every support, making your life beautiful so you could relax and be happy. And instead you would suffer. You would not turn around and make that tiny step into your divine powerful grandness. Instead you would play small and be completely lost, missing me and missing love. Your life was living hell! How dare you not forgive yourself? How dare you remain blocked in the midst of such beauty?”

“Now is the time to unveil the truth of WOMAN, the Maria Magdalena in every woman, ready to throw the cross of repression with fiendish rage over manhood, so that it will break into billions of pieces and all lies will be shattered. Then the truth of love enters into all women’s hearts, where the female goddess is hidden. Sisters, it’s time to BE, confidently take rise into the leadership of the human race, this time in love.”

“I am Maria Magdalena, I am in you, woman, in all women. You must not seek me, kiss me, adore me outside of you. I am in you. And there will be a time for every woman, this perfect time for the liberation of true love, which is now. I adore you, all women. Together we can love man enough, powerfully enough, to heal each and every soul. It’s time we started, and we have to start, we know this and only fear is holding us back. Now there is a gathering of courageous women, ready to expose and just like me, to rise above all suffering, for love and freedom’s sake. Go now and BE the teaching! Will you? Get your act together, Goddess! Smile and be and please take the pretense of soft sweetness and suffering martyr beauty out of my portrait. I am a real woman, flesh and all, powerful like God or Goddess themselves, He - She is in all living creatures.”

I personally continue to receive Her call, only now it’s free from outside representations. She whispers that now is the time that She, in all of Her aspects, wants to take a physical form on the planet – through each one of us, as us, and you and me are not opposites but complimentary expressions of Her. The energy shift from predominantly male energies to a rising of female energies is happening while I am writing and while you are reading. Rising female energies, Her presence, now on the planet is, in my opinion, the only hope this planet has to survive. Her rising is happening individually for each one of us and collectively as a sisterhood. It’s time we allow the questions inside to arise and find the answers which have never been allowed before. It’s time that we join hands and make Her homecoming happen, hand in hand, together. There is a Divine Feminine movement going on around us. We are moving into a new phase and we are all living as Donna Divinas – now!

Exercise- Design your life as the Donna Divina

As we are slowly moving towards the last step of the Donna Divina Process, take some time for yourself with your Wise Woman’s journal. Find that female space somewhere in your house or around, where you can just be with yourself.

Before you start the following inquiry, you might want to close your eyes and feel inside of your body, where the drum is playing and the inner song continues to guide you, connect to this tune and start to move your body accordingly. Take a couple of delicious minutes to express your inner rhythm by allowing your woman’s body to dance to it.

Beautiful!

Now sit down comfortably, open your Wise Woman’s journal to a fresh page and get your pen ready. Then close your eyes again and begin to softly inquire into your inner world, asking yourself:

If I could design my life, exactly how I wish it would be, how it would look like, taste like, feel like, how would this life really look like? What would I look like in it? What would I do every day? Who would be around me? If I had all the power of manifestation right at my command and I could start fresh, right now and right here, how would I create my life?

Give yourself time to explore deeply. Ask yourself: What is the ultimate truth? How do I really desire to live this life?

While the question is repeated once again, allow all of the images, sensations and crazy ideas to free flow and surface. Allow yourself to be surprised! If there was no limit to what you could wish for right now, if you had the magic wand in your hand and could use it, unlimited, what would you really, really manifest?

Ask yourself again: If I could design my life, exactly how I wish it would be, how it would look like, taste like, feel like, how would this life really look like? What would I look like in it? What would I do every day? Who would be around me? If I had all the power of manifestation right at my command and I could start fresh, right now and right here, how would I create my life?

Then slowly open your eyes, take the Wise Woman’s journal and write, design, free flow every aspect of what is here right now and is happening for you inside, onto the fresh page.

Clarity is power, so take your time to describe your life in detail.

Well done! You have just redesigned your life the female way. The sacred commitment to Her inside of you has been reinforced. The words you just wrote are a step into a new, more female, more wholesome world. I bow to you!

Song - Shake it off, Taylor Swift

Donna Divina, welcome to the tribe. Let’s now take the last step together, Step 7 – The Connection Secret.

Chapter 21

Step 7 – The Connection Secret

"If it's not simple, it's suspicious."

Sonia Choquette

Imagine being seated in a circle of Donna Divinas. Each one of them deeply initiated into her deepest female potential. All women present are aware and conscious of their power, beauty, strength and divinity. You are one of them. There is no question, doubt or trace of insecurity in your mind. You are enjoying the moment. They are now asking you to come into the centre of this powerful circle. A magic you cannot explain envelops the whole scene. You feel deeply touched inside, as if little loving, healing hands are nurturing your each and every cell. As you walk into the centre of this circle, you are realizing how blessed you are. Gratitude overwhelms your heart: it’s full, so full that it can’t help to just overflow with love. Unconditional love. The women are starting to sing. It’s like time stops for a moment, as you realize that they are singing your song, the one that is only yours, that has been hidden inside of you for centuries. Tears stream down your cheeks, tears of open surrender. They know you from the inside! They “get” your soul! Then, while you are looking at the beautiful reflections of yourself in each Magic Mirror around you, they suddenly all join hands into one infinite universal blessing for you. The room is flooded with bright light, as the divine energy of your awakening to your fullest potential arrives inside of your consciousness. It hits you softly. You are now initiated to live the life of a Donna Divina.

The Donna Divina Initiation Process is very natural and simple; actually the Donna Divina teaching is so simple that I honestly have no idea how so many words could join together to fill up a whole book. I am in awe. I bow to you for inspiring me to share with you. You are now standing on Step 7, wishing to learn about the connection secret. There is no secret, it’s all in the open. And still it’s secretly hidden.

To remain connected to Her, to live as an expression of the divine woman you are, to never lose yourself again ever, to be happy and fulfilled all the time, there is only one thing you need to take care of:

Live your talents.

This is it, there is really nothing else to add.

At this point of our journey, we may have had the chance to dance until we fell apart, and we may have used our voices to sing out loud. We have certainly celebrated the Goddess in every woman we meet by honoring Her with our eyes, hands and words. We may have listened to amazingly powerful music composed and sung by amazingly powerful divine women. We may have even nurtured ourselves by admiring their paintings, listening to their poetry, sharing our inner worlds freely in a circle of Donna Divinas or just with one woman friend, who by now has become part of ourselves. We have definitely met our shadows inside and we still keep inviting them; we are also continuing to purify our emotional bodies whenever necessary, trusting and listening to our inner drum’s rhythm ever more, and we may even have had a lot of fun by celebrating and dressing up as a Queen. From now on, we have given ourselves the permission to continue to dress and be as we wish, knowing that every day is a special occasion. We have reclaimed our thrones in our own individual Queendoms and we are now unleashed to live the divine woman’s life in the world.

We have done it - we have walked the female path and met Her + Me = One. The only thing we need to do now is to keep the connection open, even in the face of challenge.

Now, I could give you all the usual good advice on what to look for, take care of, do for yourself on a daily basis, to remain connected to Her; things like remaining in touch with other Donna Divinas around you and meeting regularly, honouring each moment together, trusting and reaching out whenever you need to and feel disconnected or isolated. I could tell you that it’s important to create Wise Women circles where you can be exactly as you are and fall into trust and be seduced by love, this love that you are. I could encourage you to continue to take care of your miraculous woman’s body, to cherish her, honour her, listen to her needs and take care of them. I could remind you to celebrate whenever you feel like it or don’t feel like it, because pleasure is certainly good and healthy for women. I could encourage you to never give up, to keep up the good work we have done so far and repeat, continue and repeat, until it becomes second nature. Never give up, I mean it!

I could remind you to keep up the good work, and remember that you have permission to ask for help and support, to move into connection instead of isolation, to trust Her manifesting in you in the myriad of forms which at times you don’t even understand, and to repeat the seven natural steps to a Divine Woman’s Life over and over, for more and more freedom!

I could add on top of all of that that we even have the internet to keep in touch, and if you are allergic to the social media in any way, I could tell you, just think what Jesus would have done if he had lived today? How would he have broadcasted his message of love and union? Would he have used Facebook or not? You’d probably agree that He would have used all of the communications tools available and then you’d also start to use the internet for your own highest good.

I could tell you that Donna Divina is an International movement and that you can find us on the internet all the time; so trust and relax, you are not alone. I could say, see, this is the connection secret, just keep in touch. See yourself in the Magic Mirror often, come to Donna Divina seminars and give yourself the gift of Donna Divina Coachings, enroll into the Donna Divina Online Programs to continue to go ever deeper together, repeat the live Donna Divina Initiation Retreat as often as you have the chance to, and you’ll be fine. Bring your mother, your daughters and sisters, bring all women you care about, and we’ll be even finer.

And all of the above is true. It sure works to keep yourself connected to Her.

But there is also a much simpler way.

Just live your talents.

You might say now: “What do you mean, just live my talents? How could I do this? I am busy making a living, taking care of my kids, family, my aging parents. My job needs my full attention and there is no space to live my talents - how can I do this? In any case, I don’t have talents. Or at least I can’t remember what they are.”

The sad truth is that most of us have forgotten to live our talents, and even worse, we often can’t even remember what they are. Or if we remember, we can’t seem to make space to use them.

This is what the collective conditioning of the past 5000 or more years of female repression and of the general trend of losing the connection to ourselves in this so called progressive society has done to most of us. In school, we learned early on to repress our individual talents and become like everyone else. We were trained in the general skills we needed to make a living. Putting an “earnest”, bread-and-butter profession before the juice and fun, before the lightness of existence. Why did we allow this to happen?

Because it gave us the illusion of safety. We signed up involuntarily as children and then more consciously as adults, to repress our natural, goddess given talents to live a life full of compromises, just to be given a safe job in some company, which gives us a salary, month after month, to survive.

Times are changing now. It’s not only an inner liberation to find our talents and nurture them; it’s even required to be able to thrive in the information age. This is good news, even if it means allowing change and that might feel scary in the beginning. Since now we are so deeply reconnected to Her, walking the last step of the seven natural steps together into our talents, is easy. We have gathered strength and courage to allow the transformation to occur.

Change happens in a second, it can happen in a split-second. It can then stretch over time to become physical reality. As a child, I grew up in West Germany, and all I knew of rivers and streams was dirty water. The rivers of my childhood were dark, black, smelling waterbeds, straightened out in beds made of grey concrete and full of industrial waste, in and around them. I had no picture, image or knowledge of the existence of clean water in rivers, streams or mountain sources, and even the water that was used to create artistic fountains in the city was undrinkable. As far as my world was concerned, this was normal. “All rivers are made of dirty water and this is the status quo.” I did not miss clean rivers. I did not miss swimming on them or drinking fresh water from a fountain. I was fine with artificial swimming pools full of chlorine and bottled water to drink. I had never known anything else.

When I was eighteen I met my first clean and pristine river in the Italian countryside, and I saw happy people swim in there. How long did it take to change my worldview? Yes, that’s right, just a second. It took a couple of months for me to trust this new phenomenon of clean and clear waters, to actually go and swim in them. Secretly I did not trust the change for a while; I suspected that the clean waters might still contain some invisible industrial poison and if I swam in it, it would be harmful to my health. Even though all the swimmers seemed to be happy and fine, I needed the proof of their survival from the water after a few days. Maybe even months to be sure that they actually survived the swimming. Then I needed to take baby steps - first to just dabble my feet in the water, and realize that it was a fun sensation. Then to become more courageous and slowly move into the river water up to my knees, then the hips, and then to take the leap of faith and … swim! Now my reality had completely changed and clean and clear waters in rivers became the new status quo.

The same is true for any change. If you believe that you don’t have any particular talent, it’s just because you were raised to believe this, and not living your talents is normal to your world view, and also because everyone around you is fine with not living them. As soon as you travel to a city where everyone lives their talents, change happens in a second. Then, of course, you’ll need a bit of time to adapt to the change and make it your new status quo.

I’d love to invite you on a journey to the city of Talentià. In this city, people are living their talents; they are encouraged to do so from early childhood on and the schools are based on a free choice about what the children wish to learn. The eyes of each citizen are full of light; there is this atmosphere of busy harmony all around and as you look deeper into the families, you notice that they are thriving and prosperous. Every morning, each citizen wakes up with a smile, and then jumps out of bed, eager to start a new, fresh and promising day. During the early morning hours all you can hear is the sound of joy, because many people just naturally sing some happy tunes while they prepare for work. They can’t wait start the day and do what they love most, giving space to their natural creativity. Opportunities for growth and abundance are offered everywhere- happy people exchanging their talents means that there is always plenty for anyone. This city knows no recession, or depression. It’s a simple and natural city, which honours each individual, because they have comprehended the simple natural law: if you are in the flow, in your zone, all the rest is taken care of naturally.

Hmmm. Sounds like paradise on earth? Maybe. Fortunately these “cities” are not just my invention. Today in the world there are already a few communities of individuals prospering in this new lifestyle, and many more are looking at these trends, feeling attracted to and preparing for the change in their own lives.

Living our talents gives us the one thing we are looking for in this chapter, a natural connection to our individual female flow (and of course, this works for men and children as well). Ask yourself, what is it that you love to do so much, that doing it would never make you feel tired? What is it that comes natural to you and nurtures you while you are doing it?

Maybe as a little girl, it was clear and you could feel it. Was it dancing, singing, painting? Was it gardening? Was it helping others? Was it walking in nature? Was it speaking, or telling stories? Was it writing or inventing something new? Was it making music? Was it fixing or building things? Was it some natural capacity in a sport? Was it to speak in different tongues? Was it to create harmony? Was it to create beauty? Was it to be in nature, taking care of the animals? Was it reading? What was it for you?

Talents are innate capacities which you are naturally good at. They are divine, given to you at birth, with the simple task to live them, nurture them and make them shine. Talents are our clues to a fulfilled life. They are also our clue to what we were born to give and contribute to the world and people around us.

For example, an apple tree has the talent to create apples. A highly appreciated talent which serves everyone around it. If the apple tree tries to make cherries, it not only will continuously struggle with no result, and it also will be forever frustrated and out of the natural flow. This inner state will eventually stop it from producing apples, because it will stop to flower when it's the natural time for flowering.

What I am saying to you here is- live like an apple tree.

You might be confused as to how to find your talents because way too many influences have asked you to make “cherries” for way too long. Just ignore everyone around now. Trust only Her inside of you. Allow yourself some time to dig deep and reconnect to the talents you always carried inside. She has put them there. She wants you to come back into the natural female flow, to create what you were born for. The best news of all is that it is so easy and effortless and it will make you prosper in all areas of life too!

Trust yourself. Your talents have always been there for you. Most certainly you are even using some of them in your daily life already. There are hundreds of talents inside of you. The art of living in the female flow is to choose the ones that are in alignment with you in this lifetime and are now calling to be realised. On a deeper level you already know which ones they are. These capabilities come so natural to you, they are so uniquely You= Her, that it may be difficult to “identify” them. Sometimes knowing yourself is the most difficult task.

This is why Magic Mirrors can be really helpful in this process. In my first magic mirroring moment ever, the Donna Divina in front of me told me that she could see a priestess who had traveled through all of the ages and knew all of the secrets about life. I could not believe that someone would ever say these words about me. I had done everything to hide from this essence inside. And secretly, carefully protected, I never shared with anyone that this is exactly how I always felt inside. It just comes natural for me to “know” without knowing, to enter into the wise woman’s belly wisdom and hear Her showing the answers to the riddles of life. This is one of my talents, it has always been here. Did I “see” it? Of course not. It was well repressed; it would show itself in rare moments and it would catapult me into a state of flow and oneness, but would I give it space to accompany me in my everyday life? No, I was the first one to judge it harshly and keep it under covers, almost ashamed of such a gift. Yes, this is what we could be doing to our talents right now. We might be suppressing them.

But they – our talents - will not give up. They are Her presence inside of us, which will never give up trying to bring us back into the obvious - Her talents, She wants to live through us. She will knock on the door until we open – open enough to love ourselves and let the talents be lived.

If talents are repressed, un-lived, they sabotage us. They are knocking on the door, first quietly, then ever louder. This may sabotage the quality of our lives, through an inner disturbance, frustration, restlessness, fleeing, searching … This inner disturbance then shows up as an outer reflection of difficult relationships, work or money situations, losses, illnesses and a general expression of life in a “crisis” state. It might even culminate in important illnesses, losses, separations, bankruptcy and accidents.

That’s when we usually are forced to stop and reflect. Moments of reconsidering our ways of living, of being. Moments of Her calling us home to our talents.

If we decide to live them, every day giving space to one, to three of our most pressing talents, our lives become a journey of beautiful, blissful, happy, fulfilling, joyful existence in the feminine flow.

For the last time in this book: come to see for yourselves. Only your own direct experience can prove this very simple truth: live your talents, and they will take care of you. Automatically you will live as an expression of Her!

This simplest facet of the truth is challenged in a thousand and one ways in daily life in this normal world. If it were easy to apply to our own everyday life, every human being would already be living a life of happy fulfillment. It’s like we have been conditioned and reconditioned to never allow our talents to flow through us. There is always something more urgent, more important, more profitable, more immediate, more comfortable and more habitual to do than to live our talents. It’s like we have collectively decided to settle for a life under the lampshade of mediocrity.

For a Donna Divina, this is not an acceptable condition. Thus, She is committed to claim her talents back. The most simple thing of all is just not easy.

The journey to live your talents is definitely worth it! It might take a couple of months, years or even a decade as it did for me, but it’s the most divine of journeys- back into Her as Her and with a shining life all around you. Start with baby steps and give yourself 10 minutes a day for your talent and then allow the time to expand around it, to half an hour and so on. It’s like introducing little pills of bliss and automatic connection to Her into your daily life.

How do you reconnect to your innate talents? There are many ways. The answer is within, as you know. For now, take some time for yourself, get your Wise Woman’s journal out and go through the following questions. This process might take a couple of hours, even days. Start now. Then set another time to explore even deeper.

- What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

- What would you do for just the love of doing it, even if you would not receive any money in exchange?

- If you could choose – looking at all the people in the world – to do and be what someone else already does and is, what would that be? Who do you admire? What does this person do or represent? What do you like most about her/him?

- What is it that inspires you? What do you enjoy because it's fun? What is it that makes you happy? Allow yourself to write a long list about what truly juices you!

- What do you like to read? What do you love to speak about? Which situations do you love?

- If you were to write a book, what would it be about?

- What is easy for you to do? What are your talents (from when you were born) and what are your capabilities (that you have developed during your life)?

- Make a list of fifty or hundred of your talents. Go to our website www.womenrisingfromtheflames.com,sing up to receive the audio files and you’ll receive additional resources, together with a list of talents to inspire you.

- Which kind of “intelligence” are you most drawn to?

- Musical, social, physical, intuitive, practical, analytical, virtual, spatial, linguistic?

- Imagine you had only six months to live, what would you start doing today, if this was actually true?

- Remember the moments in your life, when you were in the flow, when you had access to bliss and extraordinary energy? What were you doing? What were the situations in your life when you’ve been extremely motivated?

- Compare the things that inspire you, give you fun and make you happy to the list of your talents. Circle the talents which also provide fun, happiness and inspiration. These are a good indication of talents which want to be lived in this lifetime, your golden talents.

- Make a list of the wake up calls which happened in your life (accidents, illnesses, losses, other difficult situations). Ask yourself, what was the gift of each of those difficult moments in my life? If each of those moments held an important lesson, what was it? What was the best thing that this wake-up call gave me? What talent was I asked to bring forth to master the situation?

Great, well done. Choose one of the talents and start to use it on a daily basis. Allow yourself from 10 to 30 minutes every day in the beginning. Notice the changes in your life. Bring in a second and a third talent. Feel and experience the difference. Trust that you will be guided by the results. Notice that the time in the feminine flow naturally grows. Give more and more space to your talent. One day you might realize that you have created a livelihood out of your talents. That’s when you are living as Her.

Shortcut to enlightenment for Women

Maybe enlightenment is not something that is important to you at all. Maybe you are on a spiritual search and are longing for it. Maybe – like me – you have been searching for this strange thing, sitting with Masters and following all kinds of different teachings.

Whatever your relationship to finding the truth of existence is, I have some good news. As women, we are already spiritual beings. No need to sit in caves or to follow specific practices. She is already inside. Coming home to Her as we allowed together in this book, is actually a shortcut to enlightenment. The search is over. Donna Divinas naturally embody all of existence, wherever they are and whatever they do. Can you relate to this now? There is nowhere else to search. She is the answer, and since She is you, you are the answer. Allow Her to live you, allow Her intuition to guide you, allow Her thoughts to be your thoughts and you will see how there is no more struggle inside you. The mind chatter just falls away naturally, because your mind is at Her service now. You might just remember where you put the car keys because, in that moment, you need to get to where She wants you to go! When you become one with Her, all of the false identity just moves out of your system. It’s that simple. Just continue to invite the very thing you are standing on to crumble- your old beliefs and identity. Of course, no one wants to die, everyone wants to go to paradise, but if you look at the seven steps we have walked together, you realize that parts of you, the small identity, have already died and left you. Are you ready for Heaven now?

Choosing to walk any other path towards the promised land, with lots of practices and theory and hardship for a woman, can be really painful. For women, She is the answer. Trust Her. She will always only want the best for you!

Donna Divina International welcomes you. Many women are uniting in this call and we are ready to allow Her arms to expand around the globe, allowing ourselves to become priestesses of the truth fully rooted in our daily, female lives. Maybe She is also your call. You are most welcome to join. Donna Divina Initiation Retreats in the future will be available online so you can participate from the comfort of your home and or you can experience it live in many cities around the world. Just continue to follow us- we are already deeply connected. There are a thousand and one ways to be part of Her coming home, bringing more and more truth, love, and awakening to heal this earth planet.

I’d like to conclude our shining time together walking the seven natural steps to the Divine Woman’s Life with a closing communication from Her. Looking forward to meeting you in the female flow…I bow to you and honour all of you, HER that dwells inside you.

She speaks

Understand, my daughter, that the pain and suffering inside of you, are part of each woman. The times are mature, the pain is growing inside. It’s going to be unbearable for each woman who continues to live in the world as it is today.

This world has been created by men, there is no space for woman. The pain helps to move woman into finding her space. She has no choice, she cannot continue to do nothing. The energy of awakening has grown stronger in humanity.

I am guiding you, so fear not. It just seems to be a meeting with death, when you meet the truth, but the only thing that dies is fear.

You are free like horses… sensitive, beautiful, fast, potent and capable, powerful and rising. You’ve been cheated and mistreated during the millennia of the past.

Your fresh union will lead you into a sacred honouring of love and truth. Horses and light beings will energetically carry you on their strong backs with infinite love, while you will heal your ancient wounds.

You’ll fight a sacred war inside, you’ll be strong, and ready to take the heads from any man turning away from love.

Oh, you don’t want to take heads? I know and the time requires you to act violently, brutally taking away the minds. There will always just be love in any of your actions!

Love is your essence. For way too long you have confined your power, and now that it’s unleashed, in the beginning there will be chaos, a divine chaos, inside each one of you. So much power that you’ll not know what to do with it!

Then you’ll listen.

I am always with you, guiding you. Happy, so happy, that the time has come. The first simple task for each one of you, is to find a space for yourself. Each and every day, half an hour as a start, united in your inner secret place. Half an hour to dance, sing, write, paint, walk, eat, pray, love, meditate -your space.

Now, live the divine work. Listen deeply inside, come together often. The times have come to bring paradise back to earth.

Song –Paradise, Coldplay

Gratitude for the Birth Process of this book

Gratitude

“all I have, and all I feel, is all because of you ...

… and I thank you! “

Olivia Newton John in “Grace & Gratitude”

Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the hundreds of women (and men!) who have allowed the birth of this book from women, for women and with women. Without you, it would have never been realised! And because I simply won’t be able to mention you all personally, please receive my gratitude anyway and in an immense way!

Together we have allowed a book of “guidance” to manifest - a female guide with the name of the “Donna Divina” who resides in each one of us.

Thank you to the five Australian women, and especially to Laurie and Satya, who were the first to come together for months and who received, together in a female circle, in exposure and freedom, the first draft of a potent initiation retreat to the divine feminine. In this, they have brought into the world a movement, a series of coincidences, which brought my daughter Ninya and I to become part of their masterpiece, and this is the foundation on which Donna Divina International started to grow.

Thanks to my female mentor Brandon Bays who has granted me all the space, the time and the invisible care behind the scenes. First, by giving me the tools to be able to liberate myself from my personal blocks and heavy weights and then to go beyond and share the truth of this existence with thousands of people and become a seminar leader – it’s thanks to her that today I am able to show myself as I am!

Thanks to all of my mentors, male and female, who have been present at every crossroads on my path to freedom. You are so many that I am not able to list you here, and still I wish to thank you all and especially those of you who have been crucial for the birth of this book. Thanks to Deva Primal and Miten, Rafia and Turiya, Barry Long, Diana and Michael Richardson, Joel and Heidi Roberts!

Thanks to the many women who encouraged me to continue, also in the darkest hours, who have believed in me and continue to do so. Thanks to all the Donna Divinas who came to be part of the various retreats and who have contributed in a thousand and one ways to this book; thanks to Gloria, Bea, Laura, Patrizia, Monica, Paola, Bettina, Sonia, Fiorenza e Maria … for allowing me to publish their testimonials and with this become an integral part of this book; thanks to Monica Gasparini, Paola Orlandi e Gloria Girelli Bruni for the many hours of editing of the first draft; to Lisa Barton, my guardian angel, stepping in when everything seemed blocked and editing her way through the English version; to Harshini Shah and Monika Hodasova for believing in Her message and supporting me in every possible way, I am speechless in front of the gift of your presence. Thanks to Susie Christiansen for offering generous support and catapulting me out of procrastination.

Thanks to Alison Wong for so many things: not only for doing the first editing of the English version, but for being a real and authentic partner during the many months of “pregnancy” with the text and for the support and continuous love. You are the “midwife” of this work, thank you!

Thanks to Ninya Schurmann, for being the daughter of light who not only has given me permission to believe in myself, but also in us, as mother and daughter in a free relationship with the opportunity to grow together in truth. She has partnered with me every step of the path and is still doing so. Without her Donna Divina International would never have seen the light of the sun. Thanks to Alison and Ninya for being Donna Divina together with me.

Thanks to Black Card Books for giving me the courage to believe in the huge contribution this book is going to make.

Thanks to my family, particularly to my man Edwin and the wise Nell, for all the endless patience you showed, when for long months I practically lived inside of the pages of the book and even forgot to eat (not to mention forgetting to prepare meals for you because I never did!)

Thanks to Edwin for being the Authentic Man living with a Donna Divina!

Thanks to every single woman who reads these lines and allows more divine femininity to guide the transformation of humanity!

The “live” Donna Divina Initiation Retreat

The female journey into an incredible, intuitive and inspired life

Donna Divina, (“Divine Woman” in Italian), is a retreat designed by Women, for Women and with Women. It’s held in a deep space embraced with love, compassion and comprehension, which only women are able to create.

This powerful work has improved the lives of hundreds of women in Italy, Israel, Slovakia, Czech Republic and as a result of this work, their lives have transformed into joy and fulfillment and they “came home” to their true essence – forever.

Donna Divina is a combination of ancient and modern knowledge, blended together into a divine mix, experienced in a women’s circle, resulting in the removal of mental, emotional and physical blocks, enabling you to return to the wholesome centre of feminine essence, the source of the powerful woman you are, and to express your innate potential in complete freedom.

In our daily life we are constantly being challenged, and without noticing it, the connection with our femininity gets lost, the femininity which is our birthright and the source of our strength. The sad truth is that this potential usually isn‘t fulfilled and realized in one’s lifetime. By retreating in the presence of only women, a very deep and long-lasting relaxation happens that allows our natural power of regeneration to take over and bring us “home”.

The Donna Divina Initiation Retreat is designed to help all women find the deeply healing female essence. This female essence has not been lost. We are reclaiming it now.

It’s an unforgettable experience which combines holistic techniques, and exercises from NLP, Energetic Regeneration, Tantra, Emotional and Cellular Healing, Body Work, different mediation techniques such as Movement Mediations, and ancient wisdom from female spiritual teachers all over the world.

All this and more – gracefully blended together by the feminine soul for a deep awakening, conducted by Ariane, Ninya and the Staff of highly trained Donna Divina Female Facilitators with the highest care.

If you feel stuck, unhappy, lonely, disappointed, angry or unfairly set aside, and you went through abuse, fatigue, depression and lack of love ... this retreat is for you!

If you are just curious to meet the Woman you are … this retreat is also for you!

This retreat is for you... if you are a woman.

If, on top of being a woman, you also experience challenges or lack of fulfillment

- in your life

- in your work
- in your finances
- in your family
- in your inner fulfillment
- in your sexual life
- in your health
- in your self-esteem
- in your intimate relationships
- in finding your place in the world

then this Retreat is definitely for you right now!

Ariane Schurmann and her daughter Ninya designed and created Donna Divina in Italy, where they have offered this process to women on the path to freedom for 3 years now.

Hundreds of women have been through this powerful experience in their life, enabling them to understand the deep self and connect with an inborn sacred inner femininity in a way which is difficult to describe in words.

Ariane, an experienced seminar and group leader, as well as author of several life changing books, is a powerful and inspiring woman, whose mission is to guide women step by step into the dance of transformation, reconnecting them with their fullest potential. During the retreat Ariane and Ninya transmit their personal experience through the process in an authentic and profound way, embraced by a liberated “mother and daughter” relationship.

Join us in the women’s circle, and live the love and beauty which you are ...

Find your centre and continue to live in complete Freedom!

“In the deepest and more hidden part of the WOMAN,

All that you can find,

Is an astonishing Breathtaking BEAUTY,

Longing to be expressed”

Biography of Ariane Schurmann

Ariane is a pioneeress in the field of Natural Living. After living in the High Alps, far away from civilization for 12 years building and leading a biological farm, she imported Natural Horsemanship and Natural Healing Methods to Italy and contributed to the long lasting transformation of thousands of lives, inspiring people to transition from a normal to a natural state of wellbeing - deep and authentic.

As a mother of 3 children living in freedom, Ariane also managed to become a certified Health Counselor, Journey Practitioner and Presenter, Seminar and Retreat Leader and author of 6 books. She co-founded the AsvaNara Academy in Tuscany, and the Journey Movement in Italy. Her deepest passion is to inspire women to live life as a powerful expression of their innate divine nature.

After a financial breakdown, and followed by years of burn out, she successfully healed herself and found her pearl of wisdom: “There is nothing to fix in me. I am a divine woman.” This discovery finally laid the foundation to a fulfilled and happy life, immense wellbeing and true freedom in all areas of her life. Her incredible experience and the desire to share it with all women led to the creation of the powerful 4-day Initiation Retreat. For every woman who is ready to step into Her power and freedom, the invitation to take courage and participate in this personal and global transformation is here.

Ariane lives in Tuscany with her beloved husband Edwin, her young daughter Nell and all of her horses, dogs and cats, when she is not travelling around the globe, sharing her wisdom and enjoying life.

Contacts

Donna Divina International
www.donna-divina.com
www.risingfromtheflames.com
info@donna-divina.com